Initiate? I'm telling you to TOUCH HIS ARM, not jump on his lap and start dry-humping at the dinner table!

A lot of guys have real problems noticing signals that women assume are crystal clear. It sounds to me like he was "up for it" but then wasn't sure about whether to escalate. Maybe he though he'd take things real slow this time due to something about the past relationship, maybe he's just honestly not sure what to do. I'm telling you that the things I said will enable him to start to be more sexual without feeling like you're the one trying to force things forward (i.e. you feel slutty and/or he feels like a pussy).

Just plain calling him out on it by referring him to your friend will make him be very defensive and won't get anybody anywhere. Men don't like to be made to feel inferior or lacking in any competency, especially when it comes to sexually escalating with a woman.

Giving him some overt signals and shifting the conversational topic will allow him to be more comfortable seizing control of the situation and begin leading the situation the way he should. If he still doesn't, I think it's time to start looking somewhere else, unless you want to be really blatant and just ask for a tour of his apartment after dinner

[P.S. the past tense of "seek" is "sought" not "seeked"]

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Easy Easy. He is the type of guy that is going to be the most amazing first time sex youve ever had. See how he has you thinking about this subject NON STOP? On date five, hes going to spontaneously attack you and turn you the fuck on. You are going to get super wet because of the month long foreplay and you are going to have the best orgasm of your life. This guy is a player, you just dont know it

Kissing leads to sex

Maybe he fails to pull the trigger (go for the kiss). A lot of people are actually bad with going for the kiss...If i were you, i would ignore him for a while and play hard! cause he thinks that you're always available, just play harder and ignore him for a short time...make him come to you.

One of my mates went on a day 2 with a girl on the beach at night and he didn't touch her, hold her hand, kiss her or even hug her goodbye. I couldn't believe this. I gave him absolute shit about it. Then I taught him about kino.

I would have to question my sexuality if I didn't at least make out with a girl on a day 2. That's just me. Everyone is different.

Ha! I used to be that guy!

My problem was that I was always afraid of offending (essentially, being English). I needed clear, un-ambigous signs of interest (yes, plural: one might have been misinterpretation on my part).

New year's coming up though so standing under mistletoe, getting close as the clock strikes 12 and then leaning in for the kiss will really not leave him in any doubt.

My question for you is, is there anything that indicates to you there is a man of passion under the old fashion gentlemanly exterior and anything that indicates he has the HOTS for you? Or does he just seem like he is sexually inert and his mind and body just don't work that way?

There is a big difference between the two.



I have some potential good news and I have some potential bad news.

The bad news is he may have some real bad social and religious programing that has basically taken his balls and hung them up on the shelf. Some guys have had beat into them that sex is something dirty and evil and that no nice girl should ever be subjected to it. If he has this kind of programming this may be how it is going to be. He may never become a very sexual or assertive person and he may always be pretty inhibited and with a bunch of hangups. The fact that he refers to himself as 'old fashioned' makes me concerned about that.

The potential good news is sometimes guys think they have found 'the one' and they don't want to screw it up by moving too fast or coming on too strong. They are wanting to build up a rapport and seeing if there is any long term relationship potential before taking things to a serious sexual level.

When I was in my upper 20s I dated a gal for 3 months before we did the deed. HOWEVER I had a real hard time keeping my hands off of her and we had some smokn hot make out sessions and there were a number of times I took care of her with my hands or mouth and and she took care of me by mouth or between her boobs so it's not like we were living in complete abstinence during that time.


The telltale difference between the two is how sexually charged and interested does he seem????? Does he seem to be trying to keep his passion under control below the surface or does he seem to just have NO passion?


My concern is this guy just seems like a stiff or at the very least his sexual thermostat is set VERY low.

You have to ask yourself if you are willing to deal with a stiff or with someone who just isn't that sexual of a person.

Ask him. Not in a needy way of course, but in a just wondering way.

I fucking love this guy

I have a friend like this; he basically spoke to a girl on facebook that he sees about in real life but woouldnt speak to her when he saw her until 'it felt right' then when she finally came up and started speaking to him, he just had normal friendly chat.

after he left he blamed her not being handsy and shit on me because i said "oh you dont want to know this guy, youre a nice girl " instead of the fact he told me he was going to take her to dinner and shit before even kissing her, he even planned out about 5 consecutive dates and all that.

What im saying is, yeah sometimes you have to lead the guy, whether its out of inexperience or just the fact he thinks if he likes you a lot he has to 'court' you or whatever.

p.s. my friend didnt do it out of experience he just always has stupid rules about that kinda stuff, so you might have to escalate.

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thanks for the feedback guys, i will give an update soon

@blondguy- thx for the correction, i am not a native speaker!

@all- ok, case solved *drumwhirls* the same thing happened again..being impatient i decided to ask in a playfull manner..turns out that he simply is shy as batshit. all is normal now. i couldnt believe that a handsome guy could get that shy, so i definitely learned a lesson.

thx to all that contributed!