I was having lunch with my girls today, and like always, the subject came around to guys. My friend started us off: “Oh my God, so yesterday I was talking with Bob, and he mentioned how hard it is for him to trust people! He told me that, like, he can’t even trust his parents most of the time, and that almost every person he knows has ended up disappointing him in some way… even the guys he considers his best friends!” At this point we all “AWW” and she continues, “I know right! Anyway, I couldn’t believe it! God, I felt so… you know…” She didn’t need to say it; we all knew the feeling.

I’m here to make sure that you guys know it too. Right now you don’t; and how could you? You’re men… when we become vulnerable and open with you, it scares you… it makes you feel awkward; you don’t know what to do, what to say… I get that. The thing is, when a woman is confronted with a man’s vulnerabilities, she’s in her element; something takes over her, and she inevitably develops this special bond with the guy. I’m telling you this because I feel like vulnerability is not being stressed enough on this site, and what’s more, I feel like it’s being avoided. “But Roz… we’re alpha men! We’re strong, unfazed, unimpressed!” Right- but it’s okay to let down that facade once in a while; in fact, I strongly encourage you to.

That “feeling” I was taking about earlier- that feeling is one of the hardest to put into words. I’m going to try though- because I think it’s crucial that you get it. Here’s one “moment of vulnerability” if you will, that sticks out to me the most:

So I’m lying down on the bed with my boyfriend at the time, and we’re talking. I ask him to tell me more about his family- a subject he had always seemed to want to avoid. “We’re just not that close anymore” he says. I ask him why. He starts out vague, but then gives in- he tells me about his mother’s struggle with cancer. He tells me how his father took up drinking after her death. He tells me how he’s practically had to raise his little brother himself, and how worried he still gets for him.

His head is resting on my chest as he’s telling me all of this, and his words seem to be vibrating through me. I look down at him. He smells like Marlboro Reds and cologne. I’m holding him- this man that my girls say is nothing but a player, that my mother warned me not to get involved with, that I am constantly being told is “bad” for me, that up until now seemed so carefree, so intimidating and undaunted- and I want to cry, because what he’s saying really is breaking my heart, but in the most beautiful way. And for a brief second, I can actually feel him become vulnerable and fragile in my arms, like a little boy; and it’s not making me feel depressed or sad- rather, it’s eating away at me, and all I could think in that moment is “I want to make it better; let me make it better”. I felt this urge to tell him I loved him, and that he can trust me, that I’ll never hurt him, and that I’d take away all his pain and worries if I could. But it seemed pathetic to say so, and so I said nothing. I just listened.

I don’t know what other words to use to express to you how close I felt to him. I really hope you get it. Some of you work so hard to create this “alpha” image, and so you may be thinking “I don’t want her to think of me as a little boy, wtf!?” and if you are, you’ve truly misunderstood my point here- I’ve never seen this guy as anything less than a man. He was and remained “manly” and “alpha” in my eyes even after that conversation ended. What it did though was it made him “real”, and I needed that. We women like to nurture; we need something to feed on once in a while. Give us that, and we’ll inevitably form a sense of attachment to you.


-Roz

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NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

I dont care what anybody on this site says, that was the cutest story i have ever heard and i almost cried. #imjustsayin
(im a sucker for love stories)

Good post by the way

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Back then they didnt want me, now im hot they're all on me

Its beautiful I personally like stories where people open up(it validates how strong they are to do so) but I dont want my mates thinking Im a AFC, I do have an image of a bad ass who doesnt care what people think(which is true) thats because stories like yours & your bf has made me stronger to avoid any soft feelings I have towards others, and yet if I hear stories like this deep down inside the little boy inside of me just wants to cry, but I believe I still have to be strong no matter what situation may come or take place which is why I keep it inside and not cry.

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Three Types of Players:
1) Those who doesn't know whats happening
2) Those who watch what happens
3) Those who make it happen

Surely, many women feel this way and often, it's what keeps them hanging around losers who need A LOT of NURTURING. A breast hug and a blowjob fixes a lot of things but hardly ever addresses issues that can really only be addressed by the person who own them.

I would be lying if I said that I never took advantage of a woman's tendency to play Oprah but too much of this crap will repel healthy, successful, self thinkers who expect the same from their mates.

By the way, ^this routine is GOLD for LMR during freeze-outs with Oprah wannabe's.

I'm not promoting vulnerability in high doses! Like I said, "it’s okay to let down that facade once in a while". But yes, these "moments of vulnerability" should be rare, I agree 100%.
Definitely!
That's fine, but I'm not saying be vulnerable with your mates; and the biggest point I was trying to get across here is that vulnerability =/= AFC.



-Roz

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NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

No need to qualify Roz. Your post is clear and if they don't agree well they should re-read your post .

For those who still don't get it: ofcourse she doesn't promote this to do it always. She doesn't talk about afcness. The girl should be someone who you're already dating, you have to be a very confident and secure guy, and it should be done at an intimate/romantic moment at the right time, and even then it should be rare, and you have to let the girl explicitly ask for you and start out vague and then open up (like she said), in order to maximise its effect. Girls like to dig in you. Apart of "weakness", you also show a lot of strengh: you were very energetic, secure and confident even tough you had all those problems carrying around with you.

