what's the difference?are PUA's so affraid of love that they deny it?is oneitis the new definition for "love"?

What's the difference?how to know from witch condition are you "suffering"?

Oneitus is one of those vague and ambiguous definitions that PUAs use whenever they think it sounds right.

I've heard people say "I want to find my oneitus" only for another person to say "you want to become a needy, insecure person?" and an argument over this term then ensues.

You can also use it to one up someone or criticise someone. For example, someone posts a topic about a single girl, you can guarantee someone will be there to call "oneitus". If you begin to like a girl, some people will class it as oneitus and say it's skewing your judgement (which is partially true). If you force yourself to not like, then what is right?

To me, love is just a man made term for an obsession for someone. It doesn't mean you have to be insecure and needy though.

I don't think PUAs are afraid of love. It's just when you can be screwing three girls a week, why would you want to cut down to one? If you really like a girl though sometimes it's a good idea to just commit.

Love is not something you suffer, either.

OK OK I'll bite. In all seriousness, a PUA would probably have a better idea of what love actually is than an AFC would.

Love has its roots in abundance while oneitis is based on scarcity.

An AFC watches (insert your favorite animated Disney film here) and sees a hot girl. He convinces himself that he's "in love" when she smiles at him out of politeness after she catches him staring at her awkwardly. He's never gotten a smile from another girl before. He's in love!

Or, if you want an example that's less pathetic, take a look at this ridiculously common scenario:
1. AFC learns pickup
2. He successfully picks up a girl
3. He's in love!!!

If you haven't ever seen this happen, you have probably never coached anyone in pickup ever before. Ever. Seriously that shit happens so often I'm really surprised that this problem isn't addressed more often.

Does that kind of "love" really seem genuine to you? That's the kind of "love" that we're trying to warn people against. It's a feeling of attachment based on fear and desperation.

Now, compare the dude in the above scenario to a guy who's been with dozens and dozens of women. Let's say he finally meets a girl he "falls for." He doesn't know what it is, but something about this girl makes him feel different.

Maybe it's not love. Maybe he just HAPPENED to meet the first of many girls who can provide X, Y, and Z. Or maybe there's actually something SUPER SPECIAL and awesome about the synergy of him + her. Whatever it is, it sure as hell sounds closer to what "love" actually is than the die-hard-romantic-virgin's perspective.

Oneitis is not love. It's fear. Love sounds like the opposite of fear to me!

So you say choice is the factor,how much "power" do you need to know if you are in love?that way you could fall for every girl that's a better than what you can get.

What i mean,if you are AFC and get a 5,than you are in love,if you are a rAFC and get a 8 than you can see it as love,if you are a aPUA and get a 10 you can call it love to,and if you are a mPUA and get a super hot babe that makes sammiches,is a model and has everything you could even imagine....etc

There will be always a better girl,or younger,or hotter,so as a Pua when do you stop?or will you make the mistake of searching forever and in the end going with something less,because you wasted your youth?

Just a question...

Wow I used to understand it in a different way.

I thought that if the feelings were mutual that it was called love and if you are obsessed with someone that is not feeling the same or feels less then it is oneitis.

( I really don't like the last one)

But fear to fall in love is something that will lead you into worse paths than enjoying yourself with flirting and go with the flow. (If it happened so what?)

Most of my friends that they were avoiding to fall in love they had much worse experiences than others who were more open about it.

That's just an observation. I will appreciate your feedback in this.

I disagree. I think a person can love someone that doesn't (or at least doesn't anymore) reciprocate the love. I like your articulation of oneitis as obsession, though. I think that's right.

[quote="anonymousdt"][quote="a_girl_"]Wow I used to understand it in a different way.

I thought that if the feelings were mutual that it was called love and if you are obsessed with someone that is not feeling the same or feels less then it is oneitis.

( I really don't like the last one)

But fear to fall in love is something that will lead you into worse paths than enjoying yourself with flirting and go with the flow. (If it happened so what?)

Most of my friends that they were avoiding to fall in love they had much worse experiences than others who were more open about it.

