@kasabi -

you are barking up the wrong tree to some extent. here is why:

1) he never kept me around as a fuckbuddy. on the contrary, the sex came from my side. he was reluctant to start the sexual side not because of lack of attraction but because he doesnt know whether he wants a relationship with me. so gentleman indeed.

2) he has not had sex in the past 9 months despite having dated other girls. this clearly shows that there might be a few issues at hand that have more to do with comittment than sexual attraction. otherwise yu might be suggesting that he hasnt met a single girl in the past 9 months that he found attractive which is pretty:

Well . . . the previous quiz wasn't aimed at 'Cindy' or 'gentlemen'. I was calling out all the newbie wanna-be Internet PUA's to get their opinion of your situation. That's right, I am calling your guy a wanna-be low level Internet PUA. His actions reflect it. Now that you bring it up however, let's start up a quiz for the few 'gentlemen' who lurk this forum once in a while:

1. GENTLEMEN . . . you are gentle and you're a man. Let's say you really like a girl and you really are attracted to her but you really are not ready for a relationship (with Cindy1980) and you've expressed that you don't want to have sex with her for this very reason and she still initiates sex:

Do you have sex with her or not? Remember . . .you're gentle . . . and you're a man.

2. Gentlemen, Let's say a girl is really into you but you ARE NOT into her. How do you let her down easy?

a. Tell her she's an ugly pig.
b. Tell her she's OK for a fuckbuddy.
c. Tell her this, AND THEN FUCK HER! It's OK, you're all set. This is a freebie with no strings.

d. Tell her this, Then DO NOT fuck her. Remember? You're a gentleman. (You know that regardless of what you or she says, a girl will think that YOU FUCKING HER means that ARE ATTRACTED TO HER and a relationship is possible.)

All of ^this is just a dumb opinion of a guy who's turned over more than a few girls JUST LIKE YOU. Yeah, I know you're an individual and your situation is unique but I can't tell you how many times I've heard girls argue against their intuitions. It usually takes more than a few years for them to ever admit it. Some never do. . .

Go for the freeze-out. . . I truly hope things work well for you.

oh dear..

go ahead with your quiz, but kindly get it right!

1) whatever he is, he definitely is not a pua. trust me on this. this is not some type of trick. we have common friends that know him well.

2) question to you kasabi: do you start dating a girl and press on meeting her again and again if you dont find her attractive? especially if you are not screwing her because there isnt anything better around currently?

3) i know the ex`es, i`m exactly the same type, we look very alike.

4) you like to ignore the fact that he hasnt had sex in 9 months. so either there are comittment issues at hand that have nothing to do with me or this handsome young man only attracts ugly hags for the last 9 months..

5) his whole concept was more or less: date this girl, figure out what you really want and THEN have sex. believe it or not. and i am sure thats how he wants to keep it and that is the reason he hasnt progressed with any other woman. i was the one that suggested ending this before we met the last time and the response was that he very clearly didnt want that. he is pressuring himself with the whole "what do i currently want" issue, so i simply took the pressure out of it by saying that i want sex injected into the dating no matter what the outcome is, what happens, happens or not. that actually always is the way i see things, sex always is a part of dating to me.

the whole thing has nothing to do with keeping me as a fuckbuddy.

I've read this thread in its entirety... And to me it is pretty simple.

This is a simple case of the OP having an insecurity issue and not accepting that this guy might just not be all that into her.

'What do you mean he doesn't like me?! No it must be something else.'

The other thing that I find humorous is that the OP seems 100% confident that he is NOT an internet PUA, she's 100% confident that he's not had sex in the last 9 months.
How the hell can anyone be 100% confident in somebody else's life?? This is ridiculous.

Girls put guys in the friendzone. Guys put girls in the fuckbuddy zone. I think this is what really is going on here. Kasabi, I think you've hit the nail on the head.

Come on guys, if you were really into a girl, wouldn't you be trying at all costs to secure a relationship with her??

The OP's ego is simply clouding her judgement... Nothing surprising or out of the ordinary here.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

@tweeby-

a very good friend of his is one of my best friends. he does not know this. and the buddy we have in common has confirmed all this. he has not had sex in the past 9 months, despite dating several girls. he also asked him if he was dating someone, the guy i am dating responded that he was seeing someone and gave some infos as to how it was going. attraction was not the issue. he told my buddy that he isnt sure what he wants right now. my buddy also suggested that he suspects that he might be suffering from depression.

and i am getting tired of saying it, but this is not a fuckbuddy issue. i even suspect he will fall back into the "lets rather not have sex before i know what i want" attitude should we meet next time, so its very obviously not that.

