Hello, I have been around these forums for quite some time. I have tried a lot of stuff in here and it hasnt really helped me out. I suffer from a major lack in confidence and self esteem.. Before I try anything else, I need a serious fix in my lifestyle and mind. This is the hard part, I tell myself I can change but I never do. Forgive me if this post is long but I am searching for advice as well as using this too vent.

Anyway I have very low self-esteem. It baffles me as to why I am like this. I am not fat or ugly (i am not a stud, average). I am actually a decent looking dude with an athletic body.

I have been feeling very lonely lately, the main reason I posted this. I get depressed occasionally because I don't have the life that I would like to have. I am very shy and I would say that I am more awkward than shy. The main reason for this loneliness is that I would love to have a girlfriend, hell I would love to just date or "talk" to a girl. I am 22 and my last girlfriend was in high-school. All throughout college i met a lot of people but I never took it further than that. I am not really close buddies with anyone.

I know a lot of people but I dont really have any close friends besides my roommates. I was always that guy that was just there and the most I ever talk to anyone is hey whats up? When I go out to bars and events etc.. I am always just that awkward guy hanging around. My phone can go days even weeks without ringing, except for from my parents. Everyone else I see has tons of friends, always texting hanging out etc...

I would love to raise my self esteem / confidence to meet talk to girls? I am always telling myself im never going to have a girlfriend, or get married. Its been five years of college and I havent done shit. I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life :/. I know I am kind of shallow and would love to get an amazing looking girl. I am still going to strive for that, but i never try because I always tell my self I will get shutdown. I always say there is no way this girl will like me..

I dont have a problem with the whole approaching and talking but this is where my awkwardness comes in. Once I start talking I just small talk the whole time and they get bored. I would love to be one of the smooth guys that can get any girl. I am a nice, good guy, why cant I find a beautiful girl to be mine? I want to be the smooth confident guy who can pick up the most gorgeous girl in the room and be the one to treat her right.

My life is so boring.

First, I would stop thinking of yourself as a wholesome, nice, good guy like you stated you are. The nice guy doesn't get chicks. What you're gonna have to work on is getting more alpha (mostly through arrogance).

I would start thinking of yourself as a prick, who burns bridges with girls and has a bad reputation with the girls from being overly skanky. I'm a big believer in how thinking a certain thing can happen, makes the chances of it happening in the future better. I would start acting somewhat obnoxious if you can. Anytime, you feel like your over-bearance might be pissing someone off, error on the side of overdoing it regardless (just for now). Essentially, I'm trying to make you very cocky, then you can bring it back down to confident once you get there. Start doing things like singing lyrics of songs either to yourself or when others are around. Pick out lyrics from rap songs where the rapper is really aggressively shouting out the shit in his video. As you're doing this, bow out your chest and loom over someone almost like you're trying to be really intimidating.

Start talking to yourself out loud when you're walking down the street. Alot of african american people do this from what I've seen in my experience. My experience has shown me that black guys are extremely aggressive with their game.

Unless you live in a smaller town and don't wanna burn though your options, start negging girls and then just walk away right afterwards smiling.

Once you get to prick status, we'll scale you down to just confident status. LOL!

One song I've always sang is that Kid Rock song where he says - "I'm a pimp; you can check my stats!!"

Oddly enough, I dont exactly disagree with this post above me. It IS alot about your mindset, but you also want to get your priorities in order, have a game plan in life.
You're not alone with this one bud, this is what holds back great men from being even greater in life.

You said it yourself, there's alot of issues in your life that make you feel like your missing out and that your life is boring. A girlfriend will NOT make those problems go away, only cover them up. Why? Because after living like this for so long, when a girl walks into your life, you wont be able to control your feelings towards her, ultimately sending her running for the hills.

Not being a dick, but if you were to enter a relationship at this point in your life, with your mindset like you need this relationship to validate yourself, it is inevitable. I know you want a great, beautiful girlfriend that will love you till the end of time. We all do. We also need to be a complete person ourselves before we can attract a woman of that caliber.
I can guarantee you if this part of your life was more fulfilled then you would not have such a strong urge towards meeting that perfect woman. Noone should be in a rush, the search is half the fun.

To go from being socially awkward to a social butterfly takes baby steps, you wont do it overnight but you do know that something has to change. There is so much life left to live, and you should feel proud of yourself that your starting to make that change TODAY. Right NOW. People go their whole lives in the same dull, depressed, lonely state waiting for a break in life. They marry the first woman that pays them the slightest attention and spend the rest of their days like that. You loved yourself enough to know thats not what you want. Good for you.

