I've been going out with my gf for over a year now .
I used to be good at pick up , but over the past year since I've met her I haven't touched it .
Towards the last bit I've been total AFC , Needy , Bossy self , Centred , Rude .
Before I left things seamed to be improving but I never really dealt with the Reasons why I called her names or was rude or needy . She had been coming over every other night before I left , But the tension was thick some of her friends didn't like me.
And I don't blame them .
She drove me to the airport to fly home , kissed me and said bye . .
But the 2nd day I was home she gave me the " I need time to figure myself out , She said she's not going to see anyone . She just is confused and feels no Emotions anymore and needs time to figure herself out "

Since then I've worked on my inner game and have gotten back to a level I'm happy with myself , I'm not that AFC that I was 2 weeks ago .
Since I've been home for christmas. She still Gives me updates threw the day what she's up to . I've told her I'm not needy or greedy anymore I don't need to know every little thing your doing and she laughed .
She still chats before bed with me .
But she doesn't say the usual " I miss you , love you , ex cetera "
She says she just has no emotions and feels empty .
She keeps saying " How could you ever say those mean things to someone you love " But the " I feel no Emotions right now " Concerns me .
She's going to be picking me up from the airport when I arrive back on the 27 dec since she drove me there .

Do I freeze her out and hope she misses me enough to spark something up again and slowly build the trust ?
Or Build my value up again in her eyes by having that spark , the independent ,non needy guy , who she would love to be around .

I'm not 100% sure what todo about this ?

I know some are going to say Oneitis , I see her as a good mother , hard worker , loving person . Everything I'm looking for in a wife except the low self esteem.
Kinda bugs me at time .
Which I think I might have contributed to .

Thanks , Simi

Hi dude.

Look, this is quite heavy, especially for you. what you should do is depends on what you want. Do you want to be with her again? Think about it, think really good about it.

If the answer is yes, then there is no room for 'playing games' by trying to freeze her out or act all cool and 'not needy'. You look her in the eyes and you tell her you missed being with her and that you know it is what you really want. There is still a chance that she doesnt want that, or not immediately anyway, so be prepared for it.

If the answer is no, then i suggest you tell her as well and then leave her alone and be on your way.

You can work on the low self esteem btw, but it does take lots of patience from your side.

I wish you luck.

ciao!

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

You need to change a whole shytload of things man.
Desperation is the most unattractive trait a man can display, yet you wreak of it. It's good that you're working on your inner game, but two weeks isn't enough. You need to spend like the next year solidifying your frame. Just because you tell your girlfriend you're not needy anymore doesn't make it true. You are simply convincing yourself that your not needy anymore. Nothing has changed, you are disillusioned by your Oneitis.
Pick up is not about memorizing a bunch of techniques to get laid more efficiently. It is the internalization of a mode of thought based on freedom, masculinity, and self-development. The guys on this forum who come here, learn how to act Alpha, get a girl, and then leave, are the ones who will die a painful death. When you are in a relationship, you are not exempt from having game. You have learned a few things about pick-up, but none of it is ingrained into your mentality.

NEVER EVER think you have game because you have a girlfriend or got laid. Self-master > Girl-mastery. It is never you versus her or you versus another guy to get her, it is always You versus You. If you delude yourself into thinking everything's gonna be ok, you will be pervasively consumed by an avalanche of insecurities in your relationship.
If you call her names you need to learn to better control your emotions. Letting your emotions over-ride you simply shows a girl that she can break you. It is the hall-mark of womanhood to be ruled by emotions. It is the hall-mark of PUA to rule your emotions. You are being needy because of your insecurities. They manifest themselves as needs for attention, qualification, and affirmation of love. I'm guessing you would also have jealousy issues.
Why is this important for you to know? That she's not going to see anyone? You are simply searching for security again. You are letting your phobias run rampant over your mind.
Actually, this doesn't matter at all. A woman will always have a plethora of friends who tell her "he was a jerk anyways."
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she is still in doubt. There are two things that can happen from here. If you call her every night, beg for her back, and act desperate, you only re-affirm her decision. It lowers her attraction and allows her to rationalize the break-up. IF HOWEVER, you give her SPACE, then you give her time to miss you. Her anxiety builds up and she'll begin to doubt the break even more. Three things that help here are hints that you might have changed, jealousy (she needs to see that you have high value and other women want you), and whether or not you've moved on. If she thinks you've moved on, it'll foster more anxiety in her. Women hate men who move on from them quickly, they want you to be eternally broken and lamenting your loss. This is where you say "No, why must I chase woman when I have a world to conquer?"

