So got into a fight with my girlfriend last weekend. (Full info here: girl-being-childish-vt79453.html )

Now, so far the entire relationship she's seemed just a bit on the needy side... aside from just wanting to talk every day for hours. For instance after one fight I didn't call her because I was cooling down, and she called me that night and was upset that I hadn't called her sooner because she was worried I might just abandon her after a fight.

So here we are having a major fight. She broke up with me even... but part of the reason she broke up with me is that she's decided I must not really care since I didn't answer the phone when I was mad at her, and she's especially upset that I put a condition on offering her help the next day.

So... a little while ago a quote from Fallout 3 struck me. Something like "When people look to you, you have to be calm." That made me think of how I could have maintained a better frame and defused the entire situation at the start... bleh. I kind of want to send that quote to her, with a line about how I can get better at controlling my emotions and stating that I can't believe she doesn't think I care...

Except that with most girls emailing would make me seem needy, so I know I shouldn't.

But since she does seem to be a little needy I'm trying to decide if any contact is a bad idea or not at this point? Showing I care and am thinking about her, vs. making her wait and reinforcing her thoughts that I don't care.

Not entirely sure I can take her back myself... but would like to have the choice, obviously. Ah, who am I kidding... I know I want her back...

http://www.timenets.com

well, i've just read 'the full info story' plus the other posts you did about this whole situation, and i've reluctantly come to the conclusion that this girl is totally cuckoo, its perfectly obvious from everything you've said that you 'do' care, but for some people no matter what you do, it will never be enough and there are some people in this world who go through life complaining that nobody cares about them, no matter what anyone does, they just like playing the 'hard done to' victim and enjoying hearing others protest about how much they do 'care' and jumping through various hoops to prove it.
i've not heard anything about how much she cares for you btw and in a proper realtionship the caring is supposed to be two sided and there is caring ie being bothered, and there is being a full-time 'carer'/parent type person

you may well want her back, but i imagine that if you get her, as long as you are with her she will keep this up ie maybe her whole life, constantly making you re-prove how much you care. she is probably the one who needs the therapy, not you - i am sure you can do better and find someone who appreciates you

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

I've been sticking with the belief that this is all a temporary result of her unemployment causing low self-esteem... in other words I think it'll get better someday.

Damn... it was ok for the first few days. I kept expecting it to be temporary... but nothing from her for a couple days now. I sent back the stuff she left here yesterday, including a christmas present for her and the dog and a note saying not to open until Christmas and that I'll miss them. Seemed like a good idea at the time so that her stuff wouldn't be here reminding me of her... but it also made everything seem more final...

I think she does care about me though. She was asking what she could do to repay me (before we got into the fight) for all my help, and she does occasionally do things for me unasked.

So she misses me... but she's not sure about some things. The situation is pretty fucked from her perspective at this point.

Basically she got the package of her stuff, and felt like I sent it because I wanted her to call. She was happy about that though, because she wanted an excuse to call...

Now, the problem is she did find that thread on the other forum... as well as several other threads I'd written. now, if you look back in these forums... well, there's some pretty bad crap from me being a whiney, needy AFC. (Yes, worse than now! )

Really not much that she read seemed to bother her... but it worries me because I think I come off pretty poorly in forums.

Things she said were concerns now though:
1) We had plans for Thanksgiving, and after we broke up I didn't check on if she had alternate plans.
2) The day she dumped me, I called up an ex and we went to dinner to get my mind off things. To make matters worse, I paid for the dinner when I hadn't paid for anything with the girlfriend all month. (Due to her saying she wanted to pay half and not really meaning it... but we finally worked THAT through I think.)
3) I titled the thread "Probably better off without her right...?" Which made her think I was happy about the breakup.
4) A lot of people were saying she was bad for me, some even suggested it was abusive... and now she seems unsure of whether or not she is good for me. (Let alone whether I am good for her.)
5) One of my other threads was from the day before we got into the fight, and about how sometimes I miss a previous girlfriend. (Not the one I had dinner with, another one who she knows I had pretty strong feelings for.)

And of course, she's still really, really, really upset that I put a condition on bringing food over for her last Monday.

After that conversation we hang up, and 20 minutes later she calls back... a friend had called her and they talked about, and... well the friend got her all worked up about the money bits again. Now, she IS in really bad financial shape... and there are a few things I could have offered to pay for such as chiropractic appointments or yoga. So I got another rant about how I'm cheap... and we fought about the whole money issue and her telling me that she wanted to pay half until I finally yelled that I didn't feel right about taking the money but that's what she said she wanted. At which point she actually sounded happy that I said it was wrong... and I think we kind of moved on from there.

Unfortunately she was going to try and find some more threads I made with a different username... and, well... shit only gets worse the farther back you go. So today I heard nothing from her but sent her a good night text around bed time. No response... but hoping she had just gone to bed early.

But the takeaway I guess is that she's still mad about some things, but does miss me, and is still talking because she likes me... but isn't sure we're good for each other. That last part worries me...