You need to drop this negativity about yourself. Those feelings toward your life are your biggest anchor. You look for any kind of validation to feel otherwise when you dont need to. The process of improving your life should be taken step by step and take your time. You dont need to become this perfect image of yourself tomorrow, but know that your well on your way of getting there. That alone should give you good feelings toward yourself.

Back to that mindset. Up until now, people have basically been running the show in your life if they so choose. Lets face it, if a beautiful woman came up to you tomorrow and said, "I'll be your girlfriend for life if you (Insert random bullshit favor)." Chances are, you would do it and expect the best. That is not being in control of yourself.

Being a man that shows initiative and stays to his beliefs and ideas about his life and the world around him is attractive...to men AND women. Notice I started that sentence with "Being a man", thats the very essence of being one.

There isnt anything wrong with feeling like you're in a rut now. Whats wrong is not doing anything about it. Whats wrong is retaining the same attitude you have towards your life. Think extremely hard, spend an entire day if you need to. Im POSITIVE you can think of pages of reasons to feel good about yourself. Your letting a desire to have something cloud your self-worth and that is a DANGEROUS thing.

Im so chatty on this topic because I was in the same boat not long ago. Im not a seasoned veteran at this stuff, im not a Master PUA, im just a guy that wanted a change in his life. Had I not taken situations around me by the balls and made the best out of them, god knows where I'd be. Throw away worrying about what people think of you. It's worthless. You might think this is counter-productive, but that shows a true strength of character. And that attracts everyone to you.

Even now, im still not where I want to be. Who knows when thats gonna be. All I know is im getting up everyday, even if it hurts, put a smile on my face and live my own life. I've gone from a super-duper AFC that worried about what every single person thought to being more centered and concerned with whats best for me. It's a truly liberating feeling.

Im still even awkward in social situations, but I'll be damned if thats gonna stop me.

I know this is a horrible scenario and I apologize if I offend anyone, but at my job there is a mentally handicapped guy that works in the stock room. He's one of the coolest guys you'd want to meet. Everyone loves him. He's socially awkward and a tad bit slow but everyone cant wait to talk to him. Why? Not because we laugh at him in front of him or behind his back, but because he has an infectious energy about him. He's a fun guy. You cant help but to like him. All the women that work there swarm over him, they love talking to him.

On the flip side, there's another guy that works in the back with me. This fellow is 6'2, athletic build, thick black hair and could possibly take up a modeling career if he wanted. Noone talks to this man. Not even the women. Why? He gives off a very cold and distant vibe all the time. When he speaks, he gives little emotion and doesn't try and converse. He is well spoken when he needs to be, there isnt any reason on the outside why he wouldn't be the most popular guy but regardless of looks he still isnt very liked.

Being a little awkward isn't the worst thing in the world. If your self conscious about it, go meet people and get out of your comfort zone. Stop using this as an excuse. Your whats holding you back, not your awkwardness.

Great post +1solteris

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Take your Ops.

Strangely enough I have a good friend who's been 'stuck' in this frame for a while.

In my opinion, and put very simply, women like guys with genuinely interesting/exciting lives. A good way to take advantage of this is to make your life interesting/exciting. I don't mean to sound flippant, I mean this as a true statement.

I used to be lacking in confidence, was shy, had few friends, and last Christmas had just split up with my long term girlfriend. I was in a bit of a mess.

NOW: Mondays after work I go to acting classes, Tuesdays salsa lessons, every other Wednesday Toastmasters (great for self confidence) I also do internet dating. Now I am finding there are not enough days in the week to meet up with all of my new friends, dates, and sort-of girlfriends I currently have. I am really having a great time.

In my humble opinion I would go and explore what life has to offer, find things to do locally. You'll be amazed at how quickly you can expand/push your comfort zone, and when you meet women they won't be able to stop you talking.. LOL

I know you'll be fine. Good luck on your journey, and have fun..

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not normally like that. I was having a bad week. That being said, I am glad that I vented. I got some really great advice. Since my post I have spent a lot more time on campus reconnecting with my old friends and trying to build my social circle. I now spend a lot more time away from home. I do my homework at school and hang out there more often. I figure the more Im out the more I make contact with people. I have started working out more. Like you said baby steps. I just need to improve my game with woman lol