Ultimately, this means you must get over your girlfriend. This is a win-win scenario for you. Either
(a) She misses you and wants you back
(b) She doesn't want you back, but you've gotten over her so it doesn't matter

You need to EXTERMINATE your Oneitis. I recommenced sleeping with women hotter than your girlfriend or some type of traumatic mental therapy.

Focus ONLY ON INTEREST LEVEL. Nothing else matters. The specifics of your relationship is simply a mask for her decreased attraction level for you. Next time your thinking "should i write a poem for her telling her how much I miss her?" ask yourself if that poem would increase her interest. If not, then use the poem to wipe your a55 instead and choose a better course of action like going to the gym, flirting with hotter girls, or other-wise working on yourself in some way.

And Finally, something on your post really bothered me:
Yes, you probably effected her self-esteem in a negative way. More importantly, you know you have Oneitis, but you are going to ignore it? Oneitis is not just a cliche term that people use for fun. It's also not a myth, there aren't guys walking around in the world who have actually found their soul mates. It describes a relationship based on a parasitic psychological dependency. It is EXTREMELY unhealthy, and inevitably self-destructive. Not just this, but it also fosters instability, jealousy, paranoia, and general wackiness.

Being a jerk is good i e; negging, being overly sexual etc. But lowering your girlfriend's self-esteem to the point of non-existence is not. Unforgivably, I think the innumerable Jerk and Alpha Male manifestos out there have propagated this type of behavior because guys think "negging" means "make a girl feel like shyt" or "Jerk" means "do not respect women at all." The difference is that your being a jerk as a result of your insecurities, the jerkish behavior that a PUA exhibits is due to his extreme confidence and wittiness.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Ok, first: i think you gave great advice.

But, i have a but here: You are right, he needs to get over his oneites, but, if he wishes to be with tihs girl, there is one thing he shouldnt do right now: playing games. Yeah, agreed, it might work, but playing games rarely have the exact effect that you saw in your mind when you started it.

If he really wants to be with this girl, he should tell her. Not beg, not writing poems, not anything to prove how much he loves her, just the plain statement of his honest feelings: i missed you if he did so. But the core will be: i want to be with you. Just that. Then its up to her what she does with that.

She rejects, leave her be. Get over the oneites and move on. If she was playing tricks on you, the joke is on her.

Playing games at moments where things really matter is like gambling with your life savings. The odds are always against the player. What i can make up from the story is that this might be such a situation where it really matters. It depends on Simi123, what he really wants.

ciao

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

I don't see it as playing games. Push / pull, flirting with other girls to build attraction, and negging can all be viewed as "playing games." Similarly, one can view "being honest" as giving in to your emotions and not thinking rationally about a situation.

You can view it as "playing games," using psychology to your advantage, or anyway you want it. But social dynamics will ALWAYS be governed by the same laws / rules / concepts and it's up to you whether or not you want to play by them. Ignoring them will not change them, the will exist no matter what.

I've been through break-ups before where I chose to be "honest" and it simply got me dumped even harder. Some people view this as "Doing the righteous thing and being honest." Other people view this as "not thinking straight, giving into your ONEitis, classic AFC behavior." In the end, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that giving off a vibe of desperation or neediness decreases a girl's interest level.

On the other hand, I've been through break-ups where I withdrew all attention and started talking to other girls. In each of these cases, the women who broke up with me came back begging for me to take them back. Some people call this "Playing games" and "manipulating the psychology of women." Other people call this "Being Alpha and moving on" or "Knowing how women work." In the end, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that women WANT men who are wanted, and it increases their interest level to know that you are a good catch in a competitive social market.

Robert Greene said it best: You are thrown into a world of Power and Games. You will play them no matter, you might as well be good at them.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

im gonna have to agree more with Hakuna here..

Yes it can work telling a girl how you feel after you've been with her awhile and you're in a rough patch.

But that moreso only ever helps when you've fukt up and shes confident in herself.
and when you say it it does have to be: "look... i love you I want to be with you and I want to make this better. It's gonna take some time but we can do it, I know we can." not much deeper than that. none of the "ive changed" BS... that shit NEVER helps....

but overall I agree with Hakuna.... if you're still officially bf and gf you need to solidify it one way or another.... but seeing other girls is very good advice.. because it will solve more of your problems than just this one girl. that is fact...

