Some of my girl friends (notice: some) have told me how they split up with their boyfriends as a test; the test is to see if they get with anyone else. If they do, there's no chance of them getting back together.

What do you think Roz? Ever heard of this?

Hey Trixta, my buddy from Cambodia just came back to the US. He's got 1. Kampot peppers. 2. kamagra (google it) 3. Ginseng Inner Game Crystals.

If you're a chef, order the peppers. If you want strong inner game, order the crystal, I will supply you with 2 extra rubber bands.

I agree, in that begging is a no go. I am all for doing whatever it takes to save a relationship while I'm still in it. But the moment she ends it, I am done and will not chase after, beg, plead, harass, etc. Not only does it reduce your chances of continuing a relationship with her, it eliminates any chance of having a happy relationship with her. Spot on Madals.

Further, begging can send you in a downward spiral, because you focus on failure only--rather than accepting that it's over and cherishing the good memories you have. Here are two examples to illustrate the distinction.

1. An ex broke off a perfect relationship out of the blue, without giving a real reason or making a discernible effort to be decent thereafter. I accepted it, told myself to move on, realized that it had nothing to do with me, and did in fact move on almost immediately. Now, we are still great friends, even if she still loves me and has tried to win me back in not so healthy ways.

2. I met a friend of a friend, had some chemistry, and made my move. Her ex was at the same place and before we leave tells me he should kick my ass. Once we'd left, he bombards her with baseless messages trying to destroy my character.

I hope this illustrates the concept of accepting and letting go. I did this in 1. and it has made me better off. I doubt Mr. 2. will find peace any time soon.

As an afterthought, I find that avoiding contact for a while can help you clearly draw a line between the time you were lovers and the time you are friends. And, more importantly, I firmly oppose getting back with the ex, or even just fooling around. While not everyone needs to play by those rules, they would help a vast majority of guys post-getting dumped. And for the girl that will dump me as a test? I deserve better.

Thanks dude, Great post.

I gotta give you mad reputation points for this one.

Great thread Well I can't totally agree with you on this one Kasabi
I have lots of friends who blew their shots with the women they were in love, because they take a step back when their girls started to show some doubts.

I started dating a girl when I was 16. I'm 21. We dated 3years and everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Time passed by and one day she told me she didn't feel quite the same about us, that she didn't know if she still loved me. For all I knew she was the girl of my dreams, marriage material right there.

When she told me that, I replied to her that I loved her, but if she was having doubts she should figure it out by herself. I told her I couldn't be with her if she didn't know that loved me back so I broke up with her.
Back then I still hadn't been introduced to pick-up.
I stopped calling her, I replied to her messages but not right away, and I started going out. I started taking guitar lessons.Everyone (including her) was surprised by how fast I had moved on.Although I felt like shit, no one knew about it but my best friend.
Guess what, her doubts faded out pretty quickly.

Now don't get me wrong,I'm not bragging. I handled this but I'm not better than the next guy. I just saw it happen to friends of mine over and over before it did happen to me

Now of course, there's the other extreme, where guys don't really care about their girlfriends. Getting "caught" banging some random girl 10seconds after your girlfriend broke up with you isn't going to get her back

Roz - the guy walks away and then you want him back because he is not affected ! - isn't that retarded ..lol... not you but the whole thing about 'he doesn't care, he has a life and can get another girl..wow..I want him back'

2) Its because of this kind of attitude that some guys don't care treating women like shit. They justify their behavior based on the way they were treated when they truly loved someone

3) Once you break off a relationship its never the same again. UNless he is wooden, the guy has already lost some feelings for you and if he has options he wouldn't care to invest in you long term - might keep you around on the side but seldom would plan a future.


My two cents

Happy for a female perspective Roz, although from another thread, I don't think you're representative. Still, I am struck...
How is that a motive for walking away with your dignity? How is my dignity predicated upon her? I don't get it. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I can't move on fast enough! Ok, crazy bitch dumped me. Good, because she might have done something really odd. Like deliberately get knocked up with my spunk and run off to Japan to have a kid without me. Because she has deep issues with heterosexual men. Because she's damaged goods. Because she's crazy. Because she calls me by my last name. Because she legally changed her name to an acronym, to get rid of her past. It may not have spoken so well for me, that this was the only girlfriend I had gotten for years, and we only lasted for 4 months, but she was crazy. Yes I loved her, honestly and fully. Yes that breakup hurt, particularly the chickenshit approach she took of doing it by email, but I am SO MUCH BETTER OFF.

Welcome, fellas. Watch me drink this beer with dignity. Cheers, bitch!

