what is to be done in the scenario where two people date and the enthusiasm on the the other persons side starts decreasing / isnt the same as it used to be at first?

its not like we are not meeting, but i am getting the sense that its not leading anywhere right now, despite great sex..official reason: he isnt sure whether he wants more right now. he used to try to see me as soon as possible in the past, that has changed and where he stopped/hardly was being online on dating sites, he is there online more often these days, reshuffeling/uploading new pictures.

so whats the solution?

a) freezing out.

that will definitely cause him to arrange a date soon, but after that date it probably will not kickstart him back to the state we had before, namely wanting to arrange the next date as soon as possible. so would the solution be "freezeout" in between the dates again and again if the next isnt arranged in a time span i deem appropriate?

b) be honest and frank and say in a calm way that i am losing interest/looking elsewhere because currently its not working for me in a "its not a big deal" way and give a brief explanation when i am asked?

hmmm....

I hate to admit it because I hate this particular game, but make yourself less available. Nothing drives us crazy more than when a girl starts blowing us off. This will definitely get his attention, but only until he has you again. If he's back to online dating, that's a sure sign he's just keeping you around for sex until he can lock down someone else. If you really don't care as much as you say, have some dignity and completely cut him off.

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31 and still figuring it out.

What's the problem?

The guy doesn't seem too exciting and you don't seem to be too into him anyways. And he's already got one foot out the door. Just go have a chat with him and tell him you're not into it . . and clearly, he's not into it as he's doing his rounds on the Internet dating stuff . .

Don't let him talk his way out of it. Just let it go. . . there's nothing here to fix. Go find yourself a guy and a relationship worth 'fixing'.

ok, i might not have been clear.

he definitely isnt "keeping" me for sex. before we got sexual he actually tried to stop us steering off into that direction because he wasnt sure he wants a relationship right now. concerning the "online dating": we both have a profile on a dating site, but it also is used to communicate/stay in touch with friends..its just that he is spending a bit more time there, i wasnt suggesting that he is online the whole day.

i am absolutely fine with the sex, we both enjoy it. its just that i am not "investing" much emotionally because i know he is holding back, on the other hand there are many good sides to him. so whatever way it goes, i am fine with it.

i just want to give it a last try to "kick start" it again before i give up..its not the he isnt caring or not getting in touch at all, it just was more intense before..

No relationship remains the same but . . . If you're fine with whatever way it goes, what's the point? Hell, I care more about the directions my pizza delivery guy takes than you do with your relationship. It's OK. Even if you don't give it that last ditch kick start effort, I won't think any less of you.

Sometimes a man will hold back because he senses the girl is holding back. If you want to give it a last, best shot to work out, stop holding back and give him your all, stop playing games. It will be immediately clear whether you're meant to be together. You risk a lot of rejection, though.

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31 and still figuring it out.

@kasabi - i do really like him and thus i want to continue seeing and getting to know him. but the fact that things are somehow slowing down is making me more carefull and thats why i am trying to reframe my point of view and thats why it might be that it is coming across like i dont really care, but that is not the case. i really want to date him, just not the way things are currently.

Here's a little secret. I have always admired the intuition of a woman. No f'ing joke... crazy girls, judgmental girls, uneducated, PhD's, professionals, jobless, super stars, or even wired out druggies . . . I have learned that all women are blessed with an uncanny ability to 'feel': 'Something is not right'. . .'That guy is weird'. . .'There's something really special about that guy'. . . "Something bad is going to happen" . . . A girl won't always voice it out but you can see it in her face, hear it in her voice, her gestures, her moods . . . it's all there.

And here's proof that God has a wicked sense of humor and proof that God probably is MAN. He also gifts women with a crazy propensity to doubt her own intuitions and instead go with what's written in some text. Some rely on Walt Disney, others go with Oprah's book club; there's of course all the magazines and if she's the academic type, she'll follow the step by step instructions of a PhD who gathered his knowledge by reading written material of PhD's before him.

Why do you figure you're not trusting your own intuitions? Your intuitions have already expressed that you should not get involved. There's a fire out in your front yard and you're not sticking your hand in there. What is there to solve? Would you have a chat with the fire and then stick your hand in there? Would you walk around the block few times and then stick your hand in there? Why not just spray the fire down and plant some nice flowers in its place?

He told you before you got involved with him that he was not looking for a relationship. He's telling you now that he's not looking for a relationship (by treating whatever you two are doing as casual sex while lurking for others) Your intuition has already sensed this and has smartly pulled your emotions back. Why fight it? Go head and just follow your intuitions and your emotions; pull yourself back.

Some more things to think about:

As much as women are like cats, guys are JUST LIKE DOGS. You show fear and they'll take advantage of you. You go, "Here boy . . . go fetch," and wave that frisbee around and they'll start wagging their tails. You went into your situation knowing that he guy isn't into a real relationship; it's as if to say, "Well, this is better than nothing." - This is what EVERY retarded wanna-be pua is looking for, "Well, I told her I'm not into a relationship and she told me OK."

Your soul wants a real relationship. Let this one go and next time, DEMAND what you desire. You tell the guy exactly what you want.

1. You'll lose a few but the ones you lose will be just like this fella you're involved with now: Mr. Wishy Washy.
2. Guys looking for serious relationships tend to stay away from Ms. Wishy Washy.

