I haven't been in a proper relationship for about 3 years now after I broke up with my ex. I've had a couple of fleeting relationships, both of which ended because I wasn't putting enough effort into the relationship, one of those relationships were with a girl in college, we pretty much held hands daily, but didn't really speak to each other, it was fucked up.

I'm probably about to get into a relationship again, i've been talking to this girl and we've both established that we like each other, shes playful, funny, etc.. just my type of girl.

Basically, I'm asking what I should do once in a relationship? How often do I text/talk, I always become a wuss as soon as I get into a relationship, so any advice would be hugely appreciated.

Don't hide what you like and communicate what you feel is necessary.
Understand though...no one likes needy...no matter what...it's just not attractive.
Find time for you, offer her to take part in what you like. If she chooses not to, then her loss and do it alone. Everyone needs alone time, don't be surprised if she wants that too...everyone is different.

A relationship should not require logical thinking...as in, a chess game...it should flow...don't get me wrong, any relationship is work...sometimes hard work...but it shouldn't require you having to think each step through unless you know are doing something wrong, then that's a problem and someone is not happy.

Always communicate, that's key.

Let me ask you something...how in touch are you with you?

If you spent an entire week with her having a blast and then she said...this weekend, I just want to loaf around the house by myself and rest for something important on Monday, Job Interview for example...what would you say, do?

Be honest with yourself if you don't want to answer here...to me...it just seems like you aren't in tune with you and that really is key to a solid relationship.

If you want specifics, PM me. I have been in some interesting relationships and have been married once so I feel I have been around the block...but I'm on the right path now and I don't mind sharing my experiences.

If you truly feel she is the one, you will know and I know where you are coming from...you don't want to blow it...I've been there with my last relationship.

Thanks man, thanks for the reply.

We've met up a couple of times, we're texting each other quite a lot, I've made sure that it's not always me texting her first, if we're talking on the phone and one of us has to go for whatever reason, if she says "text me" sometimes I'll say "No, you text me" in which she does.

If we'd spend a week together having a blast, i'd probably want some time to myself too, I'm someone who needs some alone time, so I'd definitely agree with her and it wouldn't bother me if she needed some alone time, because I'd probably need some too

Cool...sounds like you guys are entering the honeymoon phase...that's a sweet time to open up and also get to know each-other on a deeper lever.

Regarding the quote...playful banter is fun...but don't get caught up in it too much or you may start to come off like an asshole. Sometimes it can go overboard.

As for time alone...be honest with yourself, you can lose yourself really easily and come off not so alpha by wanting to be with her more and more...it requires balance. Time for yourselves is really a good thing as long as it's constructive for you.

Good luck to you.

cedius, A+ recommendations!

I'd just like to add to that or clarify, if you will:

Don't play games.

Pick up=/=relationship, in that mind games won't work out in the long run. Forget what you've learned about who is contacting whom (etc.), without forgetting the spontaneity of showing your girl a good time, and you'll have a great experience.

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- Lux et Veritas -

Just be the nice person man. Once you get the girl, get out, have fun, show you can take care of her.
Stop being a wuss and become a gentleman then haha
That's what I think. Be kind.

Thanks guys. I met up with her and a group of friends today and spent the day generally having a laugh, met a couple of great new people along the way too, one of which I became fairly close with, he recently broke up with his girlfriend so we had a nice long heart to heart about that which was lovely, I feel like I've made a fantastic new buddy.

Anyway, after a couple of hours I pulled her away from our group and got really close to her, making eye contact and kissed her before asking her out, she said yes.

I really appreciate the advice you guys have given me.

I think, you should open your heart to treat somebody, I think you can get return. Come on, baby.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean here.

Anyway, just a quick update, I found out she smokes weed today, I'm 100% against drugs. Now, before, I'd just bury my feelings deep down in fear that I could mess up everything up, which is probably one of the main reasons my past relationships didn't work.

So, instead of lying when she asked if I was okay with it, I went for it and said

"Not really, I don't like it but as long as you don't do it around me, It's okay"

I felt much better for it and she seemed fine with that. So, being honest and speaking your mind really does help.

That was perfect. Be open and honest with everything up front, as it comes along, and you'll never have to fake anything.

Now follow through with that sentiment. If that was the truth you should have no problem doing that.
Haha this should be Rule #1 for relationships. Well said.

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- Lux et Veritas -

Thanks man.

I'm starting to think it's not going to work, I do like her, I really do. But, we were supposed to have a "Movie Day" together today, she was 3 hours late so I cancelled. I'm not going to wait around for her like that, I did enough of that with my ex.

She then got annoyed with me because I cancelled? You can't be 3 hours late and expect to just turn up and everything will be fine.

This unfortunately is where you do have to remember everything that PUA taught you. PUA is typically a way of gaining personal authority so that people cannot walk all over you. Some people, like myself, have personal authority in abundance from birth or early childhood, so we never get walked on or pushed around. In fact we tend to scare off people who would even consider trying to pull such bullshit, because they have no effect on us, can't manipulate us, and get a thorough tongue lashing when they even try. However other people, possibly yourself, weren't born with or didn't learn "what's not ok" for other people to do to you. PUA teaches you to have personal authority and you never give up this authority to anyone. Exception: the man who's holding a gun to your head or your loved one, but that's a different subject and not really relevant here.

In short: chew the bitch out, and if she doesn't change her tune and act like a normal considerate person, drop her like your balls after a cold swim.

I saw a movie the other night, "A Bronx Tale," that embodied this principle cinematically. This white Italian kid has the hots for a classy black girl, despite having knucklehead friends that want to beat up any black kid that comes into the neighborhood. The kid has an older gangster role model named Sonny, who loans him his car so he can go on a 1st date with this black girl in style. But Sonny warns the kid:

You borrow my car, and you give her the test.

The "Mario test"?

Mario's a psycho. Why do you listen to him? Give her my test, the door test.

What's that?

Listen to me. You pull up right where she is. Before you get out of the car, lock both doors. You get out of the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. You take out the key, unlock it, open the door for her. You let her get in. Then you close the door for her. You walk behind the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button for you... so you can get in, dump her.

Just like that?

Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over, lift up that button for you... she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her fast.

What about the beautiful things you just told me? Do what my heart tells me to do. Find someone to put wind in my sails. She could be a great one.

Bullshit, kid. The door test is what counts. You dump her, and you dump her fast.

Dump her?

Dump her.

That "Mario Test" sounds pretty awesome actually, I'll have to give that a try!

Well, we broke up today. She went to a party and she had a 'threesome' with two other guys. She came around this evening and told me about it like it was no big deal so I ended it. Fortunately this happened before I really developed deeper feelings with her, so after being a little bit gutted initially, I'm pretty much over it now. The whole three hour late thing kinda got me thinking about breaking up with her anyway.

This "relationship" did help me and teach me a couple of things though.

1. It made me realize that my ex girlfriend (one before her) isn't that special, and actually got me completely over her.

2. It made me realize that I should call girls out on shit

3. It made me realize that being 100% honest and up front is best. In the past i'd keep things to myself in fear of fucking things up, I won't be doing that anymore.

4. I've learned that you really do have to just go for it, if you don't you'll only end up regretting it and wondering 'what if'

Exactly what I have said in the past...fuck the fact regarding how it ended...so what...worse has happened to others but at least you learned something...
Dont forget this and understand that this will make you stronger...should not make you weaker...get back on the horse when you feel you are ready and try not to make the same mistakes twice.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.