This is easy.

The oneitis will pass as soon as you meet the next girl.

Ive had plenty of oneitis over the years. Shes the one, soulmates, yadayadayada.

But each time the moment I met another attractive girl who is interested in me, the other one no longer seems like such a big deal. So I recommend you go out there and mingle with other women and become attracted to someone else. In the mean time, I agree with the early poster who said to embrace the pain and ride the emotional wave. It will desensitive you after a while till your heart turns to cold stone.

Is a friendship with a oneitis girl possible? Unfortunately I've been hit hard by the ... illness and have yet to move on in nearly a year. We haven't even been in the same country since then, haven't seen each other, I blocked her from FB and we've had maybe six e-mails (none of which actually did anything productive).

I'm still very much in love with her, unfortunately. I do believe I may meet another girl and the feelings will fade, but it's not like I'm a chick-magnet. I can't decide whether she did me wrong or I just wasn't seeing the signs.

Either way, when someone is important in your life like this, you shouldn't completely rule out the possibility of a friendship, right? I also suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome, but I don't think there's anyway I'm going to get rid of my heart.

VERY VERY true, good advice.

I don't agree with that. I know exactly what he is talking about because sometimes I used to do the same in my afc years. If you have a oneitis, and you start doing this, the only thing that will happen is that you start liking an other girl for whom you get san other oneitis. Like that, you can jump from one oneitis to an other oneitis in 2 weeks!

Seriously guys, oneitis is an inner game issue. You can only be stronger and more resistant against oneitises if you improve your inner self.

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

Shyler is correct and great link you had should be stickied.
Oneitis is based on an illusion, now I think there are is different types of oneitis on how they start but they end the same. I've experienced both but they start differently.
1.standard oneitis: this girl is so hot so blah blah is how it starts she is perfect even or at least for me.
2.compassionate oneitis: This one is you've found a girl you have some interest in, not oneitis or anything but then you find out something bad has happened or is happening to her. You feel compelled to save her and comfort her from whatever problem is trying to destroy her life. A person becomes enveloped in this problem and trying to fix it.

They both end with an obsession with the girl and the longer it goes the more needy, insecure and pussified the man with oneitis becomes. Standard oneitis is the obssession with a confident, stable girl though and the wanting to possess such a girl. Compassionate oneitis is based on trying to save the girl that seems to be unstable and not confident whether or not she is. She is ellicting a feeling of compassion and compassion is not attraction. The man wants to save this person and make this girl stable and confident. Remember compassion is not equal to attraction nor is it equal to love. Compassion should never be invested into a girl a man has attraction for because the line will blur and this will have major consquences.

Here is the first level of answers people will give
-Go find and date other women
-there are plenty of other girls like that go to the bar and pick them up
-the best way is to go get laid and just forget about her
-stop being a pussy and go get some pussy

simple logical answers, too bad oneitis isnt logical, its not even emotional, its habitual, it becomes part of life itself, thinking about her is like driving a car you just do it

now shylers deeper questions to find personal answers If a man knows the position of the lady is a no then he should proceed to delete it all. If not he needs to ask her in the most confident way he can do it, and when he gets his no he can delete oneitis from his life.

Remember this is a habitual feeling everytime our brain disengages from the current activity she is going to be on the mind and finding stuff to do all the time is impossbile, when the person with oneitis is at work, driving, in class, in the shower, trying to sleep the person with oneitis will start thinking about her.
Now the most important thing to do is to catch yourself thinking about her and make it stop. The brain will try to keep thoughts about her going so try to shut it down everytime the brain starts, its very important to catch this process. its like trying to quit smoking, when the brain is engaged in doing something a person forgets about wanting a smoke but when all of the sudden it disengages a smoke sounds great.
Now doing all that will do some good but that is just a start, a simple answer.
As with most issues the problem is created by another problem
behavioral problem

_________________
Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

Sorry Shyler, I do not agree.

Most all inner game issues are out of fear, and how do you think women control guys? Through their fears and desires.

I don't agree with oneitis, but I also don't agree with "You MUST not be oneitis! It's an inner game issue! Evil!!!!" (That's an exaggeration of course, but I can try and find you a cross if you like).

Think about it Shyler, if I was a woman, and I caught on that you are dead set against falling for one girl, I'd find some way to exploit it, just for fun!

ill tell you a way to get rid of oneitis it is quite horrible but you'll never see her in the same way again. basically oneitis in a sense you mentally building her up as being this perfect girl imagine that she is a wall and all youve done is build her up in your mind guess what its time to mentally bulldoze her down!! firstly rather then think about her positives ONLY think about her negatives her ridiculous laugh, the noise she makes when she eats, her breath when she wakes up in the morning! now part 2 imagine her with a mickey mouse voice or sean connerys voice then take off all her make-up imagine her with warts and spots and dorky glasses and greasy hair and dressed in a bin-liner, what you are doing is changing the image you have of her everytime she comes to mind mentally break her down it will break down the pattern of oneitis

_________________
life sucks and then you die! deal with it

Sounds eccentric, but I agree, that is another good idea, probably with a little less mickey mouse and sean connery though. That's just weird. lol

i would agree that its over the top and eccentric however the eccentric and over the top work more then just thinking about something logically. the voice thing i suggest because if she has a sweet voice youll think of it as a positive only think of negatives!