@kasabi- thanks for the response, but you are basing a lot on assumptions that are totally false.

he never said that he was not looking for a relationship. he said he was not sure. this little sexret didnt come out at the beginning, as at first he was extremely pro active about meeting, this just came out at the end. he was trying to prevent anything sexual from happening because he didnt want to lead me into wishy washy. it turns out that after his break up which occured 9 (!) months ago, he never has had sex since.

i alwasy was very clear in what i wanted, namely: simply date him and see what happens. do i want a relationship from him? i cannot tell you, we hardly know each other (5 dates). i simply want to spend more time to let things progress if they do. so i reassured him that whatever happens, happens and if not then that is fine too. it was after that that we finally had sex.

so the issue i am concerned about is not getting burnt as you suggested, but that i am trying to break the shield that he is bringing up / the aspect of holding back. if there is any pua advice on this it is greatly appreciated..

I fucking knew it! I said you should go balls out and risk rejection for romance, Kasabi said you should go with your intuition and cut your losses. That covers the entire spectrum! You just want to keep doing what you're doing, keeping him at arm's length, and just bitch about how things aren't going how you want on a message board.

Here's the option you're probably looking for: stay in your relationship as it putters along to its demise and just cheat mercilessly on your boyfriend to make up for what you're not getting out of the relationship. That's what I'd expect someone too spineless to make a stand to do.

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31 and still figuring it out.

no, i dont want to continue this. thats why i am asking for advice. so far there are two options: A freezing out/ becoming really unavailable to make him re-think how much of value i really am or B to directly confront him that things were different and i am losing interest because of that shift in a very easy going way.

so any advice on which would be better first and alternatives are welcomed.

This is always the best option because if he has no interest then you'll know because he'll drop contact, but if he does have interest he'll start to chase.

My only question is why the hell are you bothering with a guy who (for whatever reason) doesn't want to fuck you when there are thousands of guys who are just as smart/funny/good looking etc. and would love to?

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@blondguy - thanks for the response!

actually the reason he is hesitant to get sexual previously is simply that he doesnt know whether he wants something serious right now and doesnt want to create the impression that he is "using" me and thus everything has become wishi washi. thats why he has not had sex in 9 months, i was the first since.

why am i bothering? because everything was really great up to this point and we really have a great time together on a personal level, the times we had sex were great too. so thats why i have not given up entirely yet.

concerning freezing out: i know he will not drop contact. because prior to getting physical there was great fuss (see my previous thread) which reached a stage where i suggested stopping seeing each other (unless he tells me what is going on in a non-drama way) which he clearly didnt want. so he is stuck in between definitely wanting to spend time with me, but isnt sure about how to proceed in terms of dating/sex because he doesnt know what he wants/if he wants more.

we saw each other on tuesday, not heard from him since. he will get in touch latest tomorrow to suggest to hang out with friends at some danceclub. i will simply say i have other plans and wait for him to get in touch to suggest to meet up. that would be the plan.

If he's not sure he wants anything serious, it's because you haven't sold him. Men are a lot like women on this, a guy is always ready for a woman that's going to refresh his life and make him more alive. Doesn't matter if he just got divorced, is behind on the mortgage, whatever. He's really saying I don't want to commit to YOU. The romantic in me says you should show him a new side of you, but whatever, blow him off until he gets frustrated and finds someone else or spinelessly comes begging back is good, too. It's always a good idea to keep playing PICK UP games when you're already in a relationship. Italics is for sarcasm. Your second option sounds like what someone in an adult relationship would do when it's not working out...

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31 and still figuring it out.

What's going on here? You kids jump on every thread with your creative opinions for every little pick up situation but none of you have pounced on this thread; this is where you can make your mark! Please help Ms. Lonely Hearts by completing the following quiz:

1. You meet a girl. She does not have a penis; she has a vagina. She is willing to fuck you. You're working on your PU skills and you got your inner game mojo rockin' the Singles Websites. You think if you apply yourself, you'll do better than her. Hell, there's like thousands of members online right? Like THOUSANDS . . .

a. You tell her that you're a gentleman and there is no way in hell that you will have sex with her because you are NOT going to have a relationship with her.

b. You give up your dreams of being an Internet PUA and settle for the girl who has no penis and has a vagina . . .even though you think you can do better.

c. She's not that hot but is willing to wrap her lips around your cock, even seems pretty cool with it even though you're not technically in a relationship. So you tell her the ol', "I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship" line. You still dip your pipi once in a while and you don't have to do jack shit for her. Nice . . .

2. ^This girl now 'freezes' you out:

a. Who does she think she is? LOL . . . I ain't calling her back. I'm an Internet PUA mutha fucka! No . . . I'm an Internet MPUA mutha fucka! I'm gonna get lucky in like 2 weeks. . . maybe 3, no more than 8! No settling for me!

b. Ohhh. . .my heart! My heart! The girl that I've been keeping as my personal, low budget fuck fuck toy didn't call me ONE TIME! I better call her right now and get on my knees and tell her I'm down with this relationship business. All in!

c. Woh, woh! Hold on a second. My Internet MPUA spidey sense is tinglin'. I might lose my convenient fuck box. . .I can still tell her that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship . . . and maybe willing to try slowly but I still need time. I can probably milk this for at least another month or so. Probably get her to go for anal before it ends. . . and what the hell do I have to do to get her to swallow my seed anyways? (Note to myself, start an anal-close thread on PUAF tomorrow.)

*Here's the fun part. How would you have answered these questions if the girl was an HB10?

**Also curious to hear from guys who've turned over a few Cindy1980's. What have you done before? What would you do differently now? (I just want to know if I am the only cold-hearted bastard around here)