I'm on board with this. I suggested the same thing and she conveniently ignored I said it and focused on Kasabi instead. If I had a nice, young, clean girl that would stick around and provide me with sex and affection while I look for the love of my life online, I'd sign up for that service, too.

It might not be a "fuckbuddy" issue, you might provide him with something else, like making him feel normal or not like a loser, or bragging rights; anyway, it's clear you're still being used by someone that's not really into you.

_________________
31 and still figuring it out.

Cindy, Im not anywhere near a PUA and ultimately still a chump so I am coming from a "normal non PUA" viewpoint.

You hit the nail on the head - he could very well be suffering from depression culminating in low self esteem and not much high regard for himself. He may very well be limiting your "relationship" to just being physical. firstly, not to get too attached to you and subsequently hurt, if you ever decide to leave him. Secondly he may very well have been hurt in the past. Thirdly, he could very well not see himself as being good enough for you.

I suffered from depression in the past and was totally scared to get attached to girls I kept it physical but whenever there was some kind of emotional connection not only would I get defensive but would run away.

Just a point of note though - I have slept with a fair few women this year and my best mates don't even know half of what has gone on. Just because one of his mates is adamant that he hasn't slept with someone in nine months DOES NOT MEAN that he hasn't slept with anyone.

In response to your original post - Option a seems the most appropriate way to deal with the situation. It keeps the door open, never burn bridges, and maybe it will make him revaluate the situation. It would work on me I know that.

Anyways as I said im not as well versed and knowledgeable as the other guys on here but its my two cents worth through experience.

@johnnyboy, minsok -


thanks for the response johnnyboy! one area where you went wrong is the part where the relationship was described as being "only physical". actually, that was the only part where there were severe problems. the reason you misunderstood this is because users like wasabi and minsok have hijacked this thread. yes, hijacked. there is a difference betweend dissenting opinions and making up facts as you go along, as soon as this begins you start sabotaging someone elses thread.

kindly let me elaborate: if minsok would have read this thread more carefully, he would have seen that at one stage i referred to a previous thread of mine which raised questions concerning the same guy, which CLEARLY showed that this guy was not out for sex. but of course minsok couldnt be bothered to read that thread. in the same thread you can read that yet another common friend of ours dated him a few months ago and stopped doing that because she had the impression that he was depressive and wasnt over the ex.

and the two times sex that occured I was the one who initiated it because the guy i am seeing basically begged me verbally to take the initiative because he was too shy. if he would be keeping me around for sex he would be behaving very different, i can already forsee that in our future meetings he will try to avoid it as well as he can.

the friend we have in common knows for fact that he hasnt had sex for that time span because he got worried about him after his break up and they had extensive talks on this issue. it seems that after the break up and a death in the family under very sad circumstances he entered a depression. the sex drive became very low (he said this himself), he is cocooning himself from his friends, he has insomnia and he constantly doubts things going on in his life. if you dont know the classic symptoms of depression, you should google them.

i am well above 30, have a great experience in dating and i am neither stupid nor blind. of course someone can be trapped in his subjectivity, but i am not in love and thus not clouded by emotions or expectations. this guy is neither a player ("he wants you as a fuckbuddy") nor is this a question of attraction. the issue at hand here is more complicated. i am dealing with someone who ideally wants to have sex with a girl when he has fallen in love. in the course of dating me he has started doubting whether he wants this and this explains the back and forth on the issue. the friend basically said that he really was into the girl he was dating (me) but has strong doubts on what currently is right for him in the current circumstances.

there is not much i can do. putting pressure will lead to nowhere. i will proceed by not getting in touch and letting him come my way if he chooses to do so. in the mean time i will see other guys. end.

We in no way hijacked your thread, we were talking about your problem the whole time. Clearly you have all the answers, so I'll refrain from offering my opinion, even when it agrees with you. Best of luck!

_________________
31 and still figuring it out.

Oh, the horror! There's no way that this guy could possibly dislike Cindy. . . No way! He's got depression and a low sex drive. She's 30 and not stupid and dislikes blindfolds. And of course her friend concurs with all of Cindy's ideas so this makes it all true. In the meanwhile she will continue getting dissed by the guy and 'date' other guys. LOL . . . Thanks for 'kindly' explaining all of this for us because we really had no idea what the hell was going on here. This thread has certainly been made in a factory that processes a lot of fucking nuts.

