im new to the community after a 10 month relationship recently ended and unless im absolutely wreaked the thought of approaching a woman makes me wana be sick .

i understand this is normal as ive spoke to some of my mates about it but they were less than helpfull.

once ive got into a conversation i dont have a problem running routines and just being the man in general but this approach anxiety has gotten so bad ill be nervous for the entire day building up to a night out .

partly i think this is because my friends have built me up to being some kind of god at this sort of thing, mainly because before ( and during ) the relationship i done very well. its just added pressure for me to perform and it sucks.

i need to get this sorted out and i know the only way to get over it is just to approach everything i see and implement the 3 second rule but i wana be sick just thinking about it.

i know openers but for some reason i cant build up the courage to use them.

im not bad looking . in good shape and never withought a large group of friends so this should be easy but its killing me.

any advice would be appreciated . thanks in advance .

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Seize the day

We all know exactly where you are coming from. AA sucks hard dick.

Sounds like you have a really good idea of what you need to do. So keep those thoughts in your head.

I only have one other idea for you to try. I used to have a major problem with AA and building up confidence just to open a set. I went out with a few of my friends (some of the best PUA's I have ever run with) and they came up with the AA destroyer. They ran it with me about three sets and I was opening sets all night long. All you do is go out with someone who can open the set first. Give them a minute, go in and wing them. Get into the set, and your buddy leaves, leaving you to the set. Run it, close, and leave. Repeat this until you are comfortable opening by yourself.

Also try situational openers (negs and peacocks). These are easy and spur of the moment. Great for getting you back into the game. I just went through the same situation as you. I had a girlfriend for a year, and built that AA back up. Just keep sarging and it will go away.

This is what I have for you. I hope it works.

_________________
RedSkwirl

"You can't win if you don't play." -Neil Strauss - The Game

"Tonight, men, we sarge until we bleed!!" - Peter Alexander

Here's a few openers/tips at the club or at a party or w/e.

Find a group of girls that are just dancing by themselves, and find your target. Just be like "Why are you guys dancing by yourselves?" bla bla bla let them answer "So are you guys single or what?". As soon as one of them says yes, just grab her hand and say "Lets find you a boyfriend!". Lead her and find some AFC's or someone that doesnt fit in or anything and let her playfully say no and stuff. Then say "None of these guys are as good as me right ". Thats a very successful one at a club or party.

Another opener that gives me confidence is just a simple direct approach to a 6 or 7. Just say "hey i thought you were really cute so i had to say something or id be kickin my ass all day regretting it." Introduce yourself and you have a nice base for conversation.

And most importantly, if you see eye contact, just go ahead and say are we gunna talk to just stare at each other . Easy line. prefferably to HB 6 or 7 to build confidence.

UOLF ~ even though that is a fun and playful opener.. that is for someone a lil more advanced beyond approach anxiety.. he has trouble approaching.. nevermind being Clever and Witty.. so.. he wont deliver that right until he has more confidence which is the important factor...

What I use to tell my Sales team.. and its not my own.. tons of people say it.. Its called the KISS method.. dont get nervous.. all this means is:


KEEP
IT
SIMPLE
STUPID

see?


You are having trouble approaching because of that crippling fear of rejection..

I have something very easy for you to do to work on that.. and I promise.. if you practice this.. your confidence will be more up.. and your approach anxiety will be greatly lowered..


You see a girl or group of girls you are attracted to.. doesnt matter.. These girls didnt go through hrs of getting ready not to be noticed.. its all about what someone says when they approach them...

Here's what I want you to do..

You walk up to one of these girls.. and you give them a genuine compliment on something that you noticed about them.. You introduce yourself.. You then say "your name is...." and then say.. hey it was great meeting you.. see ya around.. and walk away...
Thats it..
(DISCLAIMER: do not compliment.. Breast, Legs or Ass.. at this stage if you love the way her legs or ass looks in a skirt.. I love the way that skirt fits you or.. that skirt compliments you very well.. Its not cheesy or creepy or dirty.. simple.. straight forward and kind)

You were non threatening.. kind.. and had no agenda.. and you will be remembered for that.. in a good way.. I promise you...

Yes.. some girls may still have a bitch shield and be an ass.. but being that you were a genuine person.. and said nothing derogatory.. You are in the right.. so.. whenever I got a bitchy response or by chance.. ignored..
I said this "you know.. the proper response to a compliment is Thank You"
She will feel like an asshole.. and good.. she deserves it.. alot of times.. you will get an apology.. if she does.. thank her and say.. it was good meeting you.. see you around..
because she made up for her bitchy response with an apology.. you continue with your kindness..


