| This is more from the Paul Janka's book "Attraction Formula". This is some of the best inner game material I've ever read. I tried editing to make it as short as possible.. but there is so much good material it ended up being pretty long anyway. Enjoy:
"The emasculation of the American male is at an all-time high. Whatever the causes may be – women’s lib, decreasing relative earning power of the American male, a litigious society, a general political correctness that makes everyone suspect – it’s a fact that men are hesitant like never before to exercise their natural dominance when it comes to women. This is pathetic.
• The degree to which a man is devastated when a relationship ends is
equal to the degree to which he has compromised his terms.
Again, this is all about discipline. Women have an insane ability to test their men in every way. The testing begins on first contact when you’re getting her telephone number. It will continue indefinitely, but you can curtail it by demonstrating early on that she can’t affect you. In a way, it’s a form of stoicism. More simply, it’s a
discipline that you need to exercise in the relationship, especially at key moments when she’s really intent on getting you to do something that you’d rather not do. That’s the key – the discipline allows you to maintain your independence, which, paradoxically, is what attracted her to you in the beginning. Maintain that masculine integrity and direction and she’ll admire you, fuck you and cease to test you at every juncture. She will trust you.
If you learn nothing else from this book, absorb this message. Men around the world are suffering because they don’t know or understand this. Women will test your boundaries in many ways you don’t even know. The more you give up against your better judgment the more hurt you’ll experience when you split. A very simple example is the guy who chases the hottie around town wining and dining her, buying trinkets, extending himself beyond his better judgment, all in an effort to please the insatiable appetite of his woman. As she loses respect for him because he’s violating any sense of self-respect or personal/financial boundaries, she’ll have her eye out for the next Joe. She’ll jump from one sucker to the next and our poor sap will be alone and on the hook for who-knows-what. He’ll have “lost” (though he never had control of the situation, because he was out of control) the girl and he’ll be full of anger and regret.
The problem with bending terms to please a girl is that both parties lose respect – the man for himself and the woman for the man. She senses, even if it’s subconsciously, that she can bend her man. Once she knows this, it’s over. She can’t fully surrender to his love, because she doesn’t trust him. His strength and integrity is questionable. The man, for his part, is devastated with the outlays he made, whether they’re outlays of time, money, affection, vulnerability, or reputation. If he gave too much and the relationship ends (which it will) he will feel fully bankrupt because he’ll feel as though he gave everything and it was all for naught. He lost. He’s empty, done. Finished.
Living by uncompromising terms will empower you, I guarantee it. When I know what I want and what I will accept, it’s much easier to navigate the dating landscape. I can approach a woman with confidence, knowing that I’ll test her willingness and I will learn if she’s interested without giving up much on my end. The profound truth of this tenet can be seen in two ways – the despair of a man after his woman leaves (he didn’t honor his terms) or my contentment, for example, when a really good-looking woman refuses to come into my apartment. She’s beautiful and she turns and walks, never to be seen again. Believe me, I would love a shot, but I have too much experience to imagine it will get better if I comply to her demands. I know her type.
That’s another key point. No matter how hot you think some girl is, you’re better off just doing your routine and inviting her along for the ride. That is the true test of keeping your terms. Live your life as you wish and see if she sticks around. If she doesn’t, you will NEVER have a satisfying, functional relationship with that girl.
A man should do what he pleases – he should lead the night as he would if he were alone or with a friend or lover; in other words, along his vision – and see how she responds. The more you honor yourself, the less you’ll care if she leaves. Don’t spend more money than you want to, don’t forfeit opportunities you seek, don’t shirk responsibilities or short-change friends for your girl. Your relationship will last longer this way and if she does choose to leave (or you choose to leave her) you’ll be fully intact emotionally, financially, personally and spiritually. --Paul Janka
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Women are smarter than you think... but not as smart as THEY think
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CHAT
