One-itis Problem

I'm Flame and I have one-itis.

JUST KIDDING.

Anyway, your friendly neighborhood Flame is here to talk about one-itis, because it seems to cropping up within these boards these days. A number of posters have talked about their IP/one-itis still maintaining control over their lives, or the fact that they get one-itis easily, blah blah blah.

Okay, so what is one-itis?

ASF definition: A disorder commonly found in AFCs, that forces them to think that one chick is so special that they'll do ANYTHING to get into her panties. The most common cure for this disease is to go out and fuck a Baker's Dozen of other chicks to see that one piece isn't that special.

Well, that's pretty much what one-itis is. But why does it happen?

My personal theory is that one-itis most commonly develops in guys for whom quality women are a relative scarcity. By quality, I mean high level of beauty, charm, grace, beauty, intelligence, elegance, beauty, blah blah blah, you get the point. Hot women you wanna fuck, k?

In HS, I wasn't very social outside my own circle of friends and had almost no "game" whatsoever. Usually, guys who are like this live happily anyway, because there are things to do besides look for chicks. However, that also means that you aren't exposed to a high number of quality women... SO, that one certain female friend/neighbor/co-worker starts looking super attractive, EVEN IF SHE'S NOTHING TRULY EXTRAORDINARY IN THE REAL SCHEME OF THINGS.

This is the main cause of one-itis and in order to make yourself immune to it, you have to embrace this realization. Yes, that "special girl" is special and unique in her own way and it would be great if you were that one guy who could truly appreciate her. This is what I believe true love is similar to.

The thing is most guys aren't really experiencing "true love" when they catch one-itis. What they're feeling is a certain STRONG and UNHEALTHY attachment to ONE female, not because they truly understand and appreciate and LOVE the female... but because of THEIR OWN INSECURITIES added to the relative SCARCITY of quality women in THEIR OWN lives.

Notice what I'm stressing here: one-itis IS NOT the work of the GIRL, by being extraordinarily special or crazy beautiful or whatever - it's a result of the GUY'S personal insecurities, lack of confidence in finding another/better woman (due to scarcity + lack of social skills/game), and a void within themselves that desires affection. It's the GUY'S fault, NOT the girl's.

Oftentimes, these guys who profess love for their one-itis don't even really KNOW her. Not well enough to truly love her, anyway. You know why? Because if they TRULY understood her, they'd know her well enough to get her - the right way. And if a guy truly does get to know and understand a woman, there is NO WAY he will get one-itis... because if he can see the truth about her, he will also see that she is human, just like himself - a person worthy of love and affection perhaps, but not of the blind, numbingly-retarded devotion that one-itis entails.

So... a solution for one-itis? Well, for one thing, it is NOT asking "Well, how do I get this X girl?" Because to be honest, none of us here (not even the veterans of IW.com) can tell you EXACTLY what you need to bag that ONE SPECIAL GIRL. We don't know her, we've never met her, we can't give you step-by-step directions to nail her.

If you are looking to solve your one-itis by trying to figure out a step-by-step, personally-tailored gameplan to bag that one special girl, you are approaching this the wrong way. Why? Because, like I said, the root of one-itis is NOT the girl, but each man's personal demons. Finding a gameplan or the "perfect line" or the most magical gift to win her over is not really addressing the essential problem areas that need to be fixed - YOUR INNER SELF!

What is truly required to avoid one-itis for good is a change. Several changes actually, focused around your outlook on life followed by hard applications to your actual lifestyle:

1) Expose yourself to more social scenes - and thus more women.

When I was first working on my game, I used to just go to every party and clubbing weekend I could find out about... no, not to do cold-approaches or talk to girls or game them (though I did start doing this pretty soon). I was too scared at first. But what I did do was watch. And listen.

