I agree with your general point, but what about this response is "secure, confident" or "positive"? It sounds pretty reactive to me.

In general, it is best to simply ignore and change the subject if she brings up any conversational thread that isn't gonna progress your pickup, e.g. any problems, past and current lovers, etc.

I think a more underlying issue is that, if a girl is bringing up problems with a current lover in front of you, you're probably on your way to the friend zone if not already in it.

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youre right , its me .... mister nice guy :s and each time the girl finish with the other guy ... So Frustrating

Its a thing that i've got to work on

This also works for a girl's insecurities.


"i'm so fat/stupid/ugly"

Where most guys would go noooooooooooooooooooooooo, you're not...you're this and that......yada yada


There's no use in that.

Aslong as a girl believes she's stupid/fat/ugly whatever you say won't change a thing about that. It's her problem, and it's her job to solve it. And convincing her otherwise will have the same effect as going into her beliefs.

Simply go:

That's alright, ~switch topic~


And they will ACTUALLY appreciate it when you show you don't care about it and accept them for whatever flaw they think might have.
They'll actively start innitiating conversation with you. Because you are the one guy that doesn't care about her insecurities and accepts them for who they are.

Powerful stuff if you know how to deliver it right.

And that comes with experience

I agree with this, to a point, say a girl has low self-esteem though, beautiful, but doesn't think so. Why not use a bit of nlp and give her an anchor, maybe that anchor for happiness is a ring that you anchored the state of happiness to and gave to her as a time bridge, so she will see you again, then she feels happy and doesn't complain again, now something like, oh this guy is a jerk, that you shouldn't help with, but something like this, is a huge way to leave her better than you found her, and builds slot of comfort, do you see where I am coming from?

Putting up with these things such as talking about herself being fat, or an ex-bf, or even any topic that is not important to you reinforces that behavior and tells her that you're a pathetic dude without the self confidence to tell her when she is being rude or conversing with you about a subject that you have no interest in. She will never respect you after that (respect=attraction).

after reading, recently observed this in some afc behavior around me. very true.

i love threads like this that point out things i never realized.

do you guys agree that the problem is not "solving her problems" as much as it is "trying to solve her problems"? in other words, solving her problems without (apparently) trying could actually work in your favor.

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Absolutely,

But I'd suggest things she could do. I wouldn't go out of my way making it all happen for her, nobody likes that person.

"I'm jobless"

"hey, I heard this or that place is hiring people, you should check it out"

and so-forth with practical problems.

As far as her insecurities go, I don't care about them. And not caring about them is the best I can do as a bf/lover.
If she wants to deal with them properly, she should see a shrink


@blondguy

Dismiss it->make her react

It's a proactive way of dealing with it.

I'd rather deal with it like that than stay 'unreactive' or be oblivious of what's going on.

Also dismissing that girl talk let's her know you ain't the person to talk about shit like that, VERY clearly.

Most guys let 'friendzone' just happen by not dismissing it as an option. The least you can do is say NO to it, and let her figure out if she wants to stay in contact with you.