Tried to post this in the relationship section to no avail.

Long story short, I've been with a girl over one and a half years. Unfortunately, I bent my boundaries for this girl until she was no longer chasing me. The typical "not being who you were when you started dating" thing. In the end, she was questioning her feelings, did not want to be together, but still wanted to be around me.

Again, mistakenly, I was around her when she was not my girlfriend. Still sex, but far less of it, cuddling, kissing, etc.

Everything culminated a few nights ago where she grew even more confused and unsure of her feelings. I told her I would make it easy for her; we are not together, I do not want to be her friend, and I need to live my life.

I've been, heartbreakingly, ignoring any jealously plotline she lays down, going out, not whining or complaining or being a total loser begging for her back.

So I go online, and it starts with her laying down some cheesy line to try and talk to me. Like, "Are we giving back each other's things." I ignore it. Then I get a text acting like it's some game and she knows what will go down. Then I get a final text saying "Hey I need my stuff back I don't want other girls fucking with it" I ignored this, too. Didn't answer to any of her half assed attempts to talk to me.

She was also offended the night before I wanted nothing to do with her, but I said no hard feelings and good luck

I'm trying to follow the Ex Squared system and no contact rules, but her contact is not the kind of contact one wants, so I'm in a hard place.

Long story short, what do I do? Do I keep ignoring her with this type of threatening, power grabbing behavior? What if she threatens to call the cops or something for her things back after I ignore her for so long. How do I respond to this?

And, worst case scenario, what if she drops off a box of my stuff with the personal things and jewelry (a cute necklace she would never take off)? This would clearly be to hit my soft spot, so what do I do there.

What do I do in this situation guys, and how do I come out on top? She will still probably do more things to try and make me jealous....puts up a fight a bit more difficult than the typical example so any help would be sincerely appreciated.[/i]

Well, a recent quick update.

She called, said she was "testing me," basically tweaked I was having a good time, said she wanted nothing at all to do with me unfriended me on facebook the whole nine yards. Hung up the phone crying, said she was upset and hurt and disappointed in me.

I told her I did not ask for this, it is entirely her decision, but she had one shot to tell me anything she wanted before she left. She didn't, so I say goodbye and good luck.

I gave her the chance to say what she wanted and get it out in the open, but she cried said she wanted nothing from me or to do with me and that I hurt her then deleted me from facebook, aim, etc.

So what do I do now? Ignore her more? Am I in the thick of the ex squared system...she lost the first battle and now she's trying to make me bend keep me in the dark and make me chase her, and I just need to leave it and enjoy my life and she'll eventually come back...is this the first stage of no contact?

Opinions, anyone?

Well things just got a lot crazier.

She thought I was sleeping with another girl, finally initiated contact, acted all dramatic said she had nothing left etc etc then told me she was forcing herself to fall out of love with her because I hurt her.

I just acted okay with it and whatever will be will be.

She then made me unable to view her facebook, permanently blocked me from aim, etc and I think the last time I will see her is when she comes to get her stuff.

Will no contact still work in this situation, or am I pretty much fucked? She was jealous, upset, seems like it will be a labor for her but I know I can't chase or force it.

Anyone, please give me a little insight or opinion.

I'm in such a fucked up situation as well, that I'm face-palming with you.

Basically, since you were the one that managed to break it off, and she's already got the jealousy aspect, which is going to play into your favor, I do believe this won't be permanent.

The question is, do you want to continue playing the game, or do you want to stand up and walk away from the table leaving her staring at an empty chair? Eventually she'll leave the table, and move on to game with another.

The internet chat, the facebook, they're all things that can really get in the way. I personally am fed up with even texting, I want nothing more than voice communication.

So try to stick to the basics, and ask yourself the main question: "Do I REALLY want this girl anymore?" AND "How long will it be before shit potentially starts to swirl down the drain again."

i dont get it. Shes jealous and worried if i hang out with another girl and interrogates me but at the same time she blocks me in every possible way almost erasing me from her life. She sees me possibly w another woman says she is getting sick to her stomach but only because we have a past. Then she tells me shes forcing herself to fall out of love with me because i hurt her and she promised herself she wouldnt let that happen so all she thinks of are the bad things? How does this fucked up situation work. Once she grabs her shit and continues this and the no contact really lays on and she doesnt talk to me for more than 3 days will she start thinking about good things again and cave? I dont get this at all. Then she has a necklace she says she wouldnt dare take off that i gave her but then tries to say because its just a nice piece of jewelry. Can ANYONE make sense of this and help me gain control again.

Guys, I can't make any sense of this.

I got texts asking why "I was being a jerk and hateful," then "Nevermind, forget it. you did a bad thing.

Then, "So you know, I didn't want this to happen." Then "You've been proving to me that you don't love me anymore anyway, though."

