Ofcourse, my girlfriend wants me to express my interest in her. She may even want to hear me say "I love you". But, is it ever a good idea to let her know that I am helplessly in love with her? That I beleive I could spend the rest of my life with her? Sure, this will make her feel good and validated, but will it ever make her feel more attracted to me? Doesn't this take away all of the challenge for her?

I don't know. It's frustrating not being able to tell a girl that I love her more than anything.

Look, there's a big difference between to let her know that you love her and to let her know that you are helplessly in love with her.
In the first case you are a high-valued man, who shares his love with everybody, no matter if this is your girlfriend or your friend or mother... In the second case you acts like a low-valued man, who thirsts for her approval, looks for her attention, love.
In the first case she will feel good, in the second case that will take away all of the challenge for her.

So, feel free to tell her "I love you" but only when you really feel she deserves it. And one more thing: Don't only repeat "I love you" "I love you" "I love you" every time... Explain her for what you love her.
- I love you, darling. I love you for your tender voice when you speak to me... And so on

Jupiterbomber,
Depends a little bit howlong your relationship is. First months it's a No-no to say I love you. After a few months you should say it once in a while to make sure you reassure to the girl your feelings.

Riqueza.

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It's not nessacery to be strong but to feel strong.

Wrong. How many months is it a no-no to say I love you? 1 month? 3 months? 6 months? And after the no-no period how often is your "once in a while"? Once a day? Or maybe on weekends only?

So, once more. It doesn't depend on howlong your relationship is. It only depends on how you feel. Feel strong and share your love with your girls. Tell them how you love them, kiss them, hug them, make them out . But don't beg for their love. Don't be needy...

It's not done to say it EVERYTIME, there are these couples they say everyday: I love you... next day they are seperate.. Why? Because they lied to themselves.

And saying I love you in the first 2 months... if you really want a number, does sound very needy. Like I love you and never let you go blablabla that kind of bullsjit.

By not saying you love them makes guessing, saying you love will make them feel you're in the pocket... Basics of pick-up school. Feel free to say what you want...

And by not saying I love you, you don't have to restrict yourself in not hugging, kissing, making love.

Riqueza.

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It's not nessacery to be strong but to feel strong.

lol yes man,but you being needy in the relationship,you won't be very congruent if you hide it too much
tell her in a romantic moment,after you felt good with her.just don't do it to calm a argue
again,don't put too much value if you say it.if you think about it as if you are about to lose power,guess what...

just went through something similar. I truly am in love and I do think of marrying this girl but i went to hard with it. I love you babe, ill love you forever this and that blah blah blah. It was needy and it always left me up set because she didnt return it. Not because she doesnt love me, but because she didnt belive me. She actually thought i was just giving her lines. It upset me but i understand why. Tell her you love her, but dont be over dramatic with it. I love you babe. Almost as if to say duhh of course i love you, your the best. I completely understand the desire to tell her how much you love her and think about her and this and that, but the game is objective. No matter what, it will always be there and you gotta play it or you lose.

When in a relationship you're pretty much on your own.
As in my case ... I like to wait until she says it first, and if I don't feel it I won't say it.
She confessed first that she loves me and is truly in love with me, that I've been the first and she wants me to be the last.
Now, I do love her, and when I tell her "I love you" its honest and it means something.
I guess the main sticking point in a relationship is not to become needy, and say it because you want to say it, not to get more attention from her. Don't say it expecting an "I love you" back ...

Look man, I'll tell you this after my first time falling for a girl and getting burned.

I learned from that one mistake and I incorporated that knowledge into my other two long term relationships in which I had the upper hand; they craved my attention, even to this day.

Women inherently this desire to try and "change" you. As soon as they think they have the upper hand and you hang from every word they say, the relationship is "dull" and "its just not the same as it was when you were first dating".

All relationships are dynamic; there are high points and low points and riding them out is all you can do at the low points; if you find someone special, run with it, but stay in control.

Hope that helps amigo!

-Ragu

i tell a girl i love her pretty much on the first date. of course, i sneak it in. when she tells me something cool about herself i say, 'oh my god i love you! that is so cool that you do that!!' sometimes i'll even just say it, in a joking way at first of course, when we're hanging out teasing, and playing around, and pretend its nothing and she'll be like, what! you love me? and im like yea why not? i love everybody, or, yea, your my true love its only you babe.. but of course we're in the playful mindset and we're pretending. and the magic of it is that very quickly you'll both find it comfortable to say to each other without it being a big deal or meaning anything special. of course, if you want it to mean something more, you can easily change it to mean something more. its all about the meaning that you put on it, and you can put any meaning you want on it any time you want.

sounds like your problem is that you think saying 'i love you' is like all important and sacred. and the more importance you place on it, the harder it is to say. if you put no importance on it whatsoever, you can say it right away just like you say anything else, and then automatically you are saying it to each other.

JupiterBomber, I'm gunna be speaking from experience more than the knowledge of the game here (but not excluding it).

I think you're placing to much emphasis on keeping the relationship a challenge for her. I agree, to prevent a stale relationship the dynamics have to be just that - dynamic - but dont keep her guessing when it comes to actually admitting you love a girl.

I like to remember the first time a girl told me she loved me (pre-community btw) and that feeling that she made me endure (happiness, relief etc) then imagine thats how she'll feel when you tell her. Smile when you say it, sincerely, not jokingly, it adds to the feeling that your being honest.

Addressing the issue of how many times? how often? etc. Dont throw it in once a day for the sake of it. Do it when something nice has happened; you've just finished a romantic meal she cooked, its her birthday, its your birthday (if you recieved a good present ). Refrain from using it after sex, it comes across as fake. That is, unless your laid in bed sharing an [hour long] moment.

Hope this helps




GrifterUK

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- The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed

- You make your own luck

When you feel it dont push it girls dont like guys too sensitive.

I think that you should definitely be able to tell her how much you are in love with her.