Ok so ill try to describe this situation the best i possibly can and hopefully you guys can help me with my situation...

So im at college and I've been seeing this girl for 3 weeks now...the first few weeks we were texting each other all the time, hanging out on a fairly regular basis, kissing/ hand holding in public, basically we did everything but have sex (although I got half way there one time). Anyways, we established that we're "seeing each other" but we never really talked about a full out relationship.

But last week things got sort've weird, through text she was being really rude to me and it really pissed me off so I gave her half assed responses, then freezed her out for a day. Finally, I caved in and decided to talk to her. In this conversation I wanted to find out what the hell was going on because I had done nothing wrong. She told me she was just having a bad couple of a days. But I told her that, that was no reason to take it out on me and she apologized for it.

However, during this conversation I said something along the lines of, "I dont want to be in a relationship with someone thats going to be like that"...and she asked me, "well what exactly is our relationship?"...and I responded, "well you tell me"...and she said, "she never really thought about it?" (probably not true) and then we got talking and she told me that she really likes me, but isnt sure if she wants to get into another relationship because she just broke up with her ex-BF right before she left for college, and has done relationships back-to-back-to-back.

She then asked me what I wanted, and this is what I told her...

I told her that I liked her, but I dont want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesnt want to be with me. I said that if she doesnt want a relationship with me then she should let me know, because I dont chase girls and its unfair to me. So I basically left her with the ultimatum, that she can either be with me or we should end things and do our own thing. I told her she didnt have to respond right away but id like to know soon because I have other options on campus, but Id rather have a relationship with her.

Basically I put the ball in her court and I'm wondering if a) I made the right move? and b) what do I do if she says "no" or "I still dont know"...well if she says no then she made things easy for me, but if she says shes not sure then I dont know how I would respond to this...Also when I see her again in a couple of days do I just ignore the topic or do I bring it up and ask her, her decision?

If anyone can help me out and give me some relationship advice I would greatly appreciate it. Theres obviously some left out details, but if anyone has any questions please let me know.

You basically put yourself into her friendzone by saying that. I highly doublt she will go into a relationship.

Never give girls an ultimatum. Cause dont forget, women have MULTIPLE choices. She was with you because she assumed that you were the guy in her life at the time that she was the most attracted to, something that would have had her in your hip pocket if you played it right.

Plain and simple, you got too emotionally attached. You got pissy and took it out on her, and gave her an ultimatum. Women will never go for that from a guy, because that oozes AFC. All because she hurt your feelings? You should never care enough after only three weeks if she hurts you're feelings because you really dont know her that well yet. Three weeks is not enough time to get attached enough for things like this to be taking place.

Even if you really did want the relationship with this girl, playing it cool at all times is priority one. Anything she does rolls off your back like water. Lashing out because she upset you is AFC to the core. You need to always be an outlet of comfort and fun for her.

You just desired a certain outcome too much, ad when things didnt go as you thought they should have, you destroyed the spontinaity and magic of the whole process. Why would she want to be with someone where all she has to do is say 'yes' to and they are together? She needs to always work for your affection.

Asking her anymore about this whole bad idea is only gonna aggravate the situation alot more. Dont text or call her. See her in person and tell her that you were sorry, dont make any excuses, just tell her you're sorry. What he responds to then will tell you how she really feels. You were a man, took the initiative and apologized. If she has feelings for you, she'll put it aside.

And if she does, DONT rush things. Go out like two good friends would for a while, but keep contact limited. It;s like reverting back into the early stages of game, let her see you have a fun and happy lifestyle without her and if she's interested she'll gradually get back into the idea of going out with you.

i think: if u really wanted her you shouldnt have been that much of an ass with her. give her time, dont bring it up just give it a few days. and that "i have other options here on campus" was a mistake i think....guess it all depends on the girl if she thinks she THAT good or not. if she says no, play it cool and if u really want her just go with what she gives you....you'll eventually win her over.

ps- ultimatums are not games you wanna play with girls. they are more than likely gonna answer what you dont want them to answer and then you dont stick with the ultimatum and u look like a little b!tch lol just something to think about

fuck me lol...you guys are right...in my whole courtship of this girl, I forgot the fact that I am still learning the pickup arts. Ever since I came to College, I've neglected learning more about the Game because I honestly havent had time. I really need to refer to the forums more. Instead, I was stupid and sought the advice of girl and guy friends.

