I had already the no contact period. I didn't heard her since. Now i want to reinitiate contact.

- I am about to write a FB message. Is it a good idea to put at the end: "btw; you don't have to see me again (just to be friendly with me). if you don't want, i'll respect it and not contact you anymore, don't worry:) "

- when meeting: Should i bring up the old stuff, ask her where we went wrong?

- Should i bring up emotions, like "i really missed you", etc?

- Where to go? Get a beer? Do something active like ice skating, bowling,..?

generally i'm looking for some tips what to say and how to behave when meeting her the first time again. probably she feels something for me, but when she meets i think it's more just to be "friends"..


thank you for the help

In my opinion, you shouldn't reconnect with exes. Why? There's always a reason why you broke up. Knowing you were in a relationship with her, you'll try to remember a lot of the good days you had between eachother. But the fact of the matter is, it'll never be the same, how hard you try. The reason why you broke up, will problebly the same reason that will keep a huge fraction between you to.

Just move on man, it's for the best...

≠ LD

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I appreciate your comment

However, it was not an answer on the question.

It is a particular case, there wasn't a clear event that caused the breakup, just some misscommunications.

So what do you actually want from this, be friends or something more? Fuckbuddies? I don't know what you are actually referring to..

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Well, i want to see her again and see what is possible, because i still have strong feelings for the girl.

If I see nothing's more possible after the first date, i'll let it go obviously. I don't want to be her friend.

Then do not contact her. Contacting her whilst still having feelings for her will only end bad, you'll take what she says personally and to heart, if she says something nice chances are you'll instantly start thinking "Wow, I have a chance"

I made the mistake of reconnecting with my ex whilst I still had strong feelings for her, it went badly. It never felt the same whilst talking to her, I had romanticized the past in my head and made her out to be something she couldn't possibly live up to, I spoke to her and because she wasn't this person I had envisioned in my head, I was crushed.

Never, EVER make contact whilst you still have feelings. It never ends well unless you're in a love movie.

Well, i have not spoken/seen the girl for weeks. It is not that i would take something personally. If I see it's not going to work, i'll move on, simple as that.
If I see she's in to some more dating again, i'll just take it not too serious and still see other woman. So it's not really the problem. I just want to know how she is doing, and what her feelings for me are, by seeing her once again.

thanks for the advices, but my initial questions aren't answered yet.

Now You should never, EVER write such stuff to a woman: It's a WUSS behavior! You're handing her all the power, You want her to decide. Women are NOT attracted to WUSSIES

Don't bring up old stuff. Think about it. She broke up with You and her last image of You is a guy she didn't like anymore. You don't want to come back to her life and show that You're still the same pitiful guy, right? She wants to see some change.

Don't bring out emotions either You want to show You moved on and Your life has changed and it's good. Don't think that women are attracted to guys who SHOW them that they're still in love with them after couple months/years. It happens only in movies.

Now I tell You a short story of mine which happened not so long ago (last week).
After not seeing my ex for like 3-4 months and not texting her for 2 I accidentally met her while walking down the street. So there I was standing, waiting to cross the street and she was on the other side. I saw her with the corner of my eye but I decided that I won't be the one who "sees" her first . So I pretended I didn't. While I was crossing the street she was staring straight at me with a big smile. Took me earphones out and approached her with big smile too .
So we talked about regular stuff, all done playfully on my part. I focused my look on one of her eyes and was doing every gesture quite slow so she wouldn't think I was nervous (and I was but only for first 2 mins). Instantly when we start talking she groomed her hair few times (IOI). Then when we were talking I mentioned that lots of things have changed since last time we spoke. She assumed that things couldn't change that much since we talked last 2 months ago (texts) but as I only said that more things changed than she can imagine to which she replied "what has changed?". So then I told her that I start seeing my old friends, I'm pretty busy 'cause I signed up for modern dancing class couple weeks back and also work's doing great 'cause my contract got extended for another half year. To sum up, that things are going well and I have a good life with women at work and she just couldn't NOT to comment that last part . She asked "Oh really? How?" (I guess that's another IOI ) and what I did? I only smiled and changed the subject .
3 times one of us would say "I gotta go now" and then we stood there anyways talking few more minutes. Finally when we were about to split I just said playfully "Text me sometimes " and she said "Why don't You text me? ". I lightly tackled her arm and we walked away smiling .
Obviously we were both relaxed, I hugged her before we started talking and after we finished so there would be no tension between us while we talked.
Few hours later I send her a text saying "I can't find those damn shoes anywhere! Next time You're coming with me." Now, part about shoes, just to explain. I was going that day to buy new shoes .
After 15 mins she texts me back saying "Maybe You're not looking hard enough? :p Anyway, what could I help with?". I DIDN'T text her back. After another 20-25 mins I got ANOTHER text from her saying "I don't really know much about men's shoes. Ask Your grandpa to help You ". That's another IOI I guess. She thinks about me. Otherwise, why would she bother sending me another text even though I didn't reply her on last one?

