Ive been dating a HB8 for 1 year and 2 months now. The relationship is pretty solid right now. We've had are ups and downs (some of which has been posted on here) but anyways, I'd say our relationship is pretty good. Daily sex, few arguements etc.

The other night, we went out with friends of mine who are a married couple.

My connection is to the husband of this couple who is a friend of mine for nearly 20 years. Some background is helpful: He is a good guy generally when sober but has the tendency towards craziness/wildness when he is drunk. Ive never known him to cheat on his current wife of 2-3 years but he does love lapdances at strip clubs and he has cheated on a past gf of his with one of our mutual friend's girlfriends a long time ago (Yes. This looks pretty bad). (I dont want to get into the whole story becuase it is very complicated and if all the circumstances, were understood he wouldnt seem like the evilest guy in the world but the idea here is I want to leave you with the impression and understanding that this guy, if drunk, is not exactly loyal to his wife and maybe, even his so-called good friends).

Anyways, so my gf and myself go out to a bar with him and his wife and three other guys who are friends of his. We are all sitting at a big booth in the restaurant and suddenly, a situation gets intiated where my friend begins to arm-wrestle with my gf. My friend has huge arms and there is no way my gf could ever beat him in an arm-wrestle. (I can only occasionaly win against him myself). So the whole situation is just erroneous but they keep doing this arm-wrestle over and over again with my friend holding his ground and then, eventually my girlfried getting drunker and drunker, laughing while holding his hand trying to arm wrestle him. Sometime, in between bouts, they just start holding each others hand, teasingly, pulling and grabbing. This is happening right beside me and his wife. At one point, my gf is asking his wife and me to join her in helping to arm-wrestle him because she cant win. She is laughing uncontrollably and visibly drunk. This continues and continues to the point where the other men at the table appear to be getting annoyed and everyone seems annoyed becuase in an effort, to win the armwrestle, my girlfriend starts to push people almost out of the booth with her whole body. At one point, when my friend pulls her almost over the table during an arm-wrestle, my girlfriend says "Im not a porn-star" giggling away. At that point, I got pissed. I basically said to her, in front of everyone, "You need to stop doing that. Your drunk. Lets get the bill." I rise to get up, in a motion to get the waiter, but my friend suddenly grabs me and stop me and says "No. No. Stay. Its cool. Lets watch the football game" They then finally stop arm-wrestling and we watch the game. During this time, my gf texts me and says "You need to trust me. Im just having fun with your friends. Its harmless". Like ten minutes later, they start arm-wrestling again. Shortly, there after, in like 2 mins, the game we were watching ended and everyone gets up to leave immediately. I think my friend's wife and everyone else was all ready to leave immediately becuase of the unconfortable annoying situation which had developed between my friend and my gf or perhaps, my display at annoyance (?). I dont know. Just as we are leaving my gf's blurts out, in front of everyone, rolling her eyes, how my friend just asked her if he could pay for sex from her (?!!!!?!!), which is probably true knowing my friend and how drunk he was (I swear this is what she said but she now denies remembering this or it being the case). My friend's wife, at this point, said to her husband, "You are scaring [my gf]. Lets go". I end up driving them home and all ends as if the issue was buried with this couple. At least, I tried to appear this way. But knowing my friend's wife, she likely scolded her husband later and gave him a speech about his drunk flirtatious inappropriate behavior (She always scolds him about his drunken behavior).

On the ride home with my gf, finally alone now, I could not contain myself, even though I tried, and I yelled at my gf, told her she was acting like a whore. I also said she needs to date someone else becuase I wont put up with that kind of behavior. I also told her Ive never been so embarassed or disrespected with a gf etc. She cried until the morning, claiming she was just innocent, thought I was over-reacting, didnt realize how bad it looked etc. She later agreed her behavior was inappropriate and would cut it out. She denied the porn-star comment and the "pay for sex" comment though. I may have misheard but I dont think so. I just think she was too tipsy to remember.

A couple important things, one should also know:

(1) A while ago, my gf told me that early when we were dating, this particular friend, she felt had tried to act in a way which was over-the-top flirtatious with her and her friend. In this situation, we were all together and he was with his wife. She described it this way, "She said that he did not blatantly hit on her or her friend but acted in a way, which she knew if she was willing that he would definantly be interested and willing to do whatever with her or her friend." She said she couldnt believe how he was acting with his wife right there and that he didnt act like a married man.