I might suggest you even giving her the "i need some space" routine.... and then stop talking to her. let her initiate EVERY time... then after a week or two... give her the "if this is gonna work we both need to be better "

also about the friends, girls say things to their friends when they are pissed at you which gives them a skewed perspective which never gets corrected. dont worry about that
but honestly it sounds like this relationship has exhausted itself.


oh yea and if you decide to give her the "i need space routine" which i HIGHLY recommend you do.

tell her shes amazing, and shes gorgeous and she will be fine. Tell her that you just need some time on your own and you can talk with her again in a few weeks.
Tell her it'll be good for her to.. maybe she will realize shes happier apart for a bit. TELL her that.... and be serious. so she believes you.. because you should do this....and believe its better for yourself... and those weeks apart... date. go out.. meet new people , get numbers get your self security back and if she does come back to you.... then you will be getting better internally already.

Thanks you guys , Good advice all around on this tough situation .

In the overall, i can see what you are going at. And yes, you are right. Still, 'using psychology' and 'knowing the mind of a woman' that is all good in theory. No matter how good the manipulator you are, you never have full control over the mind of somebody else. Manipulation comes down to try and push somebody into a direction. In directions, you only got north, south, west and east, sort of speech.Sometimes you will get exactly the effect you want, sometimes you wont. I do know that i picture this a bit more negative then it is, i am aware of it, see it as a personal touch because i dont like playing games all that much.

I like the Greene quote, but its not correct. You always have a choice. Some years ago, i choose not to play games and slap honesty right in peoples face. To me, it was a life changing experience. I learned a lot of it. You say you got dumped even harder? She can be honest back to you, and yes honesty hurts. You need to be able to cope with it. I am a solid believer in the fact that if you cant cope with people being honest back at you, your own confidence isnt as sollid as you think it is. But in the end, like you say, and i do appreciate that, its all how you look at it. Clearly we have a different point of view. which is good .

What is being good at playing games mean for you? To me it means: Be ready to lose what you are gaming for. Its only then that you can 'play games' at your best.

ciao!

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

uhm no you dont...

you never have a choice.... everyone plays games.. from random girls, coworkers, gf's, wives, relatives your dog etc... ev1 plays games..

and when peopl esay they are sick of the games and dont want to play them the most def still play them.. its like... life IS a big game..

go read the book called "games people play"

life is a series of games... and you can't choose to not play... you just cant.. u have to.....you can choose to be good at them or terrible though... in your mind "im not playing the games people are trying to get me to play"... but then you wont get the things you want most likely...

its like be dropped into the hockey rink and just standing there rather than playing.. you're gonna get ur ass kicked all the time... might as wellbe good at it since you have to play anyway.....


back to your initial problem.... tell her YOU want space and a few weeks apart.. tell her if she still thnks you guys have a chance in two weeks to call you.... and then stop talking to her and let her miss and come back to you....

i still think thats your best bet.

Come on man, you have to be kidding me if you really cant see a bit further then that. Hakuna gets it, your vision however seems to be a bit clouded still.

Seriously, i have the feeling you dont really know what you are talking about. So you read one book about human interactions and there is no other truth. I am glad you did not read the bible first, or it was all Gods doing then.

Dont advise me to do things you hardly understand yourself. Why should i read a book about playing games when i am successful without them? Perhaps before you advise again, try to see the bigger concept. You read a book, and it made sense to you. the material is unquestioned and you fail to have a critical view on it.

When i am being dropped in a hockey ring, and i dont want to play, i shove the hockey stick up your ass and leave the ring. Please, dont give me bullshit answers that make absolutely no sense at all.

I do not intend to flame you, although i am a bit pissed off. Instead of reading books, perhaps go outdoors and do some stuff. Then come back and talk about experiences.

ciao

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

perhaps you misunderstood what I said.. or I you but

uhm.... yes you do play games with everyone in life always..

in referring to my post, shoving a hockey stick up an ass and then leaving the rink is killing yourself.... go for it. (in referring to my post and my comparison)

otherwise you have to play.. and you are playing every single day whether you see it or not.

as for the other personal attacks i dont see the point... you dont know anything about my life, experience or education and i know what im talking about when i talk about it or i wouldn't.

however i possibly misunderstood what you said but I dont really care that much to re-analyze it.

no point in flaming. you donno my life and i donno yours, this is a forum online.
who gives a shit?

im just killing time here til 5 so i can leave work..

but i still only post if i know what im talking about... i dont care if you believe that. do what you want man .. who cares.. chill out.

Now this actually makes great sense, as you are right. This is an online forum, and it doenst really matter what 'so called facts' are posted.

I did not intend to attack you personally. If it happened to be that you interpreted as such, really, i am sorry, i didnt intend so. as you say, there is no point in that. at the topic, we are clearly not going to get along.

the chill out, that is definitely advice i am going to follow.

ciao

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you