My point is. Show her that You're different. That You're better. Show her some change.
About asking her out. I'd suggest saying something like "I'm going with my friends to club on Friday. You should join us if You're up for some good fun!" and while in the club make her see how women are attracted to You. This will make her think "Why did I leave this guy? Women like him. Did I overlook something? Maybe there was no real reason to break up with him in the first place?"

I hope You get what I mean.

Good Luck and keep us posted

Thanks MAV

was exactly what i was looking for


Just for the date: i was more thinking about something to do with her alone? Go ice-skating? something active?

The situation is that it is hard for me to go out with my friends and her, because just after the breakup i was angry and told some bad stuff about her to some of my friends.
And btw, you are from poland i see. The girl is polish. She's very insecure, closed, and hard to express feelings.

I wouldn't suggest doing something with her alone. This could make You look needy and that's not a good thing. She might feel like she has power over You. And YOU gotta be a "boss". Be a MAN

I used to talk or moan about my ex to my friends too but now when they ask me about her I'd simply say stuff like "Oh, I'm over it. After I thought about it I don't think I can say bad word about her. I guess we just didn't match/get along together." People can be surprised how much You changed just by saying stuff like that. It makes You look like it really doesn't bother You anymore (and trust me, she wouldn't want to know You're still living the past).

About insecurity. Was she always like that? Even when You guys were together? My guess would be that You just need to hang out and make her feel comfortable around You .

Ice skating is good for kino but it might be too early for that. You need to work this step by step. Meeting with friends and her nearby is good. Like I explained earlier, she'll see women are attracted to You (hell, FLIRT WITH THEM, don't be afraid 'cause she's around). Neg her a bit even, when You're talking with other girls and she wants to cut in just say simply something like "Hey, I'm talking now" with a little smile on Your face. Be playful & don't constantly follow her with Your look. Even ignore her a bit. After such a show (she's being ignored, she sees that You're the man women want to talk to, she'll WANT TO TALK TO YOU, she'll WANT YOUR ATTENTION) you can text her, you'll see if her behavior has changed and then You can suggest some ice-skating or bowling (both nice and funny places).

Good Luck.

She was always insecure, from the first until the last moment. But she never SHOWS it.
Obviously, i know it, since i was with her.

Once i was just TALKING with a good looking girl, which was like hugging me a bit (really no feelings, just friends) and she said afterwards: "that girl X likes you, isn't it? girls can see that" just said "yeah, could be"

So i think she's quickly jealous, but isn't showing anything on the moment itself.

however, situation is obviously different now.

In the beginning she was ALL over me, but it disappeared at the end. So I don't know if i can "respark" her. Psychically she was very attracted to me, saying i'm such a good looking guy etc. but that was all in the beginning

It might be she doesn't care at all for me now, and is just using me to have a friend, to go out, etc. but really not feeling ANYTHING at all when i would be flirting with another girl. Maybe even she will search a boy to do the same and flirt with a dude..

If You were in her nerve system once It's possible You can "respark" it.

If she's jealous that's a good sign too. But don't show that You actually care if she's jealous or not.

The part where You say she's attracted to You physically (hell, I got the same with my ex, she can't look at me when I'm in underwear 'cause she's fighting with herself to not to touch me ) only proves my point. You need to change Your behavior. Just drop that WUSSY part of You.

Well, she WAS jealous.

I don't know if she would be now..

And you are right about my behavior, i'll try to act indifferent towards her, happy, having fun, etc.

Alright yo so treat her politely but completly neutral and show disinterest.
Respond very plainly, while being polite and basically show her that you have a interesting colourful life without her.
When you do talk, don't mention the past, don't show any IOIs to her, but subtly express how you've improved since then.
Work from there.

I'm wondering if i should send her a happy new year.

at this point i'm not considering doing it.

i know she won't do it either.