She ran off and did all that shit with the next guy after me. Dodged that bullet, phew!

When my Dad got divorced when I was 3, he said he moped for about 2 weeks, then was hit with this overwhelming sense of relief.

Since that crazy girlfriend, it has never taken me longer than 2 weeks of fucking to figure out that a woman is stark raving mad, and bail on her dysfunctional ass. May not have gotten as much nookie as I would have liked, but I've stayed sane. Emotional vampires never got a chance to drag me down. I'll be ready just fine for the right emotionally healthy woman when she comes along.
It should. It means you're worthless. Or at least, not worth enough.
Yep, right with ya. Same page. Well, except you may not need any girl for a bit. Women do that; men can do that too. We don't really have to define ourselves by sticking our dick in something.
FFS why?

I got started on "dumping and being dumped" pretty early. Biological mother dumped me when I was 3. She spent very little attention on me for the next 8 years, even when she was in the same town. Under guidance of a shrink, I finally dumped her when I was 11. Out of my life, no contact. As a child, it was what I needed to do to defend myself, to put myself back together. 30 years later, I've had my own life and am responsible for my own development. I will probably go try to find her "soon," to learn something about who she is. I'm not so interested in who she was, or dredging up the past. But my point is, through accident of Nurture, I have a very strong frame for walking away. I do not allow abusive people in my life. I had to take control of my life by eliminating the arch-abuser at a very young age.

So guys, this is maybe why I can do it when you can't. I went through the wringer a lot earlier than you did. Had some early practice at this. Don't listen to women about what you need to do for your dignity. It's not about them. It's not a move in a game. You own it for yourself. No one else.

Word.

Ah, youth. It is wasted on the young! Nice romantic pitch kid, but you've just supplied us with the working definition of "young and stupid." About the importance of your Sweet Sixteen relationship in the overall tapestry of your life. Be real glad you didn't knock someone up and get shackled to some witch. You're way too young to be tying the knot just yet. Learn more about life before facing that 50% divorce rate. She didn't make it past 3 years and that should tell you a lot about "marriage material."

When my Dad remarried, he and my new Mom made it for 30. Still didn't make it. They were the working definition of "old and stupid." Happens to a lot of retirees: the kids aren't holding the relationship together anymore, the job isn't a more pressing concern anymore. Both are free to tell the other, "You're an asshole! I've put up with your shit for 30 years! No more!" Boy they did. They were like the Lockhorns cartoon. I wondered if it had to do with getting old, if people just got this way. No; it's a divorce coming. When it came, I was surprised, but not shocked.

Go talk to a happy, old couple about "marriage material." See what made it happen as far as they're concerned.

Yeah I get what you're saying.
Of course you can't possibly know what marriage material is when you're sixteen. I look back and smile at that kid who thought he could marry that girl, just as I will probably smile at my current 21 when I'll be 30.

And sure, I was young and innocent, but I still wouldn't define it as "sweet sixteen relationship". I don't really know that many examples of old happy couples, but those I do know,uncles and friends of the family, they started dating when they were around 15/16. Obviously I'm not suggesting that it is FREQUENT or COMMON to date someone when you're that young, and stick to them, marry and live happily ever after, just that it is possible.
Anyway that's not the point.
My point is being able to walk away is a good thing in a relationship. It's not like you don't give a fuck about "your better half". You can love someone and still know, in the back of your mind, that you would survive and eventually be happy if she left your ass.
I think that if a guy gets to the point of "I can't live without you" they are seriously fucked.

Its HUGE. Just walk away. Nothing is more powerful than a man who moves along well. Women will try to draw you into argeument to make you look like shit. Just walk.

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth

I can't see myself in a relationship where the girl is just obviously less into me than I am into her. Roz, has a guy ever broken up with you?

I have not.
Yes- after 2 years and a couple of months. He moved to another city for University, and we tried the whole long distance thing; 3 months after his move, he came to visit me and broke up with me face to face. I cried, he cried.. I threw things, they hit him..

No, I'm joking about the crying and throwing things.. well, sort of. Basically he told me that it's over, and then he proceeded to tell me why. I don't know if I can explain this right, but there are times where you just know you're going to make up with the person -like if it's a heated argument that ends in 'omg it's so over' etc- and then there are those times where you can tell the person has thought about this for a while... has planned out exactly what to say... yeah, this was one of those times; a real break-up. It was over.

And so if I remember correctly I tried to be a big girl; I said alright, I understand, ok... and then he hugged me which ruined everything- I cried... and cried... and felt banal and then didn't care and kept crying... and that went on until he said he had to go. And left.

