I pretty sure most of us has experienced this problem getting IOI's from the obstacle.
Sometimes being nice to the obstacle can back fire on you.Or she could be jealous of the attention your showing the target.It's even worse when your in a 2 set.Just 2 night's ago I was in a 2 set and asked the obstacle is she cool with me hitting on her friend and she started hitting on me.Thank goodness she looked just as good as her friend but,what if she was ugly.lol

No matter what the reason I just would like to know how to disarm them without hurting them,should I even give a damn about that?

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There is no such thing as failure only learning lesson's, and in life class is always in session.

That's the job of your wing to come in and grab her attention.

If you just grab your target and say "hey I'm gonna borrow your friend for a minute cuz we didn't get a chance to talk" isolate her and build comfort, the obstacle will get the message and allow her friend, if she's having fun, to talk to you.

The fact that you're creating this jealousy is a good thing, it means you're doing well!

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