| Hello to everyone out there. I think a short introduction should be in order, so; I'm a young male with some issues regarding a particular girl, and would love to have a bit of input. I've read The Game and a few other literary works on the subject of personal attitude, and so far I'm enjoying the information. I admit I've been bad at actually applying myself out there, but I have never felt that I had problems with girls socially. I've been good friends with girls in the past, and also been rather flirtatious with some, but being 19 I still haven't had a real girlfriend. I'm also a virgin.
I know that I'll probably be told I have some sort of one-itis, and it's probably true. However I'd like to explain the situation anyway, so here goes.
I have three friends that are initiates in the PUA society, one of them being more advanced than us in most ways. That one friend is far closer to me than the two others, and he's the only one I've been talking with about everything regarding PUA.
I first met this girl through the girlfriend of one of my best friends. We were invited to a smaller party at her apartment, and the first impression I got of her was good. I believe I managed to give off a good first impression as well, and I know I wasn't clingy or desperate in any way since first of all I didn't even know she existed until now, second of all she lived in a city quite a distance away. I thought of her as a nice girl, but that was it.
Then later we were invited to the summerhouse of my best friend's girlfriend, where I and my socially superior PUA were both invited (the girl too). We had spent some time talking about this girl, and we'd both agreed that whoever got into a relationship with her would deserve a pat on the back of the other friend. Me knowing that I kind of was second ranked, didn't really expect anything, and also, she was still living too far away for any of us having anything serious going on. Of course, nothing happened, and we all had a good time at the summerhouse.
Very soon after that we went to a summercamp, where me, the PUA friend I just talked about and then the second of my PUA friends, whom I don't know that well, and the girl all attended. On the trip there she was giving both me and my "superior" friend IoIs, when we came down there she kind of hanged around with other people she knew there already, on the trip back she mostly spent time with the second friend. Constantly giving IoIs, which I guess is just her personality.
Now there's a long period where none of us really talks to her, however my superior friend has her number and is texting her now and then. I know that he's good at texting, so he did build attraction. However what he comes to realize is that after meeting her again at a party, she is too shy to talk about the personal stuff that they've been texting about, and so the conversations at the party was dead-beat and boring (I was there). I talk to him about it, and he basically says that she's a nice girl, but he isn't interested.
This kind of turns on a green light in my head, realizing that perhaps then I could give it a go. My interactions with this girl so far has mainly been passive, I haven't contacted her and haven't asked for her number or anything, but I still feel she is special in the way that I'd actually like to know her better (I know this is probably a very good description of a HUGE one-itis, but please hear me out).
I realize at some point that the reason the girl might have been most interested in my second friend on the trip back from the summercamp was that he was perfectly aware that both of us were interested in the girl at the time, and such he was the most passive and laid-back of us. That might have attracted her, but as I voice this to my "superior" friend, he says that, well, he did talk a lot to her. And she seemed genuinely interested in this guy. However what he proceeds to say is that this second friend is so awfully bad at online "gaming" that he wouldn't be able to withhold a relationship. Somewhere in there I feel that my main rival has thrown in the towel, while the rest of the "competition" is weaker than me. Some of you will probably think that we're not really good friends if we're competitive about a girl, and perhaps you're right.
Anyway, what happens next is that this girl moves to the city we all live in. My superior friend is in the army and such isn't there to talk to, so I'm pretty much alone in this mess. She contacts the few people she knows, including the second friend. He asks one day if we can watch a movie at my place (we do that regularly) and that she would also like to join, however I wasn't able to at the time and such declined. I didn't hear anything else about it, so I'm pretty sure they weren't able to plan anything. At this stage I'm not really involved with this girl, all I got is her as a friend on facebook.
Nothing more would probably have happened, except I meet her at a party and we talk a little, but it's minimal. She has to go suddenly and doesn't say goodbye, so I don't really think more about it. But I realize that I have some spare time off and I am still somewhat interested in this girl, so I start practicing my facebook messaging.
This has been going on about a week now, and so far I feel successful. I have a somewhat C/F style, I keep negging her a lot (and I do that when I meet her in person as well), and so far she has seemed interested.
Anyway, I approached her first by talking a bit about her new living situation. She isn't too happy about moving to a new city with no contacts, and at one point she says she doesn't want to bother the few people that she does know. I instantly ask if she doesn't know me, and when she says that well, of course she does, I tell her that she hasn't even talked to me! And then I tell her that I was disappointed that she left the party without even saying goodbye to me. This opens her up, and the first thing she says is that she doesn't even have my number. After giving it up, I declare that the cost of my number is x digits, she can choose which ones herself. I feel quite happy about the exchange because first of all I didn't make a big deal out of it, and even though I gave up my number first, I think it was slightly original and funny.
From this on we've been talking both via texts and over facebook pretty much every day. I realize that one of my first mistakes is that I've made myself too available. However besides that, I think I've been able to talk to her in a way that's been keeping her interested. When she doesn't reply instantly, I don't. If she doesn't answer, I simply wait or go and do something else (or continue what I was most likely doing at the time). One time she fell asleep right after receiving a text, it took three hours before she answered, and I didn't really fuzz over it. So I believe I've been successful in being both laid-back and most importantly not desperate.
