The "Other" Limiting Belief

We are all familiar with the limiting belief about how supposedly it takes a certain amount of time before a woman will have sex with you. But there is another limiting belief that may be hurting you. That is the amount of time you think you need to wait before making an overt physical move. The truth is you can make your “it’s on” move (ie. the mutual hand caressing test or kissing) as early as the first minute. And if she is initially attracted to you it will work.

I already know that you believe you can attract a woman in a few seconds. So why do you think it should take longer than that to make that attraction official?

In fact, most times waiting too long kills your chances. Sometimes you are never as mysterious and sexy as you will be in those first few minutes after you meet her. Guys are usually at their best during the first few minutes of vibing when the sexual tension is strong.

I know this because I have screwed this up many times myself. There have been plenty of times when I had a strong sexual connection with a woman right away. She would look at me seductively and smile, we got really close and I could just feel that it was definitely ON.

But because all this was happening in the FIRST minute or two I thought I still had to wait a little bit before making that mutual physical move. (ie grabbing her hand). As if making an overt move so quickly would blow my chances forever or she would reject me because it’s too soon to do stuff like that.

The truth is there is NO set defined amount of time you need to wait before you can make it officially “on”. If attraction happens in the blink of an eye (seconds) then WHEN you decide to make that attraction official and mutual
should be as soon as possible.

You Don’t Have All the Time in the World

Here is what usually happens:

When things are going really good an the beginning you ASSUME you have “all the time in the world” to make that overt-mutual physical move. You figure you will get around to doing it (escalating) eventually. No hurry, no worries. She’s really into me. But what ALWAYS ends up happening when two minutes turns into five minutes…and then into ten?

That initial sexual vibe starts to weaken. She moves slightly away from you. Now she isn’t smiling as much. She has already asked you the prerequisite getting to know you questions. Then her friend comes over and interrupts the vibe. Hmm. Now you start doubting yourself so you put off making the OVERT move again as you WAIT until you can get things back like they were in the beginning.

You went from thinking it was TOO EARLY to make an overt-physical move to now being AFRAID to make an overt physical move.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is you want to make the attraction “official” as soon as possible. And escalation to me, in this case making ONE overt physical move, is really about revealing the attraction that is already there, WHEN it’s there.

That’s the thing. Just because she was attracted in the first minute doesn’t mean she is going to be attracted to you forever. The feeling of attraction and sexual tension fluctuates just like buying temperature. Your connection with her is not solid yet because in reality she just met you. So the best time to make your overt move and make the attraction mutual is during that automatic spike in attraction that usually happens naturally during the first minute.

Obviously you want to take advantage of the attraction when it’s there. It just so happens that when you first meet a woman and you are the new mysterious guy you automatically get your best chance to make the attraction official.

The Key Point:

Once you make the overt move and your connection becomes mutual your interaction with her can now survive the natural interest level fluctuations (the ups and downs) that are bound to happen throughout first ten to fifteen minutes of hanging out.

Avoid the BIG LETDOWN

As soon as you sense the feeling of attraction you want to make it official. That is the real point of escalation. Don’t put it off. It doesn’t matter if it’s only 30 seconds in. Take advantage of the fact that things are usually at their best in the first minute or two.

If you don’t make the attraction official it will feel like a big letdown for her later when her initial interest dips and nothing mutually physical has happened yet.

I’m sure you have noticed that it always gets a bit awkward when you start out FAST by escalating the vibe sexually but then you waste time dicking around with incidental touching and never make that mutual- physical move.
Once the initial tension/attraction starts to fizzle without something mutual happening, the vibe usually gets a bit weird. Most interactions never recover from this fast start and weak finish.

That awkward tension and weird vibe comes from a feeling that something was supposed to happen…but it didn’t.

You are now pretending to interact with each other in the “friendship frame” after starting out with a “strong sexual vibe”. You both know you are being fake so it doesn’t work. It’s no surprise that once she feels the awkwardness from this situation you are only seconds away from…well nice meeting you.

Vibe starts out strong > You think it’s too early to make overt physical move > Vibe weakens a bit > Now You are Afraid to make an overt physical move > Interaction Stalls > It gets awkward > Nice Meeting You

This also ties into the misconception that talking to a woman for a long time means you are doing good. I see it as just the opposite. In my opinion, if I see a guy talking to a woman for more than a few minutes without making an overt physical move… it usually means he is doing bad.

From reading your words your biggest problem is that you are too much of an idealist.

someone guided more by ideals than by practical considerations

It is more practical to just learn a few routines and practice good body language. Over the shoulder stuff is gold.