I really need advice on this one.

Been going in to see this bartender. I've been getting vibes from her and we were really clicking. I thought she was the 'one'....big mistake I think.

Anyways I tell her I got back from a trip up to property my family owns. She was interested in renting it. So I gave her my number for the contact info after giving her the website it's at. Thought this was an ''in' somehow, and I've been trying to go slow with her.

We talk a little more after that and everything seems like it's going right.

Then I ask her, "so what's new in your world?" First thing she says is "well I've been seeing this guy....it's new....but I'm not feeling it'

I just listen for a sec and say "ohh?" I feel myself getting into Dr. Phil mode and I don't want to be there. So I just listen to her. She runs down the list of things "wrong" about him. I'm trying so hard to be calm and just listen. I say a few things like "Well....if you're not feeling it you're not"

She then starts to say "but he's sooo perfect for me". I ask her how so. She runs down a list of things and I am realizing she is describing ME, at least what I know to be me.

So at this point I feel PISSED inside, but maintaining my composure. I almost said "sounds like me", but I didn't, just nodding my head and saying "I'm right there with ya".(I agree)

Then I just shut off because I'm thinking that I thought for CERTAIN this girl was into me, why the HELL when I asked her "whats new" did her first thought go to this DUDE??????

So right after she was talking to some drunk douchebag at the bar I said, "Hey I'll pay my tab". I signed the card and walked out and said "Hey let me know about that thing" (the timeshare we own that she was interested in )

She walks over and says "Yeah, maybe I'll bring the new guy up there or something".

It's like she spit in my face. I felt like she just stepped on me when everything seemed like it was heading toward us getting closer or something.

So now I'm home, she has my number, and she wants to take some OTHER DUDE TO MY RENTAL PROPERTY?????

How the hell did I get here? How did this script flip so much? And what the HELL do I do?

I'm so confused right now. I feel like she just yanked the rug out. I thought I had this girl and I thought she was such the one for me, not just another pick up or 'chick'.

Guys, I feel totally out of sorts here. What the hell do i do because I have no clue what happened.

TO ADD: I played her slow, showed no sexual energy or interest, talked to her like her gay friend, and used NONE of my self with her. I put MYSELF in the friend zone and didn't even realize it. Why? Because I REALLY liked her. That's what screwed me up. Mother****er I feel like the total chump.

anyone? I really could use some feedback on this. I'm stuck and hating this feeling.

You answered you're own thread. You dont need anyone else to tell you what you already know you fucked up on. You played it safe and didn't really make any moves and masked you're intentions to look for an "in".

And honestly, it's not a huge deal. I know it's frustrating right now but this is a shining example of what not to do, and now that you laid it out in text format, go back and look over every detail and think about what you could have done better. Dont take these defeats personal, go over what you did wrong like you're studying for a test and learn from it.

For example, giving you're number out and using the property as an excuse. Now, you could have maybe used this to your advantage a little better. Maybe you could have set up a time where you two could have made a day out of it to go up and look at the property and maybe grab a bite to eat? Like a micro date, where you have time to talk with her personally and run some solid game.

When she started talking about her boyfriend, you went into gay friend mode. This could have been a perfect time to inject yourself into the conversation. Also, CHALLENGE HER. When she said, "but he's so perfect for me", say what you're thinking. "Well, if he's so perfect, why are you having second thoughts?" By saying this, you're taking the reigns in the conversation and making her think on her feet. It also shows that you're genuinely listening to her and not spouting a few "uh-huh's" in pauses.

I think saying "sounds like me" would have actually been a pretty good retort. That's being bold, but as quickly as you give you take. "That sound like you're describing me, but im sorry sweetie. Im not looking for anyone right now"

Again, dont stress it. I probably couldn't think of this shit on the fly either. IT's always easier typing things out than in the heat of the moment.

I'm stressin THIS ONE hard core. All the other chicks I've been with this year, could take or leave.

I can't fathom the thought that I screwed THIS one up for good. I wanted to be bold but I wasn't sure about her IOI's. She plays songs for me and says "I played this for us". She always explains herself to me if she says something she thinks I'll disapprove of. I touched her wrists, smelled her perfume, but didn't even flirt or anything. PHUCK

She always gave me IOIs and I sometimes would give her a cold shoulder to let her think I wasn't too into her. I didn't even REWARD her for anything. So I think she pulled back. She went from hugs, checking her hair in the mirror when I showed up, putting on lipstick in the back room....to NOTHING

So I went to nice mode tonight. Thought I was being too aloof. She mentioned this other dude once before briefly but for a second. She won't even say his name, she calls him the 'new guy'.

