So I am new to the game, but I feel like I need to figure this out before I go out because it'll be on my mind when I approach girls. So my ex and I dated for over 4 years (I'm 21, she's 20), and we broke up like 2 months ago. Reason why I broke up with her: she told me she cheated on me (gave another guy oral twice). We tried to move on from it, but in the end, I just never could have trusted her again - like I would want to know everything of her day, and I didn't want her to go out to parties if I wasn't there too. I broke up with her because I felt like I needed to, not because I wanted too (I loved her then, and still do) - it just wasn't a healthy relationship for us so it needed to be done.

Fast forward to present day, we both know we miss each other. She told me that she knows I am be the best BF she will ever have (acted very AFC, getting her stuff and just making her happy in anyway possible). She also says she misses me, she sees a possibility that we may get back together one day, and she says she loves me still.

Because I still love her too, and hearing all this makes me want to get back with her, I ask if she wants to, but she says no because she's "seeing someone." Apparently she is semi-committed to a guy, but have no title of boyfriend-girlfriend. She tells me she needs space from me, because she doesn't want to ever cheat again (and I believe she won't). I tell her that it wouldn't be cheating since they don't have the titles, but that doesn't matter to her.

Now I'm just messed up. Like, ok, I get that I need to give her space. But I know we both still love each other, she even said so herself. I know I am the reason that she and that other guy aren't "official" yet. She is working hard to make sure we stay friends though (my guess is so that our potential to get back together one day would be strong). I feel as if I can trust her again too, so it hurts even more to me.

Wtf am I supposed to do? What does it mean when my ex says she loves me, but also says she doesn't want to be with me, at least for the time being? Why does she want to stay friends, knowing how we feel for each other but stuck in this situation, is my guess right? I know this is oneitis and I should meet other girls and all, but she's like on my mind constantly, and it's easily affecting my inner game. I cry about it every now and then, how can I stop the crying?

I feel like someone just needs to slap me and say, "Forget about her, and meet new girls." Am I feeling this way because she was my first GF (I was her first too)? ... What should I do?

Sorry for long post, feel like I need to get everything out so that you guys can best help me. Please help me guys, I'm so lost, confused, sad, mad, etc. Thanks.

Heh, I actually related to your story. My first love broke up with me about 8 or so months ago, and 2 months is about the time I truly got over her.

One of the most important lessons I learned: words mean nothing. "I love you", "I miss you", "I can't be with you right now" ... all of it is BS.

What is important, then, is nothing other than action. And her actions speak loud and clear: "I don't want to be with you. I am with someone else."

So consider this your slap. Consider this your motivation. Forget about that girl, don't talk to her anymore, get off your ass, and meet other girls.

You're on a PUA forum, so you've got plenty of help.

I agree with this.

I've been in the same situation as you, we break up, she gets with someone else and then continues to flirt and say she liked me, hell, we even slept together a couple of times whilst she was seeing this other guy. They break up, I think "great, finally, we can get together" I ask her out, she turns me down because she "doesn't want to cheat on me again"

I think it's just a thing girls say so they don't hurt your feelings, but also because if she knows that you're there, she has a "safety net"

It wont happen between the two of you, as much as you think it will, it just wont. If shes not willing to stop seeing this guy for you, she probably doesn't love you as much as she says she does, sorry man.

Im not a PUA, far from it, so I wont be able to give the kind of advice some on here will give. What I will say tho is that youre both young and you both have been together since you started a sexual life, im presuming anyways. She may want some variety now, better sooner than later when she doesnt get the chance.

In other words she may well be emotionally connected to you, even physically too, but right now she wants some variety and maybe you should take that approach also.

Who knows in a year or two or five you guys may get back together for GOOD.

Thanks everyone. Yea, we were each other's first relationship, and well first everything. She clearly acts in a a way that says she doesn't want to get back with me, regardless of some things she may say. Maybe Johnnyboy29 is right in that she wants to experience what else is out there before she would ever even consider committing to me again?

Action speaks louder than words, and since its not meant to be now, then I should move on and ignore her and her emotional remarks.

I joined this community to help me forget about her and try to meet new girls, hopefully, ones better than her. What do you guys suggest I do: Give enough time whilst ignoring her so that I finally emotionally disconnect with her before trying this PU stuff, or just going out there (still hung up on her) to accelerate the process? I kind of feel like I would just crash and burn out there if I try flirting with other girls cause I'll think of her... If only forgetting about her is as easy as it sounds.

Perhaps maybe I can use this shit as an opener to girls like say, "Me and my ex broke up a while ago, but she still gives me mixed emotions. I think its cause I always tried to make her happy. But I want to move on from her. What do you suggest I tell her so we can coexist as friends?"

Like would this be a DHV in that they now know I treated her right? This way I can try PU but have her on my mind during the approach so that I can more easily transition into the tried-and-tested openers.

What do you guys think, just wait until I finally move one, try PU knowing she's still in my mind, or try that opener?

Sector hope it works out well for you.

I have been there and thats why I suggested that it could be her needing some variety. My girlfriend of two years cheated on mer when she went to Paris for a couple of months - we were at uni at the time, 10 years ago. She wasnt my first girlfriend but she was my first love and I was hers.

We broke it off, a couple of years went by and we remained friends, she, still with this guy who she cheated on me with, wanted us to get back together - she never stopped loving me etc. She even broke it off with her then boyfriend. She is now married to him as I said that we shouldnt get back together etc.

Still to this day she still loves me and will always want me and I will always love her.

good luck and hope this gives you some kind of confidence and hope.

2 words of advice:

1) actions speak louder than words.

2) RUN from people who do not know what they want. they make everyone involved unhappy and always are in a win-win situation.