And then I cried some more, thought I would die, took up like 10 hobbies, got a new job, and survived.



-Roz

_________________
NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

Been there, done that. Word to the wise: throwing things isn't a good idea. You might accidentally hit her/him, even though you didn't mean to. Then it's really difficult to get them to believe that you weren't trying to hit her. In my case, I threw a shoe into the other room that she was in. I couldn't see her; it happened to hit her. Go figure. I think she eventually believed me, but not for a year. By that point we were just friends, maybe with a little bit of underlying sexual tension. I don't think we spoke to each other for a year.

Another bad idea is picking things up and slamming on the floor over and over again. Be careful what you pick up in anger! I picked up the camera end of a tripod. When I started slamming it, the screw on the end lacerated my hand. Not a serious wound but it did make my hand all bloody, nevertheless. Some objects are not designed to be held and slammed into things, they'll mess up your hand.

Hmm I always thought she was a chickenshit for breaking up with me by email, but come to think of it, from her perspective our last fight before she dumped me was extremely emotional and somewhat violent. I mean, I didn't approach her, I was in the other room freaking out, but from her perspective I beamed her with a shoe. Thing is, I thought we had kissed and made up before I left to go on a trip. She broke up with me while I was halfway around the world. Maybe that wasn't an accident either. Well, whatever. I'm sure her issues with men were due to previously abusive men, so she had her fears. The most I ever actually did to her was push her roughly away from me. I think we had 4 huge fights in those 4 months. The last was definitely the worst.

Anyways beating the crap out of a helpless tree with an iron pole is probably one of the healthier ways to get the rage out. Stuff inside of houses tends to cost money. I'm the kind of guy who would destroy an inanimate object in a fit of rage but wouldn't hit an actual person.

Oh don't hurl a metal pot at the floor either. You might chip the floor, or the wall when it rebounds, and the metal will bend. Actually it worked really well as a pre-ventilated rice cooker for many years after that, LOL!

So many times I've refrained from destroying my computer. Only economics has held me back.

I got broken up with once, a bad one I mean.. One I just didn't want to happen.. Hurt like hell.. happened a bit over a year ago.. brought me to all this PUA stuff.. I had no idea how little control I had over myself, my emotions, and my direction in life.

Roz, I disagree not with what your saying but the general motive behind it.. It seems your original post is indicating that by saying "ok" you are setting yourself up to have the person back?

I cant imagine why you or anyone in their right mind would want this? it didn't work the first time why would it work the second or third time? and honestly, I understand woman are emotional creatures.. (bless their hearts.. being all confused and stuff) but really I give them one chance, they fucck it up.. I've moved on.. I see no need to give a person multiple chances to hurt me because they are reactive to emotional circumstances. Clearly our personality's are not quite properly aligned right now.. and that's ok.. woman are not scarce. Time however is limited.

Although I wanted my ex back for a very long time.. I knew to myself that it would never work. That's not to say years down the track it there would be no chance.. we all grow and change as people.. but i've found with other ex's years down the track.. I still always care.. But I really have no attraction for them.

I do agree that by saying "ok" you hold your self respect in tact, and give yourself the best opportunity to get them back.. if thats what you want.. But I believe the second they Utter the words "it's over" ... it no longer matters what they do/think/see.. as it's over.

Some Guy posted above Which i agree with, because in my weaker days before I had balls to break things off.. I would think this..... when the guy says "ok" thats cos he's in his head thinking... OH HELL YEAH.. I GOT MY OUT! Just go with it man! you got this.. Who you gunna call first? OH man Im sooo gunna get wasted on the weekend.. FUCCK YEAH!..

Ladies, when a guy says .. OK.. that means he's got other options.. and you just gave him the out he was looking for.

Great post Roz !

I just broke up yesterday, well technically she broke up, I didn't see it coming. I wasn't sure how to react, I wanted to negotiate and talk with her, of course I'm sad but I'll survive. I don't want to be that guy going on his knee for her, or she'll just playing with me. After talking with few friends, the ones with the most experiences told me. "Don't react, don't go to ask her questions, act like you don't care, you have a busy life. Just, tell her Ok, thanks for the great time, give me a ring if you want a to have a drink, bye bye. And just leave her, cut any contact. Don't look back, and bang a rebound this week end. "
That's what I'm doing, that's what I more or less did in the past. And 90% of the time, the girl come back faster than you would think, figure out her mistake of breaking up.

But in all case, from experience, if it doesn't work one time, it won't work a 2nd time. Don't you think ?