This ones a tough one and I need expert advice.

I met Tonya 2 in a half months ago. We lived in different cities and went on our last date 2 weeks ago. Her parents are super religious which really through me off and made me act nicer then usual. We got along fantastic on our dates and kept in constant contact through email,SPAM, phonecalls etc. To make a long story short.. As I fell for her I abandoned all I knew and became more and more mushy which cultivated in our last date....

It was her birthday so we both drove halfway to meet each other... We made out had fun, and went back to her hotel were I had wine set up. Half way through the heat she stops me and tells me she just can't do this and doesn't think she likes me. Tonya says she really liked me but I overdid it with being "nice" and acted like I was trying to buy her attention. I was clingy and acted desperate, and honestly didn't notice till now. Tonya said the most disappointing thing was that her parents that I was her dream guy and were the ones who encouraged her to visit me(She came from an abusive relationship). She said she was trying to force herself to feel attracted to me as she did originally.

To be short she's a great girl I and turned into a wuss. I got a text from Tonya thanking me for the birthday surprise and saying that she knew I would make some girl lucky some day. I know it's a long shot due to the distance but I want to make an attempt to win her back. My first action was not responding and defriending her on facebook. Tonya is desperate to find someone and can be jealous, I'm thinking my second action is to start seeing someone else and change my profile pic to me and another girl. If/when she does see us together knowing her she'll probably call. I know it's a tough situation but I know what I want and where I messed up. She really tried to regain that attraction (always laughing at my jokes, grabbing my hand, kissing me) and I've dated enough girls to know that shes what i want. The distance makes this difficult. My mistake was the wussiness and not agreeing telling her we should be friends. How can I attempt to right my wrongs? It's a long shot but gotta give it a try.

Like you say, it's a long shot... Why bother? It's going to be really hard to do, once a girl has lost all her attraction for you it's really fucking hard to get it back. Deleting her from Facebook was the worst move ever, she's gonna know it's hurt you, and that makes you now look even more like a clingy nice guy, like you were trying to buy her attention, and that you're now sulking because you didn't get what you wanted. I've done the same before, and it sucks, but you should just move on mate

Don't try, be thankful that she was honest with you and learn not to turn into a wussbag anymore, it is something you have to constantly remind yourself of when in a relationship with a girl but I think after practicing being a dick for a while it comes as second nature

I get good results with women and one of my top rules is that if I find myself getting to mushy towards a girl I will either be a complete dick to her the next time I see her and see how she responds or I will erase her number (a bit extreame I know but every girls number I erase I learn something (and believe me this is hard as shit to do sometimes), because I think to myself wow I just went and got this girls number have spent time developing a relationship with her and now I have to erase her number because I'm turning into to much of a wussbag around her, what a waste of fucking time and each time I do this to myself it hurts and slowly but surely I am weeding out these wuss behaviors by essentially injecting myself with pain by erasing their numbers.

But on nights I erase a girls number that I wanted to hang out with so bad that I would have turned into a wussbag around them I usually call a girl who I know is more into me than I am to her and wind up either having sex or making out with them, so it can sometimes become a more productive night even if I'm not hanging out with the exact girl I want it is still fun

I don't know if this is a good solution or not but it is definatly making my game better. Because its kind of making me realize don't get too attached to one girl or you will waste tons of time and get absolutly no where, whereas if you can hangout with girls and not be to attached to them you can get layed a lot more, its almost like you have to develope a cold hearted bastard side of yourself to have good success, but as you practice it you get more and more comfortable with it (again I dont know if this is a healthy way to solve the problem, but it is definatly a way to solve the problem.)

This is a common occurrence, a regression into AFC mode after the initial attraction phase is over. It happens because you haven't internalized the stuff you've learned yet. Acting confident and using PUA techniques to arouse attraction is one thing, having a PUA mentality ingrained into your game is something completely different

It seems to me like you somewhat have the first part down, you know how to build attraction and sexual tension. Work on inner game now.

As for this specific situation, I don't think you should defriend her on face book. You have to withdraw attention and TAKE HER OFF THE PEDESTAL she is currently on. If you defriend her and go out of your way to make her jealous, you're only reinforcing the idea that she's on a pedestal. You're giving her too much importance. When guys do things like burn their ex-girlfriend's photos or go out of their way to shun a girl who has rejected them, their actions end up having an even GREATER symbolic importance.

My advice to you is, cut your losses and move on. This accomplishes two things and up creating a win-win situation for you...
(a) She ends up missing you and seeing that you are with another girl. Her interest level increases because you are WANTED in the social market. You get another shot at her, this time don't be a wuss bag.
(b) She doesn't contact you again, BUT, you've moved on so it doesn't matter anyways. The best way to get over someone old is to get under someone new.

On another note, admire beauty, but never worship it. Just because she is the cutest girl you've ever met doesn't mean anything. Beautiful people are simply lucky. Beautiful women have been treated with too much attention since they were born so they're on the apex of a pyramid by the time they can walk. If you treat them like their on a pedestal, you fall into the same category as the thousands of chumps she has LJBF'd throughout her life.

that sounds intense, but I have a ridiculous amount of respect for you dude, that's dedication right there. Self mastery > Girl Mastery

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One of the best posts I have read in a very long time. Original poser, please pay attention to this.

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I don't agree with the above post at all.

So, you start feeling a bit "mushy," i.e. having strong feelings for a girl, and you take it out on her by being rude to her? WHY? What's she done to deserve that? That doesn't sound like emotional control to me at all. It sounds like lashing out at something you can't control. It's like in the playground when you were 7 and the girl would come up to you and kick you because she liked you but had no idea how to express it. Similarly, deleting the number is just acting like you can't face your emotions and deal with them comfortably, so you just cut contact and run away rather than risk falling for her and being rejected. In conclusion, both actions are those of someone who is AFRAID of their emotions and can't handle them in a mature way.

If I feel really strongly for a girl, I just make sure I stick to the gameplan. I won't call or text her any more frequently than I normally would, I don't try and make big plans, and I don't put any pressure on her or start expecting her to fall head over heels in love with me. But, I don't hide that I'm happy to see her, or make sure I purposely don't say I think she looks great. Women still like compliments and want to know they're wanted by you. As long as you do it because you want to, not because you're trying to get them to like you. As long as you don't start acting too needy, there's nothing wrong with really liking a girl. Just don't put yourself on the line too early, go in with no expectations, have fun, and if she ends up feeling the same way, then great. If not, there are plenty more out there who will

As for the original post, this may help you:
are-you-in-the-friendzone-vt80247.html

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