Hi there !

Ok, I'll try to make it short. I'm with my gf since 1.5 years now.
Since the beginning of our relation, we were "the perfect couple", we loved each other a lot, almost never fight, saw each other every time when it was possible ... [b]She is not a confident person, feels easily stressed and she doesn't show easily her emotions.[/b]

This has lasted until the beginning of this year (academic year, in September).
The reason : our orientation. I tried to have one of the best school of the world, 300 km of my home, and I've been accepted. She has had one of the best school in our city.

So, back in September. Just before leaving, I was afraid, because I didn't know where I went, and that I loved her and wanted our couple to work like before, and she was distant with me. She became closer to her friends (girls), and particulary to her bestfriend (girl).
I felt she tried to low her feelings for me. I asked her about that, she told me that it was the case, because she didn't know what would happen.
I tried to reassure her about our futur, but she really seemed to have change her mind about our relation. So I left the city, a bit sad.

She started her school, and had a lot of work. She actually had no life, except when she saw her bestfriend / friends on the week end (night), or when she saw me (I come back every 2 week ends, more or less). I texted her every day, she answered but she is really too busy. Moreover, her teachers put a lot of pressure on her, so she is very very stressed, almost every time. When we see each other, she thinks a lot of her exams, her maths, her teachers ... She has too much work and pressure, and can't make something else.

I tried to make efforts, to help her, but I can't really. When she talks me about her work, she tells me "you can't understand, you're not in this school, so you can't". I know she has so much work, she can't do something else, but I'm still here !!

In November, she told me that our situation was not like before, that she didn't love me as much as before. I was very surprised, but sad also ... We decided to make a break. 3 weeks ago, we saw each other, told that we missed each other, and decided to went back together. She still had so much work.
For me, everything was ok, I still loved her. I went back at home for 2 weeks in the Christmas holidays, but only saw her twice !!! (she worked, was with her family, and made 2 parties with her bestfriend).

One week ago, I called her, in order to discuss about our relation : "What do you think about it ? You have to tell me, I don't really know what you think !". She answered "You know, I have a lot of work, every single time I think about it, even when I'm with you, I can't see my friends too, this situation is very not easy for me. It's not about you, I haven't met somebody, and if the situation was like last year everything would have been perfect...".

Since the call (3 days), I only texted her once (message about her math exam, answer very short)

We have to see each other in 2 days, but I think we will break up. I love her, she is a good and nice person. What am I supposed to do ? I know that our situation is very not easy.
Should I go back to the game, picking up other girls and coming back to her after ?

What do you think?

What do you want?

Dumb questions, of course, but hear me out.
Obviously you want what you had before, there is no question about it.

But from what you explain, it seems like her studies are really consuming her. If you pull her away...she most likely will resent you for keeping her from her education.

What is she studying?
Is this her passion, career?

If so, don't stand in her way...as hard as that sounds...support her. Don't push, just let her know, you are there in any way you can be...BUT LEAVE IT AT THAT. You are there for support and if any help is needed, then you are open to that too but don't take that in to your own hands, let her ask for the help, all you can do is offer.

If the time you spend with her is not valuable due to stress of studies, then why meet? It makes the time spent more tense...try to find quality time together away from the tense moments and if she truly can't, then leave for a time for which she can. Being there with her when she is not fully there won't really account for anything but rather make the relationship look worse. Like it's meaningless and it probably has alot of meaning, just hard to see right now from her perspective.

I know its hard when in that position, no doubt about it. I have been there.

Think to yourself, are you happy with this relationship...now, this doesn't mean you don't love her, but if if is a struggle to find great time spent together, then may be you should let her do what she needs to for her...don't be selfish and keep her from her dreams.

To me, it sounds like there is more to this and communication is the only way you can get to the bottom of this.

Actually she has ever worked in her studies. She is a very serious girl you know ...
What she is studying this year doesn't interest her a lot (she tells me) and is very complicated. She doesn't know whether she is going to stop it at the end of the year or continue for 1 year.

I told her several times that I'm here for her, that I know she has a lot of work... When we see each other in the week ends, she works until 7 pm, and she leaves the day after at 9 am. It is ever very short, still because she has to work.

I think she is actually lost, and I'm not here (physically present) every day, like last year. In the beginning of the year I asked her if she wanted to live with me next year, in my town, but she told me she's not ready to leave his city, familly ... I can understand that. But everything was so perfect before this year ...