Now if u say the line about a proper response is thank you.. and she is still an asshole.. well.. Trust me my friend.. its not you.. it is her.. and you really dont want to be around her anyway.. I dont care how hot she is.. that just means.. even if she did hook up with you.. shed treat you like shit.. so dont even let that bother you...



Please.. Any Feedback is welcome.. If you disagree with this approach.. feel free to tell me.. and why.. Remember.. That approach is for someone whom is afraid to talk to girls period... telling him to say a complex or cocky playful phrase will not work.. and he WILL NOT DELIVER IT CORRECTLY..



Above is something I did create 12 years ago when I was very shy and had alot of approach anxiety.. I had noone to teach me my friends at the time.. were AFC's too.. but I wanted girls to like me.. so..
That is what I did.. and if you knew me now.. youd see that My success with
women seems effortless.. and I dont have to mislead anyone..




~Genuine (Brian)

_________________
Keep doing that and I'll make you tremble...

Cutiest girl ask for more, unfortunately someone's creeping on my floor.. an empty glass a topless babe a knock at the door.. girlfriends girlfriends never could be more..

Hey dude, hopefully you read my post the approach anxiety cure and the 3 second rule.. I hope that helped you if you did read it..

I missed out something in that article that is extremely important.. it is completely fine to feel like shit when you wake up in the morning because all you are thinking about is approaching women and you feel soooooooo much pressure, I know what your going through.

Those emotions your feeling aren't bad emotions, society and all the bullshit rules has made you label them as bad emotions.

Whatever you feel it doesn't matter because you are always going to have some off days were you don't feel great but I promise once you use the 3 second rule and approach a set you will feel fine..

Secondly, from my experience I have found that you CANNOT learn INNERGAME through logic.. you can't its impossible, you have to rewire your innergame through going out in the real world and being social with people, approaching girls, being the chooser and using the 3 second rule!

PM me if you need any help..

_________________
FREE Online Bootcamp
http://www.thedirectgame.com/

just wanted to say thanks to every one for the great advice and after a k close last night im starting to feel a lot better

its because of posts like the ones above that i have a faith in the community and i know that i can rely on you guys when my mates cant help me with shit lol

_________________
Seize the day

[quote="UofI210066"]Another opener that gives me confidence is just a simple direct approach to a 6 or 7. Just say "hey i thought you were really cute so i had to say something or id be kickin my ass all day regretting it." Introduce yourself and you have a nice base for conversation.[quote]

How does this work for you?? I was out the other night, and I just froze, I could not think of an opener other than the big handbag one to save my life. I saw a really cute girl I wanted to open, but just couldn't come up with anything. I was actually thinking of just being honest and direct and saying something like you mentioned.

Of course I thought about it too long, and next time I looked over at her, another guy already moved in.

Build your stack, or make a cheat sheet.

Before I go out, I write down 2 openers that I'm very familiar with, and then 2 or 3 that I want to field test or work on.

Write down a few routines and stories as well.

In between sets, look over it and refresh. Get your next opener, and dive into your next set. Even the best still do this.

If you're in set and go blank, make a joke out of it and look it over.

Writing all this stuff down will keep you sarging all night.

_________________
RedSkwirl

"You can't win if you don't play." -Neil Strauss - The Game

"Tonight, men, we sarge until we bleed!!" - Peter Alexander

I like it! I'm a big believer in the KISS principle.

I like this one becasue it's a nice excercise to do to get used to approaching. Like you said, the cocky thing doesn't work for everyone right away.

And it could very well work and lead to further conversation. I've noticed women LOVE it when you compliment thier shoes or thier necklace or whatever...they appreciate something other than the "that dress looks great on you.....but it'd look even better on my floor".

Like you said, they want to be noticed...they take alot of time picking out shoes and accessories...the appreciate it when they're noticed.

I also think this is a great warm up excercise for someone maybe more experienced, but just needing to get a refresher or get thier head in the right place.

A few smiles and thank yous goes a long way towards inspiring confidence.

I'll probably do this the next time I go out....my head hasn't been in it lately, I could use a refresher and confidence boost myself.

Thanks ~Genuine (Brian) I will try this .. And because I m also just starting out so was looking for something simple and toned down because any c/f opener or opinion opener will not be congruent with my body language at first.. I will let you know how it goes.