In my opinion, saying "hey I guess you're busy" etc. Is saying "I was waiting by the phone for your call but I never got it, so I'm assuming I'm not important enough to you to even warrant a polite response, so I'm going to let it slide and try again some other time"

If there is no communication, you can use that and not reply yourself. That sends the message that it doesn't matter.

Anyway I'd say with your recent texts and lack of voice or face to face interaction, she's lost attraction to you. If you were around her and you felt like she was ignoring you, then she probably was.

If youre thinking "but I didn't have many chances for face to face or voice interaction" what I'm really trying to say is the txt to voice interaction was unbalanced. If you're having not many chances to interact, it's better to interact less than to send too many texts. Got to keep that ratio of texts down. Unless of course she's a crazy texture who builds comfort with text convos. If you need to work hard at anything , it's finding ways to have voice or face to face interactions. If they are going to happen as a matter of course (eg she goes to your gym) you can count on that. (once you have the number, just in case)

Anyway just play it cool like nothing happened, if you get to be around her, just do your best to be attractive. The more you worry about this one girl, the more you'll fuck it up with her, and the more other girls you'll miss.

I thoroughly agree that you have to limit your texting. In my mind, the more you text the better the odds that you'll type something wrong and kill the attraction. But Conker, if the girl doesn't answer the phone for phone calls, flakes out on meeting up, you're saying you should limit texting to as infrequently as she does, right? There's been too many times where I've done that and NEVER heard from the girl again. In fact, that's happened every time I haven't exploded the situation myself by overcalling/texting. There has to be a better solution than fighting apathy with apathy. That has never worked for me.

In my mind, when talking degrades to really infrequent texting, the game is over. The bitch of it is once things have hit that slump, you can dig the hole deeper by over-texting, but you don't have a way of building the attraction back and every day it weakens exponentially. It's a fool's mate and not even necessarily because a girl doesn't like you. Sometimes, some girls are just too scared, too unmotivated to get together and are more comfortable letting shit die out. That's my take anyway.

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31 and still figuring it out.

Correct - this is the way the world works, IMO. There is a window of opportunity, and you have to make the most of it. Since realising this, I've been having more "fortune".

I realised, it wasn't about the NUMBER of girls I approached, it was more about the opportunities I made the most of. Sure you can make opportunities yourself by deciding "I MUST talk to that girl" but that in itself is an opportunity, if she looks so hot/interesting that you can't let her go. Not many of those walk past you every day.

Quick example, last Friday, walked on the bus, picked the hottest girl, yes she had a spare seat next to her, sat there. That's an opportunity. Could have started random conversation, nothing wrong with that, but didn't feel particularly motivated to, because she didn't stand out as someone I HAD to talk to. I just took comfort in the fact that I'd taken the opportunity to pick a seat next to the prettiest girl who happened to be in view, increasing the chance of another opportunity. The bus turned and the sun shone in our eyes and we both covered them at the same time - because I was relaxed, I was able to quip "Well at least the sun is OUT now..." to her (because we all knew about the severe storm we just had where we hadn't see the sun for a month) and she laughed. The statement itself is an opportunity - it was contextual. Talking to her - well I can talk to anyone, but for her, it was easier to open up to me. In the end, we had a day 1 on Monday eve and now she's coming with me to a costume party on Saturday.

She's still not a girl who visually stood out as someone I HAD to talk to, and yet of course - looks aren't everything. She's still very attractive, and things are going well between us, and it feels really good. I shudder to think what would have happened if I forced myself to talk to a girl that I wasn't that interested in to begin with, the convo would have seemed forced, and when the sun shone, things would already have been awkward.

Since realising this, I saw how I'd been trying too hard on girls that didn't really matter, and coming off like I"m trying too hard - because I beleived "ok THIS girl... ok the NEXT girl" like it just depended on me and the girls/situation didn't matter. And conversely I missed out on good opportunities, because I let myself convince myself "ah it's just another girl" in SPITE of the fact that there were many good reasons I should have done something, but managed to use the excuse "you don't HAVE to do it now, you haven't had enough to eat (whatever excuse), there will be another".

Now I'm aligning myself with the opportunities - when there are opportunities, make the effort. When there aren't, take a break.

And so to get back to the point - you're right. Once that wave of interest passes, and it degrades to texting, it is over. (At least for now - there is a small chance things can spark up if you randomly call in the future or bump into each other). The goal is to make the most of the opportunities when they are there, that's where you will get experience and learn from them.

Fighting apathy with apathy doesn't work, very true - as men we have to make the move. It just means your chances are slimmer - a random, high energy phone call at a well chosen time (eg. Sunday night, or a work night, when one is likely to be at home doing nothing) may turn things around. You have to strategically chose your call time. But there are no guarantees, just opportunities.

So what happened when you "overcalled/texted"?

Overcalling/texting is tempting for us because then we blew shit up on our own terms. I'm an American, letting shit die with a whimper doesn't satisfy me. But yeah, once I've gotten in that trench, I've never been able to get out, whether I let shit fizzle out or I make one last push, the end result is the same.

It sucks, but I take some comfort in knowing you have similar experience and I'm not just overlooking a way out of "the apathy texting zone". I think accepting that there's nothing you can do when shit gets to that point (and often nothing you can do to prevent it) makes it easier for me to move on. For all the glory of the game, the fact has always been true that a lot of the mating ritual hinges on a woman's mood.

