NONDRINKERS
Shit, I don't envy you, dude. Without "panty remover" you are looking at hours and hours of talking before anything happens. Like, the sun is going to be up. The only advice we can give for these hopeless causes is to get some kind of mutual interest (like a band that you go see) and then have a way to link that into getting her home (to hear more music from that band). If that doesn't work, try a road trip. Nothing pulls a girl out of the friend zone like a road trip to Nova Scotia. What are you going to do, spoon in the hotel and just fall asleep? Pshaw.

TALKING, LAUGHING, FUCKING
We've told you this a million times before: You don't talk, you don't fuck. You have to keep chatting from the first moment you meet her until she's lying naked in bed next to you. Don't come up for air. It doesn't even matter what you talk about—do observational Seinfeld shit like, "Man, have you ever tried the grape drink at that pizza place on 1st and Saint Mark's? It's like a grape EXPLOSION. Now I know what the soldiers in Iraq are going through. Only in grape."

Remember last year when we told you that you have to beat off about the girl you want because a) it tricks your brain into thinking you've already fucked her and b) it sends magical wank vibes out into the cosmos that she unconsciously picks up on?