I don't know what to do... And if she asks me what I think about breaking up ?
Should I do the Pick Up Artist, so tell her "ok ok, I understand", give no news, play my game, and wait for her to come back ?

Stop thinking about how things were in the past...it will make it worse.

If she is lost...all you can do is support her.

You can't game her into staying with you, this is her life...not a bar or parlor game.

Even if she doesn't like what she is doing...she is still doing it.

I know you want what you had back...who wouldn't but the bigger question is how to go about it.

If she says she doesn't know what to do, tell her to think it over...you keep saying she is over whelmed...pressuring her is only going to make it worse.

If that is not good enough for you...ok...Perhaps tell her...No...I don't want to break up...I want to be with you through this and I will give you your space while you get through this hard time...mean time...you are how far???...use that time to find yourself...do what you enjoy...and that doesn't mean bang girls...but if you have friends, hang with them...take up a hobby...regardless do what you feel is right for you...find your core happiness, it doesn't sound like you have.

When you can find the time to see her, do so...but dont break your neck trying, thats not good for you.

Thank you for your answers :-)

I support her in her exams and her work. I often tell her that I'm with her, that I'm here for her, that if I can do something she has to tell me ... But it changes nothing.
You know, since the beginning of our relation, it has ever been "the work first" in her mind, so it is not so surprising.

I'm trying not to think about the past, but you know it was so different ... I was the "alpha male", and now I don't like how I became, like a needy person.
To be honest, I don't "love" our situation (that she doesn't show me a lot of interest ; not being able to see each other every day ...) but I want to continue it, because we have built something, and i trust in. I know that when all those shit come to an end, she won't be like that anymore.

If it don't go cheating (I had and have many opportunities !) it's because I'm only waiting for our situation to become better. She only has 2 years in this school, working so hard, so it's not too long (we already have done 5 months).

Actually I don't know where i am. I'd like our relation to become what she was.
And I'm afraid about what we will decide to do this week end ...

It wont...I have been down that road.
I can definately relate to this one...I was in a 1 1/2 year relationship...the first 8 months were the sh!t! After a few fights, miscommunication and other crap thrown into the mix...there was a shift...I saw it and to try to get back all the great comments from her, warm affection and fun times in bed...I tried hard...and the harder I tried, the further I pushed her away. I spent the rest of the relationship trying to win back that girl she used to be but it's lost and there is no way to get it back...google it! The only possible way is time, alot of time between the 2 of you to reset the connection...but the chances are slim.
If you are sure about this...then you are in for a lot of heartache...Why??? Because you will reflect on the past more and more, wonder why it can't be that way and in the meantime, it's like you are with a whole other person...the days will be longer and well, won't be as fun either...you will need to be very strong in this situation...honestly...I couldn't do it...I had to get out...it was going no where...but my situation was different.

Know one thing...once this is over, there will be new challenges...other "drama" that can also put a damper on things...it happens in ALL relationships...one thing to consider...when the road gets tough...this will be how she will handle it and with that...know that you will have to pull both your weight and hers till you get back on top like you were. Dont make excuses...make a choice.

That's because she doesn't bring value to the relationship,from the contrary... Maybe if she moves in the mountains and takes the spiritual path.What I mean is,even after this shit come to an end,her peace will be temporary.
The fact that she brings up all this stuff in the relationship,they don't have anything to do with you.Sometimes people say "if she loves me she won't give me that kind of answers" but they don't realize that after the initial attraction settles,the true person emerges.That's how she grew up.That's who she is.
You may accept her just the way she is(provided she won't split up first) however personally i don't like people who talk too much with others about their problems/drain value and well being from others.I mean it's ok to mention them and maybe find a common solution,but to let them affect you on the long run,that's not ok anymore.
You really seem like a nice guy,i don't know you,but i assume you don't want a girl who takes value.Imagine,in 5 years you'll be living together,you come home she's stressed from work every single day(she's never happy).Eventually you will enter her pattern or you will break up.

Thank you very much for your posts. It helps me, even if I'm still a bit lost.
I'll see her tomorrow, and we will take a decision. I think I'll let her speak first, explain me everything about us (what she really thinks and wants), then tell her what I want. But i won't beg her to stay, if she wants to break up. I just will tell her that I trusted in our relation and that everything was very well during this time.