Guys,

1. YOU DO NOT have to fuck every open pussy out there. If you do not like the chick, just walk away.
2. Regardless of the weirdness demonstrated in this thread, always provide an 'easy way out' for the girl. "I'm not ready for a relationship" is STILL better than, "I'm not attracted to you." or "I don't like you." Read the third 'lesson' here: sun-tzus-art-of-pick-up-vt82716.html?highlight=
3. Do not underestimate the power of language. Read the way OP zones in on "DATE" and "DATING". Do any of you think her guy is really 'dating' her? No reason to feed fuel to the neurotic fire.

@kasabi-

he actually got in touch yesterday and for the first time gave some insight: he apologized and said he was going through a very hard time. he even admitted that he is in counselling currently.

fyi: the common friend is closer to him, than to me. he was very reluctant give me info because of this, but the weirder our story got, the more he felt that he had to shed some light on the issue. this was not a matter of telling me what i want to hear.
the small puzzle stones thus only added up with time.

if i would have posted back in the days where i met my second bf you would have been the first to say that the guy i was seeing wasnt really interested, using me or not that much into me. it was far worse than this. after 6 months of heavy back and fourth we ended up as a very happy couple and the relationship lasted 4 years. the guy also suffered from depression and was single a total of 7 (!) years before meeting me. he had strong inferiority issues and had issues with intimacy. what he needed was someone that was patient.

dear kasabi, the intention might be good, but your arrogance is a disgrace. pull your head out of your ass and think of the possibillity that you, the self proclaimed master of pua simply might have been wrong. had you read the older thread you wouldnt have started the "he is using u" nonesense in the first place and would have saved yourself from displaying yourself in this unfortunate way.

For the guys. Continued. . .

4. If you're F'd up, go find yourself a therapist. A confused & angry chick who uses words like 'kindly' and 'dear' while shoving her pussy in your face is not going to help you in any way.

Cindy,

I bet if you lost 20 to 30 pounds, got yourself a make over, lost the Nightingale complex and your propensity to blame everybody else for every negative outcome, you'd be an average 30 year old. Why not set some goals for 2011 and improve yourself instead of continuing on as the female version of the tank top wearing, tooth pick chewing predator of the weak?

@wasabi- the last comment was uncalled for. it just shows that you cannot deal with being wrong and that i must have hurt you. and just to illustrate how absurd your comments are: i actually used to work as a model till 3 years ago. my figure hasnt changed since..

Oops, I pushed it too far. To the guys:

#5. Regardless of whether she is 200lbs or 20 lbs overweight, never suggest she lose any; seems to piss them off.

Cindy = Hurt and be hurt. Attack, defend, and counter attack. Sugar coat it kindly dear and blame the outcome of it all on everybody else. You do hurt me. I'd be interested to hear about the factory that created you but I doubt you'd be willing to share. And it doesn't sound as if you're going to take it easy on yourself any time soon so I'd like to offer one more option other than the 'freeze out'.

1. Iron griddle pan as HOT as the stove top will go. Safflower or Canola oil in.
2. Bone-in rib eye about an inch thick. Season with Salt/pepper.
4. Whole garlic ready
5. Rosemary on stem ready.
6. Buy the sides so you can focus on the steak.

Griddle pan starts to smoke, steak in. Take a peak after 2 minutes or so. Flip ONLY after the bottom side has strong sear marks. Let the other side cook. Garlic and rosemary in. When rosemary begins to lose color, place on top of steak. Tilt the pan to its corner so that you can spoon up the rosemary/garlic infused oil to the top of the steak. Flip the garlic around so it doesn't burn. When bottom is done, tilt the steak vertical and also sear the fat. Nice . . . plate with sides in one large dish and wait 5 min before serving. Feed.

When he speaks, put your finger on his lips then cut him a steak. When you feel like speaking, just shut up and shove in a piece of that juicy steak. Chew. Smile. Eye contact. Eat. There is no vegetarian version of this routine.

kasabi = clearly making stuff up as he goes along and not ashamed with it. next lie: "negative outcome". reality: ever since he came out about his depression to me personally we have become closer and things are uncomplicated currently.

i know thats bad news for you. what doesnt match your theories simply cannot be.

you might want to use your creative energy in a fairytale-forum. all the best!