What is this?

Okay, so here's an update all.

She hung out with her ex today, and after being so tweaked and upset about the thought of me with another girl 2 days ago, she is now indifferent and would not be phased by it.

Didn't do anything with the ex, but intends to.

Where do I go from here?

I have a little experience in this kind of situation since I help a friend and myself getting back with our exs. The real trick is being indiferent to her shit, and non contact only exists in my opinion when she is not contacting you.Good she broke it off good for you.

At this point not much you can do now just be indiferent dont do anything. My personal opinion she broke it up though she was the "Man" that she could go on without you, but she misses you she having doubts and like all the girls she is trying to test you to see if you are still there for her SO DONT BE(she cant feel she still has the power in you, or will be GAMEOVER). You have major disadvantage here its really good she finds a REBOUND GUY because usually she will compare with him and she is only wants to be reassured, but she is contacting her ex which sucks really hard because she is going to a safe harbor. So let her go. by now maintain the non contact she has to pick her things.

Arrange a meeting with her for grabbing her stuffs its was probably and excuse to contact you, ask her when she is coming by for her stuffs, then say you have something in that hour or day but the DAY X i have time dont contact her right away when she does. Be indiferent that the key maintain the eye contact try to read her , nervours and shit. Dont respond her right away tell her you were busy. you are busy guy now lol.

and when you are going to talk about your feeling like she did on the phone I would immedialtly say "sorry but if you wanna talk about that we should do it person i really hate having this kind of talk by phone"


MORE IMPORTANT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN GO FLIRT WITH OTHER GIRLS, THAT THE KEY TO SUCESS. AND YOU DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN NOTHING TO HER SHE IS NOT YOUR GF ANYMORE.

Thanks for the response.

I've already hit a rebound and been out with my friends having awesome times, but my mind still goes back to her.

She basically played the "I'm appalled if you're not there for me card," like you said. The second she got the info she wanted she flipped sides. "I need to know if you care so I know if I should move on."

So I guess I just ignore everything, don't talk with her, and keep my mouth shut even though she's hanging around her ex-boy and, apparently, loving it?

Can I still get to her when she was with me up until a couple days ago, hangs out with the ex boy and finds its cool, and then just jumps ship like that? Or is she immune to everything now because she has the new-old boy to latch on to?

I felt like the ex was a safe harbor (I have a more dominant personality, better looks, etc) but I feel she may be growing feeling of attractions towards him for whatever reason. Any suggestions for dealing with or disabling the safe harbor? How can I, when she's going to him, make it look like she made the wrong decision. You know, like "Why did I ever chose to go back to this loser"


Thanks again for the help.

Hi man !

I understand your situation because I almost am in the same. Actually, I am with my girl since 1.5 years now, and I feel she is losing interest and love for me (she even told it to me !). The reason of it is that she has too much work, and stress (and it's true, she works 24/7, really !). But you know, I love her, even if I know I'd be able to pick up other girls. So I wondered what I should do right now.

Whatever, in your situation I think that her turn to her ex is very very not spontaneous. In my opinion, she does it ONLY to make you jealous. Don't show her that it makes you something, she'd have won !
Man you have to know what you want : being with her, or going back to the game ? Hard right ? I'm in the same situation ...

I know that your situation is pretty difficult for you. Good luck man !

just an update;

did not engage in no contact as a wayto punish her. she said she did not want the relationhip, so that was that.


on another note, she wanted to get her things back today but we ended up going to the mall before going to my house.

It was a lot of fun, she complimented me non stop and i was confident cool and fun, but she was dropping hints of me not being her boyfriend and that other girls were going to see how good i looked now and things like that. my response was, "hey dont even bring it up just have fun."

In the car on the way back she cried. Again, she said she didn't know what she wanted, couldn't choose, but also " couldn't make herslf numb to us"

So we hung out at my house, watch a movie. my friends and girls now text me like crazy and she was getting jealous. who are you texting, what girls, i think youre already sleeping around, youre going back to your old self etc. my response was im not you boyfriend but youre ovrreacting calm down. she said she wanted to go home afte the movie and sulked the whole time. then as she gathered her things she bawled her eyes out, threw her ex bf under the bus said he didn't even care about him etc and all of that stuff, but still said

"i cant break the promise i made to myself to be with someone that hurt me."
she didnt even want to be friends because the wound is too fresh.


but the biggest thing was that ex i felt threatened over she said she didnt want to be with him and excitedly said she had no interest, so that was a surprise.


i told her i would like to hear from her and see her but i will not beg and she needs to figure things out on her own.

so based on this, what do i do? she seems so conflicted, but no matter what i do it doesnt make her forgive or forget. she wont be with me but doesnt want anyone else to have me, but she clearly still cares. I'm afraid no contact will isolate her now but i don't want to be a needy loser either especially if she doesn't want it, but it is because she's hurt.what do i do? My words can't make her forgive or forget, and whether i leave her alone or am just cool and dont bring anything up and hang with her she cries. how does one handle this?

also, to the mods, can you please merge this with the thread in the relationship section "dealing with ex's. the safe harbor"

You shouldn't have watch a movie with her like I said you are a busy guy, she has to feel that you guys are not dating and that include not watching movies with her like a puppy, you dont have time for her now she is not your girlfriend she has to think about this, and feel she really lost. ty god your friends saved you sending you txt and make her jealousy but still mistake by your part.