I was going to wait till 'she called me'...because I thought we had such a connection that she would be 'naturally drawn to call me'. Our favorite band is the same band, she writes down bands for me to check out, she opened the door for me to ask her out SO MANY times.

I chumped out by giving HER the number because I didn't want to get rejected so bad I just left it all out there, and GAVE HER my number??? (Amateur hour)

But I played nice tonight. Then out of nowhere when I thought it was going good....BAM...."I'm having second thoughts about this guy"....to "maybe I'll go up to your cabin with the "new guy"?


???????????

WTF? Really? Seriously this is maddening.

So I'm stuck between.

1) She did this to make me 'jealous', and see a reaction. If so, she's not mature in the first place and that would make me like her less anyways.

2) She thinks that I see her as a friend.

3) She only sees ME as a friend.

I just want to know which one it is so I can readjust.

Thing is. I've gotten good at getting girls to make out with me and follow up with a date if I just see them in a sexual way. I have no problem with game if I'm just having fun out for a night.

But if I really am into a woman like THIS, I screw everything up. I just wish I saw her as a total douchebag so I wouldn't trip.

This one was important to me...damnit.

There you go. That's what works.
Without going into too much detail, this is what doesn't work. Not talking about your methods just yet, but your attitude. With the way this is sounding, at some point in time, you've let it slip through the cracks how you feel and made her feel somewhat apprehensive about taking the next step with you.

Plain and simple. You're emotions are getting the better of you. You know what works with women. You've gone out and gotten women to fall for you to some degree. You were not emotionally invested in them, therefore, you knew what worked. What you had to do to get what you wanted from them.

In this case, you've fallen hard for this girl. You want something more with this girl, so you second guess your methods about picking up those other girls because this one is "different". Well she isn't. She's just like any other creature with a vagina on this planet. You have to do what you know works and set aside this emotional need you're trying to fill. You two are on entirely different levels, with yours being way higher than hers. It needs to be the exact opposite of that, keep her chasing you. And the quickest way of doing this? Stop giving a fuck.

You know your emotions are the root of all of this, they're making you second guess everything you do.
Do you over think all of your women that you've been successful with like this? Probably not.

You're obviously very capable of getting women, but just feeling frustrated over this one. MY personal advice? Step back and take a breather from her. Dont totally ignore her when she calls/texts or avoid her at all costs, but take a little time to align yourself and start from scratch. You two already have a little history so it'll be great to pick right up where you left off.

I hope I was clear on some of the issues. When you flirted with other women, you did it to do it. Not for their approval. Do you see where every little thing is seeking approval and acceptance with this girl? Taking a little time off will really do wonders for you. Stop and take time now before you damage your relationship with her irreparably.

-By the way, just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you cant score
She told you she doesn;t even like this clown. You're in. Keep it cool man and in time you'll get what you want.

The "new guy" only exists in your imagination. She was hoping you'd make a move and when you didn't, she came up with a lame story to light a fire on your ass. Seems like it's working. . .

Even if you do nothing, I'm betting that she will contact you for no apparent reason. She'll 'blah, blah, blah" over the rental property or the bar or the fictitious "New Guy" but you should know that she's contacting you because she's into you. She's contacting you thinking, "when will this guy make a move?" (By the way, she is NEVER renting that property unless YOU rent it and take her up there.)

Do not confront her but do not go along with her story like you're her hair dresser. At any point, if you change the topic into a "you and her" story, she'll happily go along with it. She will plug the 'new guy story' every now and then to tease you a bit because hell . . . it's funny. Hey, even I find your reaction pretty entertaining.

1. DO NOT take any more time. Good looking women know that guys tend to get nervous around them but they also want to feel that the 'power of their beauty' alone will yank guys out of their shell. If you're not into her enough to get over your nerves, well, this great built up energy will dissipate.

2. It's not too late. In fact, the timing is perfect. Asking her out earlier would have been OK but NOW is even better. She's WORKED for it. She's WAITED for it. She certainly got your jealous juices flowing. Lol . . .

3. Your conversations should always be bridged toward fun events OUTSIDE of the bar. Other bars, museums, parks, cafe's, etc . . . You will see a positive reaction from her even if you talk about the lamest 'fun activity'.