Quite frankly, I panicked. I really did. I thought she was pissed at me, and I let it show. Thats the difference between AFCs and PUAs, us PUAs control our emotions, AFCs dont.

Im going to see her on Wednesday because shes not on campus right now, and Im quite simply going to apologize. Im gonna tell her, I was stupid and lost control of my emotions. Im gonna tell her that I dont want to put pressure on what we have and just see where it goes.

From now on Im sticking with my learned PUA instincts, and if Im not sure I will consult you guys on the forum.

1.You saw her way too often and invested way too much, way too early.

The way to know if you want a real relationship is to have sex at the latest by the 3rd time you see her. Any later and you're flirting with AFC boyfriend (she withholds sex, expects you to pay, cancels, comes late, ditches you for her friends, cheats on you, etc) or straight up LJBF territory.

You should keep things casual by only seeing her 1-2 times a week initially, until you really feel there is a connection and you want to get more serious. Then you can choose to commit to her exclusively. Why do so any earlier, you barely know each other?

Keeping yourself less available also makes you a higher value commodity (simple economics) and therefore makes her want you more.


2. You let her know exactly how you felt and laid all your cards on the table.

If you want a girl to be really into you and constantly thinking about when she'll get to see you again, then you have to keep her guessing. Keep things interesting, invite her out to fun stuff, and DON'T let her know exactly how you feel, what your goals are, and where things are going. That keeps her wondering, and working hard to keep your attention and keep things good between you.

Your ultimatum makes no sense because you're arguing from a position of 0 power. You've raised the relationship question and started trying to guilt trip her into wanting to be with you. You've clearly invested more emotion into this then she has, and now you're not even having fun. You're offering zero value and then making her choose you. I wouldn't take that deal, would you?

You're trying to change her mind instead of her emotional state. The way to get someone to want to see you is not to say "hey I really want you to see me," it's to just having a fucking awesome time and make sure they enjoy themselves around you. If you do that, they will want to do it again.


Conclusion: You're in college, for fucks sake - you should be going out and meeting tons of chicks, you do not need this specific one. Relationships are pretty casual and you shouldn't feel the need to tie yourself down to one girl, especially so early on in getting to know her. Play the field, keep things more casual, and wait to hold hands and see her frequently until you've been going out for a while first.

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As tough as that was to read about all the mistakes I made, you are 100% right...I fucked up from the start and I did this because instead of running proper game, I was just excited by the fact that I was seeing this really hot, cool girl. It looks like your conclusion is the right thing to do; however, my problem is that I go to an extremely small college and the number of hot girls is very far and few in between.

Dude you had a boat of "one-itis".... Never let it happen again, remember "style's" cat string theory, never let her be the one with all the options!

loved your 1st LR by the way.

keep it up!

TC

Never stop growing...it's easy to revert back to comfort.

"PUAS control their emotions"...it goes alot deeper than that but you are on the right track.

There is alot of good advice on this thread and you are one of the few that seems to be actually heeding it...as hard as it is to see sometimes, yes, we have been there and being able to recognize it, understand how it happened and then grow from it really puts you ahead of where you were big time.

Keep us posted!

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

Hey fellas just read some great advice here. It really is great stuff and this guys mistake is something that I would do right now if I hadn't read this thread.

Went out with a girl twice, second date we had a makeout session but I couldn't F close which frustrated me and I am beginning to fall for this girl.



You reminded me even though I want to contact her I got to keep her guessing and most importantly the "she's the girl for me" is a FALLACY. This is my weakness, I fall for girls wayyy too easy, but they will not know this and eventually I won't be falling so quickly.

Style said it best, think about that girl and how she ISNT right for you.