This might sound creepy, but what happened was that I started realizing how MANY fucking GORGEOUS women there were in this world. Seriously... yes there are uglies, yes there are warpigs, yes there are hags at clubs. But there are a fuckton of hot women too, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can embrace the idea that you want MORE of these hot women IN YOUR LIFE. That maybe.... juuuussttt maybe, that one girl ISN'T as special/magical as you thought her to be.

2) Work on your social skills/game.

This is a very broad concept, but you must work on your skills with women. This means exposing yourself to lots of women... then talking/gaming them up. Yes you will fail. A lot. Even after you get good or decent. But the sooner you can start regularly getting women... well, the sooner you will realize that women aren't jewels, they aren't some great treasure that you only stumble upon once in a lifetime. They are enjoyable, they are amazing, they are beautiful... but there are a lot of them. Maybe one day, you'll find one that's more special than the rest... maybe. But regardless, women are everywhere, waiting to be enjoyed.


I'm going to end this post here with a story from ASF regarding one-itis. It focuses on the common question guys with one-itis have: "What can I do I get X girl? I don't care about getting game, I just need advice on how to get this particular girl."

STORY:

You're a lousy baseball player and somehow managed to get yourself signed up as a rookie hitter in some major league team. So in your first few games, you go up to swing the bat at pitches from a typical major league pitcher. He's nothing special, he just happens to be worthy to be on a major league team. You keep striking out because, well, you've so far in your life been a lousy baseball player. But it's cool to be on a major league team... and you don't want to get cut. So if you want to stay on the team, you have to learn to hit.

You go to your coach and say, "Coach, I'm hitting lousy against this one pitcher, but I want to be really good at hitting in the major leagues. Can you tell me how I can get a hit through that one pitcher?" The coach says, "Your problem isn't that one pitcher, your problem is that you're a lousy hitter and have never played in the majors. Just practice with the team and play through the season against other pitchers and by the end of the season you'll be in good form. And, who knows, you may even run up against that one pitcher at the end of the season after you've gained all your new skills and be able to get a hit off him then."

The guy who doesn't understand or accept what the coach is saying responds with, "But coach, I want to hit good against that one pitcher now! How is finishing up the season with field training and practice going to help me against that one pitcher now?"

More Flame on One-itis:

Okay... one-itis can strike in a relationship, but usually it occurs when the guy is not fucking/physically involved with the girl, but still feels some sort of "love" or "devotion" to her, even though she's not his gf or his fwb or they haven't hooked up yet.

Because.. well, one-itis, like I said in the OP, is not really about the girl. It's about you. Most guys get one-itis for a chick they aren't/can't fuck, because part of her unattainability contributes to her "specialness" and increases the effect of the scarcity factor, making him feel like he MUST get this ONE chick, or else it's the end of the world.

If a guy has a gf who he is fucking regularly, it is not AS COMMON for him to have one-itis for her, because it assumes that he is quite capable of finding plenty of women to fuck. HOWEVER, this isn't always true. Guys can get one-itis for their gfs. This is more probable for guys who are with their first gf. They have this gf, don't think they can other women, and it contributes to their sense of SENSELESS and BLIND devotion to this one girl.

When it comes to relationship, it is possible to have a healthy, passionate and loving relationship WITHOUT getting one-itis for the chick. One-itis basically means the guy is placing the girl way above himself, places her on a pedestal (and thus above her true worth in his life). You don't have to do this to have a loving relationship with your gf. In fact, I think it's even more rewarding when you understand and accept that your gf is as human as you are. This allows you to appreciate her in her real form, as a person who is as flawed as you are, but who ignites something within you.

Perfection is not a requirement for love. Part of romance and love and building real relationships is discovering the flaws in your partner and embracing those flaws as part of this whole, real person that you are sharing something very intimate and beautiful with. There's something very sacred about seeing a person truly as he/she is and still realizing how important she is in your life.

One-itis is unhealthy because it deludes the guy into not being able to truly see the girl and what she can or cannot offer to his life.

Hope that cleared some stuff up.

By Flame