The ex:
~HB9, awesome personality. We click on almost everything we talk about. Is great about wanting to please me and shit. Has some commitment issues - probably from some abusive previous relationships and a rocky childhood with her parents etc.
Situation:
We started casually dating early summer. Got hot and heavy. Made it exclusive about 3 months ago. She bails on it 2 weeks ago, says stuff like "it was getting too serious, too good, I found myself only wanting to hang with you... i hate feeling that way".
Anyways, I go virtually NC. She hears i'm out with my friends the next day. Not even 48hrs after the break up she gives me a call and asks me if i want a dinner/movie "date" (she puts emphasis on date). We go out, have a really good time. We inevitably talk about "us" and she explains that she doesn't want to lose me and she can't believe how strong I was for being able to walk away. I explained it wasn't about it being hard, just that I know there are other girls out there and that I didn't need her in my life. Maybe I want to, but when it comes down to it, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
She got really nervous, blushed, and asked if we could go back to casually dating. Said she misses the fun beginning stuff. Said she loved how nervous she was to come out with me on a date. I told her I'd think about it and we went on with the night. Had a great time, she gave me a long hug and went home.
I asked her out for drinks once or twice the next week, she had plans with a gf. She asked me out once and I was busy. Finally a week later, on sunday, she asks if i want to get a drink. We wind up getting some cheap wine and watching a movie at her place.
For some reason, at this point, I have no idea what to do. It's weird, almost like the break up was some kind of power play. It's put me in a mindset that I have to win her back or some crap. I know it's ridiculous, but I find myself wanting to be more forward/flirty/clingy with her than I ever have with anyone else.
Over the last 2 weeks, she's told me shes hoping my night is going well and good night and all that. Most days, if not all, she texts to ask how my day is going or to tell me she misses me. There's been a lot of circumstantial stuff that's keeping us from going out/hanging out, but it feels like while she's saying this shit, she doesn't make an effort to actually chill.
Not really familiar with this pua stuff. Reading around, I've noticed I've always had more of a natural game. The first time we got together, she asked me out. The first time we kissed she jumped on me and went for it at a party (saying she just couldn't take it anymore).
Anyways, the real problem is I don't feel like myself anymore. I've never really put thought into how to act and shit around girls, just kind of do my own thing. Writing this out was pretty helpful already, i prob just need to go back to that.
The real advice I'm looking for is trying to figure out what's up with her, where she's at and how she's wanting me to act? It's weird cause, she told me that whenever we were apart, she hated it and never felt like I was into her until we were together again. So now that we broke up and are pseudo-back together, I feel like maybe she's asking me to be more attentive or something? I dunno, whenever I do it feels pretty weak.
She's definitely doing some flirty, interested stuff:
-Says good night to me every night.
-Asks how my day's going almost every day.
-Says she misses me, wishes I was there.
-Acts nervous, on our 2 "2nd try" dates... needlessly brushes against me. long, almost sensual, hugs at the end of the night. laughs constantly. blushes and does this goofy inner-laugh when she's flattered/flirty.
-Role plays situations like snowball fighting with me and then making me hot cocoa and snuggling up afterwards.
So it's like, there are some real signs there. But:
-Seems to not make effort to actually hang. Almost indifferent. Says stuff that makes it seem like she's waiting for me to ask her out (i like girls to come to me). ie. one night i asked her for some drinks, but she had made plans with her gf an hour earlier. she said "ugh it's too bad you didn't say anything ealier! that woulda been nice
next time!" or another time she accused me of us not getting together because "i hadn't talked to her all day".
-Things not physically going anywhere. hugs, albeit seemingly passionate (wouldn't let me go), is pretty friend-zonish.
Anyways, wtf? Am I supposed to be building attraction here again? We are already way way beyond comfort, whenever we talk it's super open and transparent. She admits that I'm a great thing in her life and would die if I were to bail.
Idk, wtf man?
CHAT