On a total side note, a lot of anti-depressants have the side effect of lowering a woman's sex drive to nil, which makes our job that much harder. I imagine that most women have the same amount of drive I have after just masturbating. It's no wonder they don't work very hard for us.

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31 and still figuring it out.

You're more of a man to just back off when you see it happening. That wins you some points that may pay off in the future.

If you nail the door shut - well that's the same as the concept of failing all the things you never try.

Some times things do come back. I know - Sometimes you run into each other randomly - in real life or online, and I've seen both - ones that wanted to start things up again, and ones that never will ever again because I nailed the door shut. So now I know better.

Also you're focusing on the negative by only concluding there's nothing you can do at that point - the real lesson is to work on never letting it get to that point.

You say that, but people are very fickle. A lot of the time it is out of your hands and things will fall through even if the girl was clearly into you. Another point for just letting shit fall off is that it takes less energy. Though for me it takes an effort to be passive. Oh well, flakes make me appreciate the girls that don't play games all the more.

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31 and still figuring it out.

Be casually.

I think you should forget about her, and let her take the next step if she wants to.. Talk to other women..

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- You miss 100% of the changes you dont take.

You guys are right. I shouldnt focus too much on her because the more I do the more likely I'll fuck up and lose chances with other women. I know we'll run into eachother again soon, so I'll just let fate take its course and if it sparks up then it does, if not then I gotta move on. Thanks guys! I'll let yall know if anything happens.


Oh and one last thing. I've worked at this gym for over a year anf know just about everyone there. Usually when I'm working out people will come up to be and be like "wuts up?" If the girl that blew me off saw me talking with others girls and flirting, you think it'll make her feel a bit jealous? Just curious. Thanks.

Doubt it, jealousy tends to only work when one person wants the other. Bet she could make you jealous real good. It could pique her interest in you, but really you shouldn't even be thinking about that angle. Waste of energy. Like me and Conker were discussing, shit fizzled out, probably no way back. Happens.

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31 and still figuring it out.

I just got back from the gym. I know she saw me this time for sure, and was clearly avoiding me. I manage to talk to her a bit. I was at the front desk talking to my co-worker (I wasnt on the clock, I was working out but I always go up to the front desk to talk) and I noticed she was coming downstairs to leave. So as she got closer I said "See ya later", and she just smiled and waved back. I dont think I broke the ice, but cracked it for future conversation. Maybe the next few times I see her I'll just be like "hey whats up" until she trys to get in a convo with me again. But I'll move on. One of my other co-workers told me to text her and say "Hey are you ok? It seems like ur trying to avoid me." Just in case she thinks I'm mad and is avoiding me for that reason. What do you think about texting her this?

Geez, let it go already, the game is over. Did you not read the exchange me and Conker had above, we were talking about you. Your only option is to totally burn the bridge or not. You texting her and trying to talk to her every day is how you push her away forever, blow it up, nail the door shut, burn the bridge. She is avoiding you, texting that AFC shit will make her continue to avoid you. What do you think will happen, "No, I'm not avoiding you, I'm just intimidated by your good looks, lets get together tomorrow! "

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31 and still figuring it out.

For gods shake... LET IT GO!

You really sound like a desperate dude, who doesnt have any other opertunities, no wonder that she's avoiding you!!

I bet you're a awesome dude man.. Start talk to other chicks, get her the fuck out your mind, you are only hurting yourself mayn.. FORGET IT, game's over! If you start texting her again, you difinitely burned the bitch, like minsok stated!

I had one, where i was all over her.. She broke it of.. Shit.. i understand her.. Anyways, i let it go, and a couple of monts later we started to talk again. Perhaps it will too for you. That if, you dont fuckin burn the bridge!

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- You miss 100% of the changes you dont take.

Girls are fickle when they have options it just means you are not rating very highly for whatever reason, or someone else is just a better match personality-wise.

And yeah, almost never ever take advice from a girl, they will say what they think you should do in the context of a guy they really liked, eg. You can imagine her advice coming from a situation where she liked the guy but was pissed off an all he had to do was say "hey babe, you ok?" and everything would be better. That isn't going to happen here!

Exception is a really extroverted socially successful girl who you know is actually prone to giving you the kind of advice you may get here (I use "here" tentatively) such as keepin texts simple, being flirty, confident, etc.

You guys are right, I need to let this go! And slowly day by day, I am. One of my friends just told me that maybe she was just being friendly and feels awkward that I thought she was leading me on. I dont think so because I know she was interested but o well. Maybe we'll start talking again later on. I just gotta move on now. Thanks everyone, you all gave me some really good tips!

So today this girl finally tried to break the ice again with me. I was working (evening shift) and after trying to avoid me all week, she comes to work out during my shift, pretends to be on the phone, and winks at me saying "Hey, how are you?" I was like "I'm good, you? Ok have a good workout." Thats basically what I say to every customer, so i treated her like I didnt know her. On the way out she was again pretending to be on the phone. I was talking to a friend and she yelled out my name to get my attention and waved and said bye. I think, I'm not sure, but does it seem like she's trying to win my attention again?