So for guys who want a serious relationship doing this is great. But it shouldn't be the reason why you should do this. For me, I like these moments for the same reason as Roz: they create a great feeling of connection and intimacy, where the surrounding world starts to dissapear. I have great memories about such moments. I liked reading this because it made me re-experience those feelings you have at that momeny slightly.

It also works the other way round btw. For me, I like girls when they were first a it shy or aloof, and when they then open up. I don't care about girls with whom I have a superficial make out at the bar or who I met at a party. The girl I realy like is the girl with whom I have a kind of emotional connection with.

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You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

Mm. It's the context. If you're a strong, loving, protecting, alpha male, and then at a rare moment, you expose your vulnerabilities - that's being vulnerable within the frame work of being alpha.

AFC is the opposite; being vulnerable all the time, and then having moments of masculinity.

Sort of related but not really:

Not sure why so many people get off on reliving AND SHARING past negative experiences. What's the deal with all the memorials and holidays that attempt to perpetuate suffering? THINK! THINK! Think about the suffering and pain! Cry! What? You have no emotions! Don't you have any feelings? Think about all that suffering! - Whoo hoo!~~ We did it! We're now thoughtful people . . . Joy~~~

Then there's all the crazy ass justifications such as:

"If you don't remember the past, we're doomed to repeat it." - Really? I really need to think about your negative crap so that I don't go out and burn and kill our children?

An emotional bond (I would argue a stronger, healthier, and more progressive) can be made through sharing of intimate, positive experiences. The only thing is . . . some people don't want to hear it because their hardwired brains feed on negativity. Before you tell yourself, "Whatever floats my boat," consider asking yourself, "Why does my boat float this way?"

Okay first off, Roz, you gotta be posting more. I sincerely encourage you to post more so we get to know the female perspective even better (selfish, I know).

Secondly, I believe Roz is talking of occasional vulnerability. Remember, when you're an alpha male who'll usually come off as someone very strong on the inside (because you ARE strong on the inside), your going soft will something prized by your woman. So when you do do it rarely, you'll just be making her familiar with your softer side. And you don't really have to whine.. just letting her know of something that's not so good in your life, but yet you're living comfortably, unaffected by the pain it could cause, is a sign of strength not weakness.

Of course doing this too much or too soon in a relationship would be pretty lame.

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Women are plenty, time is not.

Agree 100%!

wow great post.

my question bak is when should you start showing pieces of your vulnerable side to a girl?

seeing as though this site is mainly focused on meeting girls. say u meet a girl at a club, head out agen few times. get lunch chill etc. should u wait a certain time u think maybe 1 month 2 months, a relationship maybe? before u start showing glimpses of your vulnerable side.

or should u mainly focus on having fun, and enjoying each others company?

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Only some, ever know the secret

Lol.
This is bad information to put on a PUA forum for this reason.

Definitely don't go around "showing your vulnerable side" after you get a lunch and chill lol.. This advice is exclusively aimed at people that are in committed relationships.

Well... Yeah. This wouldn't really go down very well with a pick up artist.

It would work for a man in a serious, committed LTR.

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Women are plenty, time is not.

I believe it validates how strong they are emotionally and spiritually, it takes inner strength to share these kinds of moments together . The feeling is like when your hanging off a cliff about to fall with your eyes closed and all of a sudden some one grabs your arm and pull you up (this feeling right here is priceless)

I do also believe if you have a negative mind it will backfire by bringing more bad and painfull memories, hence the reason I mentioned inner strenght.
I believe this would help a PUA, this can definitly DHV alot and give high status. By doing so you wont be a labeled as a player but someone who is good with women.

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Three Types of Players:
1) Those who doesn't know whats happening
2) Those who watch what happens
3) Those who make it happen

Something that can said for this is if your are going down the route of LTR or whatever you should still keep these emotional confessions to a minimum, the rarity of these bonding periods are far more intense and lasting than repeatedly opening up.

Problem with this is it is mainly post coital that these 'chats' happen or within a relationship setting, which is the norm so dont really apply to any form of pickup, since the participants are past that phase.

I actually feel a little uncomfortable talking about this from a personal PoV if it's being suggested as a course of action to be introduced to your pickup style or whatever since it trods very close the border of what is acceptable to do in order to seduce a women. Using it as a routine to emotionally blackmail a women into using any and all her faculties to comfort you does not sit well with my moral compass sorry guys.

Finally Im surprised to see something I dont agree with Kasabi on!

Regarding negative repressed or more specifically/likely - suppressed memories! Avoiding dealing with or coming to terms with negative memories is very unhealthy, putting them out of your concious mind is a plaster on a cut that needs stiches.

Since you have no control over the effects occurring subconsciously, these memories invariably and subtly seep into all actions and concious thoughts you have in everyday life until they are resolved.

Depending on the intensity of the suppressed memory your subconscious can admittedly also assist in repairing your emotional balance connected to that point in your life bit it is rather glacial and in extreme cases has little impact. In the end in order to come to terms with these negative memories (and by negative I should imply that left unresolved or bringing them up has effect on the way you go through life) you need to process them in some way, what is suggested in this thread is one of many ways of 'healing', once thats accomplished the negative connotation can be removed!

Basically you can put off paying a bill but at some point your gonna have to pay it and until you do you will have that problem hanging over you like a dark cloud in every aspect of your life.