_________________
life sucks and then you die! deal with it

first off sob why was my post cut short the best part is missing.

and no crazy, our mind will rationalize flaws as positive things to keep everything congruent.
now let me see if I can remember what I posted.

oneitis is a behavior caused by a mental problem and thats caused by some habitual problem built on by experience

experience of life--->mental problem--->behavior: oneitis

A person believes that this oneitis will give them something that they need and its almost never sex, its something else. Usually a guy believes that this girl will give him everything he's ever wanted and he will feel completed, finally though the guy will usually realize he has a problem but it has become habit. hard to break.

The question to ask any guy who has oneitis what is it that she has that he needs? is it status, intimacy, innocence, wanting to save her etc the list goes on there seems to be something magical about her she has and he dont so he wants it.

Find out exactly what this thing is. Now
the guy with oneitis needs to remember he does not need that and can develop it himself. No one else can give it to him. He is the only one that can grow this trait that he needs. When he accepts that he does not need her for what he was trying to fill he will not need her anymore but his habitual thoughts about her are something he needs to make an effort to stop.

_________________
Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

Hmmmm, it seems that some people are not understanding my point. I will not argue this point any further.

Oneitis is evil? a disease? a mental problem? Harsh for something that does not even matter.

I'm certain there is the possibility that oneitis does prevent us from getting women's affection, and probably is hardwired from our past troubles and family troubles.

But I wish some people realized how paranoid they appear when they talk about this subject. They do certainly appear to be afraid of being an afc or a wussy.

I'm sorry boys, but fear like that is no better than fearing getting your willy up, it wont impress her. Fear of being a wussy, is wussy! Don't forget that.

I am dropping out of this conversation. Have fun!

Instead of having a valid discussion you instead call us a wussy. I am afraid of being the guy that does that instead of happening an open mind. I am truly sorry that taking a psychological approach is bothering you. I was just tryin a Cognitive behavioral approach to the problem bc oh it says evidence for self help applications interesting
oneitis is a process gone awry even though the guy knows it and is a habit. When your ready to stop the name calling and come to the table, discuss with me. I am really sorry Im a psych major lol.

_________________
Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

I don't get your point to be honest. What are you saying then? That we shouldn't change our confidence, our inner self? That we have to stay AFC? Having a strong inner game means: being confident, being able to do things with the flow and without thinking too much, having strong ideas about your future, having a strong view on the world and how you see things, being able to recover quickly from downs and to move on, being positive, not whining about everything ... I can't see why this is bad. And isn't this the opposite of fear?

Well I don't say it's evil to have oneitis. If you read earlier posts of my in this thread you see me saying that it's nothing to be ashamed about and that you should accept it if you have it.
But that doesn't mean you should be glad with it. I had many oneitises in my life and I experienced it as the most hatefull things on earth. I hated to feel depressed because I didn't had her to love me. It was like that for months. I maybe wished even more to have that damned feeling away than to have my oneitis girl.
And I don't think that anyone else wants it. In my sociology classes at college, I have learned that one of the mean reasons that people commit suïcide is because people can't get what they desire (the main reason is: feeling disilusioned and alone in society and disturbance in society. After that comes this reason).

Ok true, oneitis doesn't garantuee always that you won't get the girl. But in most cases it will. If you are a shy guy and you are secretly loving this girl for months hoping she don't know it, then chances are 0,001% that you two will be ever together.
If you are a MPUA, and you see this super hot intelligent, funny HB12 with a killer smile and an irresistible sexual vibe and she gives signs of interest but who is also hard to get, an equal player to the mpua, then a pua might get obsessed with her as well because she is the only who acts so hard to get. He might have oneitis. But because of his experience, he still might know what to do, and he knows how to RESIST the oneitis feelings and how to NOT LET IT CONTROL HIM. In this case the oneitis might make it a lot harder for him but not impossible. But this is a different scenario. This is only possible when the girl's intelligence, beauty, hard-to-getness is in analogue with or comparable is with you're player skills, your social skills, your experiences and your looks. Than you are a match. This is the only possibility when it might work. You will not quickly have an oneitis for someone who is lower than you and don't equal you.

And say if it's true what you say that most inner game things come out of fear, then why would fear be bad? Fear isn't always "evil". It's very natural as well. Fear of being an afc might give you a drive to become better and more succesfull. Is that bad?

I hope you understand my point of view.

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

Actually, that's a good valid argument. And I see your point of view.

And to be honest, I used to live by the same point of view! And sometimes, I still do, I might start again since the last girl I "oniticed" lost interest.

But I'll tell ya one thing, what I discovered by occasionally embracing oneitis, lets just say it was anything but bad.

ps: nice at pointing out that fear isn't bad. Because the paradox is, I preach facing fears, but perhaps I'm afraid of fear itself. Which kind of reminds me of a common cliche.

Prepare for the worst man. Don't trust any girl except your wife! Expect that when you're not with her, she is cheating on you. Expect that she is using you for so and so, and whats you've been leeched on, she'll leave you.. etc etc. When you prepare for the worst, the outcome will be the best.

Note - Don't let it take over you though. She'll think you're a weirdo if you randomly walk up to her one day and ask if she's cheating on you. Moderation is key.