Why does paranoia strike a relationship? And how can it be cured?


Many a times when I tell my girlfriend I'm busy doing work or I'm going to sleep at an early hour, somehow she starts to act a little cold. If/when I'm with another girl (purely a friend), I get the cold shoulder again. She's open to me, that she's very insecure. And I am too, to an extent although it's not easily visible even to me. Sometimes I can't help but imagine negative scenarios when she gives me even slightly vague reasons. You catch the drift. We don't really respond to what the other person is saying, but to what we think the other person MIGHT be doing.


Is it the lack of trust?

_________________
Women are plenty, time is not.

Feeling ya dude, im in exact same situation! she's so caught up on thinking all i do is chat up women, that it makes me think shes gonna act on this and chat up other men!! weird mind games circles and its so bent!

Two pieces of advice for dealing with your own paranoia. First, stop being insecure and develop some confidence. If you blow her away every day (not just in the sack) and you know it, you won't have anything to worry about. Second, never make assumptions. This is true for any situation, but even if she dishes you some sketchy story, don't assume anything or read too much into it. I could tell you story after story where this lesson has saved me from sabotaging my last LTR. Relationships are built on trust and the ability to trust is intricately intertwined with self-confidence.

To deal with her paranoia you must communicate. Let her know what you think of her and why. The more you keep her in the dark, the more insecure she will feel and the more assumptions she will make (see problem mentioned above).

As a disclaimer, I don't buy into the school of thought that says you have to game your GF, keep winning her over every day, push-pull, or any of that garbage. This has been my experience, and it has served me extraordinarily well in my past LTRs.

I agree with Keksman's post.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

where's the best place to look/learn???

Personally, this is how I deal with many of these problems.

I do two things.

I accept that it is a possibility and there's nothing I can do to stop it if it occurs (if this is a true statement such as in your situation)

and

I realize that while it is nice, it isn't necessary and I am willing to lose it, especially if it is due to that sort of thing.

Once you realize these things, you will find that a lot less things bother you. Change what you can, accept what you can't, and learn to tell the difference between the two. You'll be a lot happier that way.

I like to characterize paranoia as obsessing over something you know you have no control over yet trying to control it in futility anyway. This leads you to a loop in which you quickly degrade your mental capacity due to the paradox of your predicament.

Perhaps thinking of it that way will help you as well.

_________________
Don't think you are, know you are.

Shutting my self-defence mechanism up, I'd agree that we both aren't very good at maintaining a relationship. How can we learn?

_________________
Women are plenty, time is not.

(Removed by moderator. Don't hijack threads)

_________________
bra_dy

glad to know my girls not the only one... and were in a 2 month relationship already ahah

Enjoy your relationship and don't worry about the outcome. As long as you are true to yourself and do what you believe is right by your woman... there is no reason to be paranoid.

If she leaves over something stupid.. at least you'll know the relationship failed because she is nuts and not because you did something wrong.

Altimately... if you can't be yourself with your woman... then you are not with the right woman.

_________________
Women are smarter than you think... but not as smart as THEY think