As I see it, man/woman interaction is kind of a chess game, you must have a sound strategic and good tactics to hope to win.

In order to understand better the good vs bad behaviour I am asking to the accomplished PUAs of this site to construct an ideal interaction so we can indentify better the corner points. We all have seen movies or novels where the man gets the girls but doing that in real life would get you nowhere.

Thanks in advance.

You're thinking about socialization in a way that is going to set you up for failure. Seduction is not about 'beating' the woman you desire in some contest, it's about how you make her feel. Further, the notion of an 'ideal' interaction is backwards, it smacks of engineering a desired outcome, rather than allowing things to take their natural course.

Develop yourself into an awesome person, learn the subtleties of communicating your attractive qualities (really, you're just giving her an avenue to discover them for herself), and go after what you want without self doubt. Seek every opportunity for improvement, don't be overly critical of yourself or you mistakes, and cultivate a genuine appreciation for the opportunities life is riddled with. You won't need to win her affections, rather, she'll need to win yours.

The one thing you are very right about is avoiding seeking guidance from depictions of interaction in popular culture. Reality is where this skill is honed, not on TV, or in movies, but out in the world.

Good luck man

Wagon,

You must be right, that would explain why I have been failing for the last 20 years (that's right), the problem is people like me need more step-by-step instructions, we don't have a developed sense of intuition or something else maybe we are too lefty-brain or whatever, the thing is that a general guideline is not enough for us.

Maybe there are no advices other than 'go try figure it by yourself'. I really don't know, but since there are 'systems' structured to get girls you like then I thought I could 'learn' to get girls that I like.

I just had one relationship that was worthwhile, then a bunch of relationships that I did not care about, and several failed attempts with girls that I was really attracted to but no love in the other direction. I'll keep in mind your opinion though, maybe it'll help.

LoyalThinker,

You're on the right track already, seeking information about seduction is part of taking action to improve your skills, I just try to stress that one can easily fall into the trap of exploring the concept theoretically, without the requisite experiences in reality. I'm anti-system, but I do see some value in a structured approach, much like training wheels a rigid structure can help give you the confidence to continue to develop and eventually proceed without the crutch.

That said, I do believe a plan of action must have concrete ideas, it's pretty tough to 'develop yourself into an awesome person' if you have no real idea what makes a person awesome in this context, or how to develop those attributes in your own life.

If you provide some specifics about where you're at in your life, and what your goals are, I can share some ideas that you might find helpful.

I think there is a theoretical way of approaching sexual attraction and playing chess. The desired end result in chess is to get your opponent into check mate. I think the desired result of good game is to get the girl thinking about you. In my experience in a relationship if it's 10 minutes old or 10 years old, there is always going to be one person "chasing" the other one. You better make damn sure it's her chasing you or she will never respect you. The more the girl thinks about you and worries "will he call"? Or "is he mad at me?" The more they begin to like you.

I always try to keep mixing it up throwing mixed signals, even from the beginning. That's just my 2 cents.

Well, I am 35, I have a job, no girlfriend, no children, a student loan that leaves me not much money to spend in fancy dates.

I am kind of a very rigid person, I don't tolerate jokes, I am very respectful, I have a trusty word, I mean what I say. I am factual, I don't chit chat, don't like noisy or crowdy places. I watch my language, I am very polite and try to help others if I can. I am latino (Nicaraguan) but feel kind of english or german or some other culture that is not party/dancing oriented. I consider my personality is really great for friends but not adequate for lovers.

When I approach an attractive woman I get nervous, play safe and cannot portray any fun or interesting behaviour, I feel a pressure and fear defeat before it comes. In terms of physical appearance I am ok, even maybe above average (a 7 in my own scale). I am very impulsive, I fall in love very easily, I even have talked about marriage to girls that I had little time to know. It is kind of absurd but that's how I am.

I am very afraid of infidelity, although I know it is something it can happen to anyone, and it is no end of the world. I also value a lot for virginity or at least a woman with little sexual experience, a few sexual partners as opposed to someone that has met every kind of men (in bed). I'd like a woman around 20s, hot, fun, willing to engage a one-on-one relationship.

Thanks for your replies, feel free to comment.

Sounds like you have a small case of low self esteem. Here's my cure-all for that:

1. Before you go anywhere listen to your favorite upbeat song, something that gets you in a good mood.

2. Stand up straight, a lot of guys subconsciously hunch over because they think their belly sticks out and are trying to correct that. Trust me a big belly is far better than a hunched back.

3. When you sit (or stand) or do anything really, take up as much room as possible like you're the only person that matters.

4. Speak loudly and clearly and don't talk fast.

5. Make eye contact with everyone, don't stare at them just make sure they acknowledge you. If it's an attractive girl smile then say hi.


These things always help because the hardest part about acting like an alpha male is the beginning steps. After you've already established with the room what you are, everyone expects that from you. It's like if you're considered a nerd in high school everyone already knows what you are so it's hard to change, however, if you move to another high school you can completely change who you are.