situation:

(just realized how long this is, skip the background and head to the last stuff if you dont wanna read it)

HB8, for sure LTR material. We started hanging out a lot over the summer through mutual friends. A month or so into it she asked me out as soon as our friend went to the bathroom. We began basically a fuckbuddy thing under the radar (we suspected our friend liked her and didnt want to hurt him).

After a month or two of that, she started doing the LTR stuff, talking about moving in together and dreaming about our future. She's got some REAL commitment anxiety and when I started agreeing with her about that shit, she called it off.

Said she wasn't ready for something so good and real. It scared her and her life was crappy right now (just finished college and is living at home, got rejected from nursing school etc). It's prob not the whole story but whatever fuck it.

I go out the next night and she hears about it, the day after she calls and asks me on a dinner/movie "date". I'm weirded out a bit but I oblige. We have fun and she tells me that she really doesn't want to lose me and wants to keep seeing me in a "casual dating" way.

Now, I've pretty much fallen for this girl over those first few months so I was pretty conflicted on whether or not that would be good for me. So I gave it some thought. We started out pretty slow, only going on little dates once or twice a week. Then it got faster again and she started up all the cute shit.

No sex though, she said she wanted to make me wait this time. Of course i got her to break the rules once or twice but after about a month of no-sex/getting to know eachother shit we are at this bar with abunch of people and she says to me

"kristi asked me why we arent having sex haha! i said because I wanted to know if I could love him without it..."

Was pretty cute and I finally admitted that I was in love with her. She got all goofy and happy and said she was completely in love with me too. We kinda had a second "honeymoon" period and things were awesome and shit.

Sorry for the long story, we're almost up to date:

I started treating her right. I'm not bitch, but I like to make girls I'm in love with feel special/wanted and all that. So I do little things yadda yadda. Now she's pretty damn distant all over again. Here are a few recent happenings that stick out to me:

New years: her best friends are in town and are going to a party at her ex's. I go too. She kinda does her own thing during the party. Doesnt really flirt with her ex but just kinda catches up with him etc. I barely see her all night. I get kinda pissed we didnt spend the new years moment together because she didnt seem to even care about it. We have a little tiff as I tell her how gay that is and she says sorry and tucks her arm in mine as we walk back to the party. We sleep at our friends close by and the next day her best friends come over with her ex and shes a little weird/distant again. She still sneaks in little bits of affection, but its all downgraded massively and its always when her ex is there.

I end up going home in the afternoon to do shit with my family and she says I should come back later that night. Later comes and she suggests that I don't and wants to hang with just her best friends while theyre here. Her ex is there too but leaves pretty early. I get kinda pissed and ask her to explain where that's coming from. She doesnt give me what feels like a real answer but I just kinda give it a "whatever" and do my own thing.

Since then, things feels different. She makes way more time to hang with her friends and not me. As in, i could totally go too and by now I'm friends with her friends but she never invites me. No big, just different and obviously more distant.

The flip side, is that she still will call or text me everynight to say goodnight. Sometimes she says its just to hear my voice before she goes to sleep and shit.

A few days before new years: we go to this party and we end up back at my place. it turns her on when im sweet to her, so often when its sex time she'll get me to talk about shit. She asks me if I think we'll ever have kids together. I laugh and make a joke and she laughs and then asks again. I actually think about it and tell her "i don't see why not, i do KINDA like you". we end up have crazy sex for a few hours and she goes home.

About a week or so ago we go to dinner and start talking about new years/her distance for some reason. She ends up telling me something like "I love you and who you are, but I haven't "let you in" just yet". Also that my sometimes arrogance turns her off. She explained shit like "i can't give you more right now" even though I didn't ask - I think she's assuming I want/need more from her or something.

Anyways we kinda argue but go back to her house and watch a movie and she says that she likes it when we talk like that because things always feel better afterwards. I agree and go home.

Things are OK/lil better since then. She got back from san fran on tuesday and we hung out. We were more affectionate, but totally because i started it. I put my hand on her thigh and rubbed it a little and she immediately grasped my arm with both of her hands and put her head on my shoulder while we watched a movie. we made out a little bit but she was too tired for sex (admittedly i was actually really tired too).

We make out at the front door and i tell her i love her, she says she loves me too and I go home. Wednesday i was busy with school. thursday she made plans with her old buddies and didnt invite me. friday her best friends were in town and staying with her ex again and i havent fuckin heard from her since 1pm friday.

i feel like the way i act about this situation is a turn off for her but i don't know how to field it. She didn't say good night or check in with me (which she always does on her own accord). I got home from my own bar hoppin at about 3 and texted her that i was home and good night. Still nothin. I feel like if I even say shit like "Hey are you ok?" she will look at me like a wuss or somethin.

I just don't know what the fuck is going on with this girl. Why the fuck are things good when we're together and then we virtually don't talk when we aren't and why the fuck is she so distant when her ex is around?

I flat out asked once if she still had feelings for him and she laughed and said "god no". She explained that she feels bad when we act like "us" around him. She thinks it hurts him or something. i dunno, i dont really give a fuck. It's just weird that we haven't spoken.

I feel like I'm losing power and want it back. Do I do this by refusing to initiate contact/acting nonchalant about everything about her? That's what I'm leaning towards.

Good god look at this rant I'm such a fkn pussy.

Feel free to correct me because I'm semi new to this stuff too.. But it sounds like she does think of you as a pussy. You're probably not dominant enough, you might want to freeze her out (This is what I just did when I felt like I was losing power. SUCCESS) Cut off all contact with her until she contacts you. When she finally does contact you (might take days if she's stubborn or too used to you initiating convos) This is how the first initial convo should go:

Her: Hey! Bladi bladi blah..
You: I know! Yadi yadi yahhh .. Wassup?
Her: Ohh well, ___________ blah!
(one hour - 3 hours later [depending on time of day])
You: Sorry, I was busy with something else.