I will tell you two how this happened ;-)

Poet1234, you may be right, maybe in 5 years the problem will still be there, but in another form. I don't know, that's why I'm completly lost in this moment. I think that things will become clearer tomorrow.

Whatever happens, I will be on the one hand happy and on the other not. If I stay with her, we have built something and want it to work, but the situation won't change a lot during 1.5 years (her school). If we break up, all we have built will be destroyed, but I will be able to return to the game and pick up girls ...

To be honest I'd prefer the first proposition to happen, but I think that it will be the second

Try not to look at this from a negative standpoint. Use this and every relationship you enter as a learning experience. It will shape you into a better person if you can understand what caused the relationship to end...whether its you, her, not compatible or whatever...it didn't work. Understand why and move on, it will make you a better person.

We just broke up ...
I'm so sad ......
I would have giver her everything I have !

But I'm back in the game now ...

1.You have alot to learn about women, relationships and finding you true inner self.
2.Girls "don't" want everything but you will eventually learn that from trial and error.

Take this time to learn...it will hurt for abit, but you'll be fine.

Im coming out of a 1 1/2 yr relationship myself...it's hard to not look for her but it's not worth it, it's over and sadly...I told her that I'd do anything for her...her response, she rolled her eyes...I realized then I'd fukd up. It's over and I need this time to get my head back on straight.

_________________
You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

What advices can you give to me ?

We have talked a lot, and she told me that since the beginning of the year, our distance (300 km) and all her work, her feelings changed. She doesn't love me the way she used to last year.
Moreover, she has too much work, she can't do everything. She also told me that she thinks that a couple can't work with the distance ...

I'd like her to come back, but it seems to be very difficult now.

What can I do ? What should I do ? I guess going out and picking up girls, but I think that if I do it I'll forget her, and it's what I don't want ...

Yesterday I saw Wall Street,I love your name.I watched the old one,should I also watch the new one ? I didn't hear great reviews from critics.
Regarding this split up,you feel affected now.But if you don't get another girl you may feel affected even after 6 months,unless you focus on another person you will get stuck in this.But remember this is a quick fix,it's not the cure.After all,what I'm pointing towards is you focusing on other girls aka let other people dictate your state.
The real fix takes place inside you,by accepting(observing) depressing thought when it occurs : "i am sad,there's nothing i can do about it,it's ok to be sad after a break up"
I think that some part of this depression also comes from social pressure (as much as you would think it isn't).Society doesn't think "it's cool" to be alone.So adopting a mindset of: nobody judges me will help
About society influences...i broke up with a gf once,and i was out with a friend who i haven't talked with in a long time.I asked him if he knew her.So he started saying that he does know her,and how a kind persons she is,what a bad thing i've done by breaking up,etc,etc.So for the moment I was blinded,I actually told myself that I did the wrong thing and became depressed.The fact that she drank very much and didn't miss a party in town never crossed my mind.
These factors only add to your own pain.
Conclusion : If you make a decision stick to it,make your own world and define for yourself what's "cool" and don't fight your pain.

We did it today man ....

I'd like to have her again ...
She txts me tonight, telling me that I can call her if I'm not good.
I want her back, but I think that the only way for this is not to give news. So I didn't answered. I think I'll try not to give her some news.

During that time, I'll go picking up girls, changing my mind ...
Do you think it is a good plan ?
I really want to get back with her ...

[quote]Yesterday I saw Wall Street,I love your name.I watched the old one,should I also watch the new one ? I didn't hear great reviews from critics.[/quote]

Yeah man ! Wall Street is so good ! I only saw the old one too, but people told me that the new one was not as well as the old. One day I'll watch it :-)

[quote]Regarding this split up,you feel affected now.But if you don't get another girl you may feel affected even after 6 months,unless you focus on another person you will get stuck in this.[/quote]

I think I'll try to go out with other girls. It's the only way to get better, but I keep in mind that I want her back. When we broke up, she told me that she has nothing to reproach to me, that I was her most beautiful relationship, and that she'll keep all those memories.
I cried, like a shit... I told her that the only thing I wanted to tell was 3 words : "thanks" and "good luck". I think it is a good thing that we didn't ended the relation with an argument.
She told me that next time I come, she want to give me back my stuff. I told her that I don't want to, and that she can throw them if she wants.
What do you think about it ? I think that I shouldn't see her in 2 weeks. It won't be enough time., and I don't want to see her for this.