(2) I've had other different issues with this GF with her approach and flirtatiousness with men. All of these issues have been resolved and she has stopped doing it becuase I have brought it to her attention.

Needless to say, I know there are gonna be tons of comments here saying how jealous behavior is for wussies etc. But I need to know people's thoughts (good/bad). Was I over-reacting? What else should I have done? I can tell you right now if that arm-wrestling had continued I would have been liable to yell at my friend or do something even crazier...

In my opinion, if you find it unbearable then getting angry is a normal reaction. Sure you have feelings for her and you have feelings to.

Yelling/Shouting coz of anger is a little over if you can still explain things in a calm way. I think in your post you stated that your girl apologized and would not
do the same thing again.

Handling of situation is good. i think its not over reacting. But try to keep the
shouting/yelling as much as you can.

Thanks for feedback. I agree about yelling and anger.

We all have our nights to where we fantasize about what we don't have, and its true, girls love what they can't have. Now take into mind, you have been dating this girl over a year, and your friend is married. Your girlfriend is smart i'm sure and knows that nothing could ever become between her and your friend because for one he is married, and 2 he is your friend. And also she is with you, sure she was having fun with another guy but when it comes down to it your the guy with the year of rapport with her.

So sure you were i guess you can say amogged but hey it happens and she was drunk. If you really are afraid she is growing bored of you take her on an alone date, to a hotel near a beach or something awesome, while out get her a little drunk because obviously she is playful and horny when she is drunk and then take her back to the hotel afterwards and have some fun, show her that your still fun, throw her around like a doll, seems like she likes the alpha male behavior.
hope this helps man, and just remember, there are other girls out there.

-shawoo

On the ride home with my gf, finally alone now, I could not contain myself, even though I tried, and I yelled at my gf, told her she was acting like a whore. I also said she needs to date someone else becuase I wont put up with that kind of behavior. I also told her Ive never been so embarassed or disrespected with a gf etc.

Good for you sir! I don't know if I would have yelled or kept my cool, but my words would definitely have left an emotional scar or 2. That type of behavior is unacceptable, PERIOD!

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Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

Thanks for the posts guys. Its nice to know that there is at least a consenus on the inappropriateness of the behavior. I didnt want to get brandished as the insecure "jealous" bf - that's my biggest concern.

As far as yelling, yeah I agree. I wish I could have curtailed that aspect.

That's bullshit and i'm glad you didn't just sit there and take it.

No girl, especially one you're in a relationship with, should ever be allowed to be like that to you.

I probably would have called it quits right there and then if I didn't have a compelling reason not to.

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Don't think you are, know you are.

This is good
This, not so much. "Cool and disappointed" > "insecure and angry"

Well of course she did. Believe me, you did not mishear, and she does remember.


The best thing to do in these situations is to tell her straight : "I won't put up with this behavior. If anything like this happens again, it's over."

When she starts crying and saying she doesn't remember and that she didn't mean anything by it, just ignore her.


-Roz

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NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

No matter how many times you get told that approach is the correct one for that situation, it's refreshing to hear it from an actual female....

Thanks for the additional comments. I agree I should have been more cool and disappointed rather than angry. I regret that I lost my marbles.

Simple: It crosses the line when it bothers you.

Just don't come off as jealous or possessive.

Agreed with the above, if it bothers you and you know you're not being petty, something should be said. I personally hate when girls do that in a relationship.

From what I got from that, she knew that your friend gets like this, knew it would bother you, and proceeded flirt back throughout the night?

I know everyone here basically regurgitates different versions of the same thing but I agree with them when they say not to lose your cool. Instead, my solution? Break up with her. Dont argue or get yourself worked up over her because no pussy is worth it. Tell her flat out, "were done".

There's nothing wrong with being weary about this behavior and your girlfriend even said she felt she was getting a vibe from him before. She condoned it. She will CONTINUE to condone it and blame it on anything else like, "Oh, I was drunk. It was harmless!" I bet neither one of them would be grinning the way they were if your were rubbing all over his wife, would they?