(she may not text you back. If she doesn't continue with the freeze out until she does)

If she does, talk for a LITTLE while, not long! YOU have to cut the conversation off, ("Oh ok well I'm about to take a nap/go to sleep/go out with friends, so I'll talk to you later") This is basically the final stage, IF she contacts you again after this. If she doesn't then move on bro, she doesn't care about you. But If she does, this is basically like a new beginning for you, start telling her how you want everything to go, and be more dominant!


[NOTE TO OTHERS: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I'M NEW AT THIS, IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH WHAT I SAID POST WHAT ADVICE I GAVE THAT WAS WRONG, AND WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN THE SITUATION. DON'T FLAME!]

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Yea, sounds like pretty typical shit for the beginning of a relationship.

I guess I was hoping that these kinds of games eventually fucking end once the two of you admit to being and love and all that. It won't take long, I've been trying not to contact her first for a bit now. Like when she was in san fran for 3 days, I never talked to her first and she checked in with me every day. I think there's probably some excuse for what's up today to the tone of her just being busy with her friends being in town and shit.

But yea I feel like she thinks i'm a pussy too. Shit is frustrating. Probably even more frustrating since i'm genuinely a bit worried since she ALWAYS lets me know she's safe when she's out without me.

Another thing, when do fucking shit tests end? It seems like whenever I answer shit about "our future" like the kids thing, the attraction goes way up in the moment but down some overall over the next few days. It's fuckin bullshit. Why the fuck do women only respond to being treated like we don't give a shit about them?

So I know for a fact I'll be getting a text or a call saying sorry and explaining shit or saying what's up. Not sure how to really respond...

Thinking something like

"OK cool, I'll call of the search party then"

"Sick night, I missed out"

"Don't worry about it"

"No big"

idk

Well they usually end a couple weeks into the relationship.. But it's different with every girl. The whole "our future" thing. It might be cute at the moment for you to say that you two are gonna get old and have babies and shit. But it's a turn off to them trust me, I've been in love before and did the same thing. Act unsure about your future, make it so that you're just living for today, you have no idea what the future holds and shit happens, you two might not be together. Get her to realize this without telling her directly. It will bother her that you don't exactly picture her in your future anymore, and she will work hard to try to change that. DON'T BRING UP THE FUTURE. (One of the biggest No No's I've made in a relationship) because if the relationship ends, you're left feeling stupid.

Women respond to being treated like shit because, even tho they all say, "I need my prince charming". It's all BULLSHIT. Women have no clue what they want. When you act as if you don't care but still leave that little hint that you do, It keeps them wondering. Especially if she likes you as you say she does, she will try to grab and keep your attention when you start having fun for yourself. Because she knows that this, "future" that you two USED to talk about isn't guaranteed anymore, she knows that she actually has to work to keep YOU interested. Honestly bro, women, love, sex, attraction, all of that shit is ALL about mind games. It's a sad reality but that's how it is.

EDIT: Another thing, for that to work, she has to actually see that you can have fun without her. She goes out with friends and doesn't talk to you? Fine, you go out with friends and don't talk to her. She feels like she's better then you, and that she has you on a leash. (sp?) She feels like she's the ONLY girl that you can get and have. I had no idea about PUA and shit, so when I was in this situation, I kept this up. It lead to a break-up. Then, eight months later, my ex texts me saying that she feels stupid that she broke up to me, she doesn't know what she was thinking, etc. This is because she sees that I'm having fun without her, enjoying life, Having a social life with other girls OUTSIDE of her! BEFORE she thought that I would be miserable without her, I wouldn't know what to do without her, she got corrected, and girls are attracted to guys that have fun, so now she wants me back.

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this is absolutely not true.

shit testing never ends.

even in MARRIAGE.

women still test their men, flirting, cheating, trying to become more dominant in the relationship, spending all crazy, fucking off.

you have to develop a shit test deflector and an ability to simply NOT CARE and MEAN IT, if you ever want to have a good relationship with a woman.

relationship with woman = life of shit testing, but getting pussy
no relationship = no shit tests, no pussy

there is no option C

^This ... Thanks for correcting me.

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So she texted:

"Hey babe! sorry i haven't talked to you all day! i've been throwing up since last night my mom had to come pick me up from seattle "

"Ah ok i'll call off the search party that blows you have 1 too many?"

"only 2! i'm like actually sick "

"ah man that's too bad, you start ralphin while you were out?"

"yea "

"well shit, feel better, i'm off to happy hour"

"fun!"

I feel like we're in a really weird spot. With these shit tests and me giving her too much. I'd really like some advice on how to handle shit in the future. I think I did pretty well today...

sometimes, it's not a question of whether or not you CAN pass the shit test.

you've also got to consider whether you even want to.

some women are higher maintenance than others, that means, quite frankly, more shit testing...

the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. if a girl is a heavy shit tester at the beginning of a relationship, the odds are that she will be a heavy shit tester FOREVER.

the question to ask yourself...

isn't "can i pass these shit tests?"

or even...

"can i make these shit tests go away?"

the question is...

"is she this special that i will deal with this stuff? is she relationship material? is she the best suited for me?"

i'm just throwing you a different perspective. i just broke up with my GF about two hours ago for the tenth time in a year. BECAUSE of her constant shit testing. i finally decided it wasn't about passing the shit tests, i had just had enough...

food for thought.