She cried Whoo, nothing special girls do this all the time, probably to see how you would react. Remember it was not your choice,it was her.

And the ex not being interested, she isn't it always a rebound guy she just want the validation she can get, so she doesn't feel like crap.

Also i still dont understand why is she mad with you, what did you do for you two to break up.

And you cant be her friend believe me or you go psychical right away or you cant be her gay friend watching movies with her, the last thing you guys can do is to be confortable one each other, gameover. So go out, move on. if you go ask her for coming back you will only push her away and she will feel in the top of the mountain because in her head she can snap her finger and you comeback you wont win this way.


Let me tell a story of my friend which i think is very close to you. His girlfriend broke up with him she explain to him she was unsure about her feelings, so he became pushy trying to please the best he could, they had sex for a few weeks but in time she grew more and more far away to a point, where my buddy became so desperately that he became her gay friend, having lunch with her, and going to a mall, has friend nothing pyshical happening just enjoying company of eachoter. Then one day she told him,. she just wanted him as friend and she no longer loved him. So my friend became a bit depressed and she could see that so she became a little bitch joking with him to one night they had a huge fight because he found her friends and they invited him to go party with them o a club which he agreed, when she discover this she became mad and overreacted " they were my friends go find your on friends fuck you just fucking leave my life".As you can see a little dramatic, in my opinion to play with his feelings and to see him more depressed, so she delete him for her life blocked his number Facebook for this particulary reason.
Then I intervene we start going out, I give him some tips in how to pickup a girl what to do and stuff he start having some success with girls. 2 Months passed and no contact he still loved her but I always said he should move on, and one night he had a dinner and her exgirlfriend was there, so he behave like he didnt care he was enjoying more his friends and unreactive to her she begins treat him like a boyfriend, Holding his hands, like hey got back in time, He sent me txt that night and i told him BE UN REACTIVE. She followed him around all night long, to a point when she lost him, she sent a txt asking where he was and to join her, and he said he didn't want to. After that night my Friend start receiving mails from her saying she was stupid that they should continue as friends and bla bla. At that point I told him she misses you believe. he told me impossible.

Nowadays, a girl that ignored his efforts for a full month, made him his puppy, said she didn't love him anymore that he was boring and she want her life a bit more spicy ,hell even talk to him about another guy and after that dinner everything changed, emails started rolling, and then the invitations to coffees, and now she says " you are the man of my life I love you I want you again i cant live without you" the months they were separated she could see how much she missed him.


GIRLS ARE WEIRDOS!

Hey bud, the other thread is locked, so I'm replying to this one instead.
Demonstrate this with your actions, not your words. She'll realize that being in a relationship with you is easier than pulling this "I don't know what I want" stuff.
I would have stopped her right then and there and said, "I understand you're feeling hurt. But you say you don't want to be with me. You cannot let go of our past, and I cannot be in a relationship with someone who won't move forward." Then I would have ended the interaction. (IE don't bring her to your house; meet her at the coffee shop or somewhere that you can leave at any time)
Was that really a surprise? It should not have been. She is trying to validate her worth and/or make you jealous, as we have said.
This is her problem, not yours. Don't try to help her forgive you. If she cannot forgive you then she is living in her past, which is not reality.

Don't tell her you won't beg. Just keep it carefree. Make it clear you want her to be around but that she needs to move forward with you. Kinda like a third or fourth date. That is all you can do.

OR

NEVER CONTACT HER AGAIN. This girl is too insecure to handle a relationship. There are so many girls out there who are mature and won't pull this mind game with you. I promise.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

thanks for all the awesome replies. My only issue right now is she seems so sensitive and insecure after the sob stories that i feel i will be severely and almost purposely hurting her by no contact and i dont want to come across that way. Any thoughts? Also im ive been told by mutual friends she posts sad lyrics on fb like makes me wonder by maroon 5 whixh is basically about saying goodbye to someone. Should i be paying attention to any of this shit or is this all pretty standard drama that will occur during no contact before she caves and gets in touch. Again thanks for helping put things into perspective