4. "Hey, let's check it out"

*The little white lie might resurface when it's smooching time. Just turn her chin towards you, look into her eyes, smile, go for the smooch. If she doesn't bring it up . . . well there's no real reason for you to bring it up is there?
I know you might be a bit confused but don't pass judgment so quickly. You're already detaching yourself from her thinking that this is over. A crazy girl would have found some guy and made out in front of you to get a reaction. This one came up with rated G fairy tale. Hey, I like this girl. She's going to keep you on your toes.

Kasabi,

Thanks for the input man. I like your style and think you have great insight.

When I first met this chick, an hour into me being at the bar, she was sharing so many personal things with me. Showed me a bruise she had on her arm,said the "new guy" did it to her by picking her up . "Can you believe it?" she said. Many other things to about her family, her likes, things she's into,etc.

When we talk, she always says "Omg I think that too" or "That's weird, I feel the same exact way".... She's always asking what I'm into. Always seems interested in my life and my hobbies. Wants me to bring her things I bake. (Took up baking lately...don't ask)

And I was so happy this chick was seeking approval/connection on some level, I would just act aloof and be like "Oh that's cool" (dur dur der hur dur)

When I think about it, she's given me so many INS I feel like a total ass.

Anywho, thanks man, I'm gonna reload. I have a 'feeling' she'll call or text me with some random thing. Probably music related or some small talk.

I have to reset on this one.

And you're right about the judgment on her maturity level. If she is doing this to make me jealous, it worked. Then she's a smart cookie. But soooooo evil . LOL

P.S. I really do think this 'new guy' is suspicious. She mentions him like he's a ghost or out of a novel. No name, no face, just convenient to bring up at key moments.
Not saying he can't be real but it's bizarre. The whole thing is weird.

What's worse is if my intuitions are totally wrong and she's not into me at all. But she has given so many OBVIOUS IOIs that if I misinterpreted them , she's just a REALLY FRIENDLY person, and I got taken in by it.

Or maybe I just shouldn't give a fuck and work on other women. Definite ONEITIS going on and I can't take it.

Really? Uh oh . . . what will happen to you if you are wrong? Do you suffer from some sort of "Misinterpretation disease"? Seriously though, this one's in the bag.
Not yet.
Come on . . . let's show some respect to the guys who really suffer from oneitis. You didn't even give it a shot yet.

In my opinion, Kasabi is the only one here who KNOWS exactly what is going on here.

Go, go go.

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*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
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I am like the OP - any girl that I dont "know or like" I get them chasing me and cant brush em off - everyone i feel has the natural game the problem is when it comes to girls that we "know and like" thats when our game is fucked.

I know where the OP is coming from and the one thing that has worked is trying to maintain the frame, even if the girl doesnt go along with it - eventually you will. Its worked on me where girls I didnt "know or like" used a sexual frame and eventually I went along with it and was won over.

Well, the chick never called and I haven't seen her since. Either I misread or we're both busy. Well, I'm busy at least.

Anywho, haven't really thought about her at all, just way too much goin on.

What if you knew for SURE that if you went over there, she'd suck your cock that night and you'd continue on to be a couple for a quite a while? I bet you wouldn't be so "busy" then. You're just chicken shit that's all.

Dissonance Reduction.

It's probably still not too late . . .

If you lose this one, no big deal. There are plenty of girls out there. However, if you continue with this chicken shit game for the rest of your life . . . well, the results are predictable.

^^

This.

The thing is guys persistence is good. As long as it isn't needy.

How many times have we heard about a guy/girl interaction going good. The girl throws him a curveball and suddenly he goes all cold.

'Hey I'm a PUA. I can get ANY girl I want. She's a loser. She doesn't know what she's missing.'

LOL. Guys... if a bunch of random strangers on the internet can see through this BS, don't you think her and all your friends can too?

All you need is ONE chance interaction with her to hang out. One chance interaction to DEMONSTRATE you're the one she's been missing. One chance meeting to see if you two were meant to be? Thing is... if you don't try how are you to know???

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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good replies here. especially solteris and kasabi (is there a rep function here?)

anyway at the risk of sounding like a dead record don't let the emotions get to you man. and i'm not saying this disparagingly, but from personal experience. emotions can. fucking. mess. you. up.

no wonder the ancient greeks always placed reason/logic well above emotion