I am recently (6 months) separated after a 21 year marriage. Needless to say, I am out of "practice" with regards to all of this. I am 48 years old, 5 ft 5 in tall, a professional (physician), not rich but not without my assets, a bit overweight and early balding but not at all bad looking. My questions right now are two:

1) There are some colleagues/work associates (nurses, respiratory therapists, other physicians) with whom I would like to go out. I would like advice on how to approach this in a subtle way. If I go around hitting up on colleagues, in my line of work, word around the hospital and clinic will spread like wildfire (I have seen it happen) and my reputation will suffer. I cannot afford this professionally. So, is there a way to ask a co-worker out "without asking her out?"

2) I have my attributes: highly intelligent, a good - dry - sense of humor, am not bad looking, have enough money to get by and then some, like to have a good time, and am highly dependable. However, I also recognize my deficiencies: short, not athletic, older, balding. So, my attributes are not always obvious at first glance and certainly I don't stick out in a crowd. "Peacocking" is not my personality. So, how do I get a lady to quickly recognize my attributes before being dismissed?

Thanks,

mingus.

1) talk about places you like to go. you can practice with male colegues and invite them out to the bar or to eat after work. Once you get the hang of it and find a good formula to convince people to hang out with you after work or during break time, you transfer those techniques to the women. it will then be easy to find the right way to invite out a woman out without being too direct.

When you invite a man to hang out, you're doing so without demonstrating any attraction (because you arent interested). so you have a formula that demonstrates zero interest. So you transfer that technique.
She won't be able to say 'hey dr.Mingusmonk's been hitting on me' because you wont have shown enough proof of your attraction.

just learn how to invite people out for lunch break, after work then out for coffee

2)Wear nice shoes! and when you leave work, dress well. You have to show off your success. You must give the image that you are successful, through your clothing, you body language and you vocabulary.

Know what kind of women you are aiming for, and ask yourself 'what kind of man does she want?' rich/poor? long term/short term? funny/serious? then give the image that you are that man!

I don't have anything to say to question 1 because I think Lucky D's response was more useful then mine could be.

But for the 2nd question:
Don't think that with being good looking and having some money you are already there. It sure counts but a lot has to do with attitude.

The whole idea of pick up is that you want the girl (or woman, in your case) to become interested in you, in stead of showing interest in her. Make sure you don't come across as needy but I'm quite sure you knew this already, considering your awareness on how your rep will suffer etc.
Woman love alpha males. By that I mean men who know what they want, men who have self confidence, men who know what they are doing and are confident about it.
Just be cool when you hang out with her, make her feel comfortable with you is very important. There is so much to say about this so it's hard to determine where to start, but I'm sure you will find many more interesting posts on this forum!

Oh and looking well groomed is also of mayor importance; shave properly, smell nice, clean your nails (woman will for sure notice dirty nails).


I have some interesting pdf files about dating for middle age people on my computer so if you send me a personal message I can email them to you if you would like that.



Chès

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Have you seen Nip/Tuck?

Your goal is to be Christian.

The first thing you should do is improve your game so you're not being boring AFC.

what is an AFC?

Average Frustrated Chump. A guy who isn't into the game and thus isn't very good with women. (Exception for the naturals of course)

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No.

1. You're probably interested in going out with your colleagues like you're interested in your favorite slippers. It's just a matter of frequency and proximity; you're comfortable with them and they are probably comfortable with you. However, your professional identity and your relationships with others are probably clearly identified. Why take a shot at pick-up here? EVERY GIRL "kisses and tells" or worse, they "don't kiss and still tell". For now, let 'slippers' be 'slippers' and try this game out elsewhere.

2. You probably run into women all the time. Just suck it up and go through the game at any opportunity. I know at first that this might seem easier to do with somebody you already know but in reality, this is MUCH MORE complicated with women you already know.

3. Keep it simple.
Your game: Utilize your attributes.

Open: Women LOVE to chat. Women LOVE to be spoken to. Give her this gift. I have a suspicion that you already open plenty of women with your humor. Well . . . open PLENTY MORE.

Routine: This is the part that separates 'social people' and 'social people who get women'. There are many different ways to do this but you'll want to get into a habit of bridging topics towards a 'date': "Oh, I always wanted to see what _____ (any fun place) was all about. . . " - is the type of response you're looking for.

Close: Seal the deal. "Cool . . . We should definitely check it out. I'll call you." - Then you pull your phone out casually and she does the rest. Call her right there and then and tell her, "Did it work? Great . . .now you have my number."

*You will succeed. You will fail. (Would you prefer to succeed + fail at the office or would you rather do this at a park with strangers?)

**Kino. It's creepy to stand there and share a fun conversation while keeping your hands at your sides, standing 5 feet away. Read up on this topic . . .

*** Once you get your groove going and have a few dates under your belt, you will NATURALLY begin gaming your colleagues; you won't even need to give it any effort. You'll have things to talk about, cool recent experiences to share . . . and it won't be a 1st person to 2nd person topic so there won't be any creepiness but you'll still get there fantasy-minds spinning. Interested women will ALWAYS ask you, "So who did you go with?" And they will see in your attitude how happy you are and how much you're enjoying your life. . . Your answer: "Oh, just somebody I met recently. Nothing serious . . . " - you'll easily notice the women who are digging for MORE. They're doing this because they are imagining themselves in your 'date's shoes'. If you're still interested in your colleagues, this might be the time to game them.