I dont know her personally and I dont have to. This is a girl that will always look for reassurance through other guys. Girls like that will never change their ways regardless of how serious the relationship is. Working with her like this is an addiction or something isn't doing either of you any good.

By breaking up with her, you keep your self worth. How many more nights are you going to sit through like that night before you realize that what you've been working on with her.....hasn't been working that well? Be blunt. Be brutal. Be honest. Tell her no more and that you're gone. Let her cry and moan and have her come crawling back to you on dirty hands and knees because that's the best way to get through to someone. That was unacceptable behavior by your girlfriend, so why put up with it?

Your self worth will never be any higher when you stop negotiating and start taking charge of that shit. No more.

PS- These guys do have a point about the yelling. A vagina should never make you get that worked up. Ever. Over anything. Always keep your cool, thats that mark of a man with his shit together.

Thanks for the additional comments guys.

Solteris - you seem to suggest this is a dealbreaker. This has definantly given me some pause. I do need to think about that.

As far breaking up with her and seeing if she "crawls" back, ...well...I would argue that I kind of did that already..that very night...and she did cry all night, beg for me back etc. I think she got the message that it was a huge deal. I know her pretty well when it comes to me giving ultimatums and she's not going to do this again.....I know her and she can be quite disciplined once she is schooled. This particular incident will never happen another night. While this girl has had a series of screwups, she doesnt repeat the same ones.

But your wider arguement is a powerful one. If this is true: "This is a girl that will always look for reassurance through other guys. Girls like that will never change their ways regardless of how serious the relationship is". If this is truly the case, I will have to end this relationship. I think you could be right about this girl. It is sort of a re-occuring theme with her but there are some incidents which are debatable and I have also been accused of acting jealous. I am not talking about re-occuring incidents of flirting specifically as described, just incidents which I find unacceptable/ disrespectful. Some people agree / some people dont. You see the reputation she has amongst her friends and people around her is quite the opposite. If I told anyone, that I was dumping her becuase of a "male-attention" issue, they would all think Im nuts or crazy. She is kind of viewed as the least like that. Just innocent and playful...but who knows.

I also have to consider my own unhealthy habits - My tendency is more towards trying to find faults with a woman I am dating becuase then, I can find a legitimate excuse to break up with her and find another girl. I usually end up depressed after breaking up because I underestimating my feeling for the girl Im with. Anyways, I just have a love/hate relationship with being single and tend to love the chase / meeting new women. I always think "I can do better..they are so many other hot girls out there"

Anyways, I am going to be monitoring this male-attention issue...sound advice

Im not trying to complicate things for you anymore than im sure they are. I've just seen plenty women that remind me of your girl. For me, personally, I choose not to date these kinds of women. Simply put, she enjoys her sense of freedom in flirting with guys and getting their attention. There isn't anything WRONG with that, but to take a girl that's open and free with her sexuality with guys and try to contain that into a relationship is usually a recipe for bad things.

Just like us guys tell women, it goes the same for us: "You can't change a person." Im happy to hear that she's trying to change and for your benefit I hope she does. I can only talk through my own experiences and experiences my closest friends have had with women like this. At some point, a girl like this will find loopholes and ways to get around your established rules. Either, "Going out with the girls" or "Going on vacation with family/friends" and given her nature she's bound to reciprocate flirting when she's at a bar or whatever and getting hit on. Whether she acts upon anything is totally up and the air and you know her better than me so im not going to assume anything.

That's why, to me, this is a dealbreaker. Girls like this will "change" for a while and keep the relationship going because she really DOES want it to work. I think maybe they just underestimate how much they need attention from other males, and slowly she'll revert back. Without your knowledge of course.

I dont want to think that my post is all doom and gloom, because I do hope it works out and she does change. Also, consider being a bit more lenient with her too. The scenario that you described to me was an ABSOLUTE no-no, but re-evaluate what you find disrespectful and really ask yourself if there is a woman out there that will meet these expectations you have or are they just plain unrealistic? If they are, compromise with her and yourself about what you feel "okay" with and where the line is drawn. If not, then you have a better understanding of what type of woman you should stay away from. Take it as you will.

Short version - Women like this, in the long run of things, have problems staying in total monogamous relationships regardless of how good things are. Be it a self-esteem issue or whatever is going on, all you can do is try and make it work. If she puts real effort into making it work then that's all you can ask for.