That's just an observation. I will appreciate your feedback in this.[/quote]

I disagree. I think a person can love someone that doesn't (or at least doesn't anymore) reciprocate the love. I like your articulation of oneitis as obsession, though. I think that's right.[/quote]

I think the term oneitis is a negative one so I would use it for only the case that someone loves someone that is not interested.

This I would call it obsession.

If the feelings are mutual though I would call it passion

All good points, here's how I think about it.

AFC love is when you love the girl because of your ego. You "own" her, so long as the relationship is monogamous, and you have proven that you're a man by having a girlfriend. Your ego is on steroids. When she leaves, you get super depressed because now you feel worthless.

PUA love is different, because (as Chief said regarding abundance) you value a girl based on her merits, and don't need the ego boost, eliminating the neediness and obsession from the relationship, which is much healthier.

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Don't hate, just dominate.

I wouldn't say it's so much about finding a "better" girl as it is about finding a girl who really stimulates your compassion. As AFC Royal pointed out, oneitis (or "AFC love") is self-centered (ego) while love (or "PUA love") aint so selfish.

I'm not trying to imply that "true love" is something you can only feel with one soulmate. Of course you have the capacity to love many many people. I think you'll know it was love when you don't feel like you've wasted that time.

Enough of this mental masturbation, though. Go get laid lol

I think the initial question can NOT be really answered! If you check out all the responses, basically every one has a different definition on what is love and what is oneitis....

I think you have to discover it for yourself and define it.

Personally thou I found that oneitis is common to when you really like the girl and you can't really get her so you get obsessed over her and why doesn't she like you.

While love is more mutual and you have a connection and just feel really comfortable with the person. I feel love has to be mutual to feel that connection otherwise it's just an obsession over the girl...

But like I said you gotta discover it and define it for yourself !

Cheers mate

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V3nu

every one of us may have a different mental stereo-type of one-nitis...

for me it was when I found a girl that I wanted to spend every moment with and screw no one but her...I compared every other woman's physical traits to hers...I was threatened by losing her and was unable to accept uncertainty. This happened to me once and it was pretty much doomed from the beginning but I coudnt see that even after having such a solid success rate before her...I had met a serious match...we dated for over a year...I never truly felt comfortable in the relationship even after she told me she waned to have my children since I subconsciously felt it was emotional jargon...I knew deep inside it would end..she was a HB10 on numerous scales and the relationship was torture.

THAT WAS NOT LOVE although everyone who saw us on a daily basis would assume otherwise.

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less then you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people you care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that you hurt are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

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@freezeiztactical

Wow that was truly deep and smart!That sums it up and makes you think,thanks for commenting!

Love is NOT that feeling of finding a "special" girl. In fact, it may sound strange but often love is possible with a girl who did not seem very special to begin with. Finding a special girl is just that -- finding a special girl. After a while it may or may not become love.

Love is built from shared memories and connection over an extended period of time, to the point that neither of you can imagine life without the other. Love is when you adore something cute she does like say "biscuit" with a funny accent or stick out her pointy lizard tongue. Love is when your heart says "she is the one; I know it for a fact 100% sure" even though your brain knows that statistically speaking there are thousands of other HB's you could have bonded with, somewhere in the world.

And when it ends, it should feel like your heart was ripped out of your body and now dangling by thin strings from your fingertips. It should make you cry in such a way that your entire upper body is convulsing involuntarily. It should feel "wrong" in every way, like it was not meant to be.

And if you're still not over it in five months, it should be because you know that she would be happier with you than she is right now, AND you would be happier with her than you are now. It should be based on the good times you had, not your need to have a hot girlfriend. Ideally, you should be sleeping and dating around to verify that your feelings are persistent.

But of course relationships and girls' brains are extremely complicated, and we have to play the game just to get her back.

I am an AFC, so I have not yet had the opportunity to sleep and date around and see if my feelings persist... So honestly, I welcome any opinion and don't mind harsh criticisms about my post.

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My DHV: http://www.maxloh.com/non-classicalpiano
My ambition: http://www.maxloh.com/soundtracks