Now here my dilemma starts. We've been talking about doing something, concluding in watching a couple of movies one night. I didn't press it at all, rather we kept talking for two days after she first brought it up where we discussed what movie(s) we could watch, and then from there talked about other stuff. Then one day we compare our schedules for the day, where she's been mostly sleeping whereas I have been working out and cleaning. Challenging her laziness, I dare her to jog with me. She replies back that first of all she's sick, second of all, noone should ever see her jogging because it would be too embarassing. I tell her that at least she would be able to take a walk then, and this she agrees to. I know that I've been pressing a bit so the second she agrees I stop talking about it, and then we text for an hour more or so before she asks when/where she should meet me. I didn't bring it up, so I take it as an IoI that she actually wants to meet me somewhere and take a walk. So we do, and she starts telling me about lots of personal stuff, and I feel like I'm able to act relaxed and interested. We got into the topic of blackouts where we were talking about alcohol, parties and embarassing morning-afters, so even though the conversation is rather humoristic, I would say it has some degree of sexuality in it.
This was the first time I had a real private conversation with her, and I feel that she trusted me with personal information that she wouldn't have gone about telling everybody. We did also get eyecontact regularly during the conversation, so I feel that she was genuinely interested. All in all, I think it was a successful first meeting after not having seen each other for so long. However we didn't have kino whatsoever, so it was more like a "hey, nice talking to you" walk than a "hey, i'd like to do more than talk" walk. Not that I was expecting anything else.
We agree to watching movies the next day, when she asks who we should invite. This is where the "alarm bell" first goes off, because at once I'm curious as to who she is considering. She blows it off by saying she has no idea really, she doesn't know anyone, and so I say I'll call some friends and see who's available. I realize now that what I should have done was do that and nothing more, but I call around, and the only guy able to make it is that second friend of mine.
I knew that there might be something between them, at least a spark of interest, but after the previous day and the week of texting I felt pretty sure that she would be more interested in me than him after such a long while. I was wrong - kind of.
They didn't talk much at all really, and in the start of the evening I was throwing negs at her and making humoristic conversation. I felt a good vibe and that this was good, however when faced with a choice she chose to lean towards him rather than me on the sofa-like beds I got. I didn't really care that much, because I knew that I wouldn't be jealous and that after all there was a pillow between them, they weren't exactly lieing on top of each other. The night went on and nothing changed much, I made her laugh a few times commenting the films and we had a good time. However as it got late we all got tired, and my second friend was the only one with a blanket. He made a very, very smart move, but one that I hadn't anticipated that she would accept. Basically he laid there under his white blanket saying he was warm and cozy like a polarbear, and she wanted a blanket as much as anyone. The room was cool and it was late. At this point he was lying at a different end of the sofa, so she complained about having to move (which is I guess what girls do not to seem cheap), but after a while she did go over there and laid next to him. They cozied up and got real close, whereas they just rested for a while.
I kind of felt like the third wheel on a bicycle right there and then, and I wasn't sure what to do exactly. I took a short bathroom break, and after that I came back and announced that they either had to sleep over or start moving home, because I had to get up for work the next day. This was done in a calm way, and they were both aware that I had to work, so it wasn't like I suddenly tried to throw them out. However I did feel really uncomfortable.
When they left she gave me a quick hug, but I felt it was half-assed. Maybe my head was just screwing with me right there and then, but it almost pissed me off a bit. This is the first kino we've had in a long time. As opposed to in the very start when we first met where she practically hugged me every time we met and left each other.
Anyways, the next day I was really unsure how to react. I first decided that if she was really interested in me she would contact me first, because she has a bad habit of never initiating a conversation. However I felt like not talking to her would perhaps be perceived as strange, because after all I have no reason to stop talking to her so suddenly. So what I said was "thanks for a good time yesterday", whereas she apologized that she had fallen asleep. I don't know if this is a good sign or not, but obviously she was pretty tired. However I still feel a bit unsure of how the relationship between her and my second friend is. Anyway, I just told her that it wasnt a problem, but that I had to leave for work.
When I got home she contacted me on facebook first, where we basically kept talking about random stuff like we've been doing so far. Right now I have no idea if I am in a position to start building some attraction (because I think I've perhaps failed at that) or just forget about her. It seems that she isn't really having contact with my second friend, but I don't want to be the middleman for hooking them up when I'm interested in her myself. Maybe she considers me as nothing more than a friend, and I know I would be able to work my way out of that situation, but I'm not sure I would be able to if she already started getting physical with that friend of mine. I could probably isolate her and try to do stuff us two alone, but she is a social person and I don't want to portray that I don't have any friends. I would probably have to knock the buying temperature up quite a few notches before I'd get away with us two doing stuff alone as well.
I guess that pretty much sums it up. If any of you actually manage to read through this wall of text I'd be grateful for any responses, however simply typing it might have organized my thoughts, so I don't think it's a waste nevertheless. I know that I want to have a relationship with this girl, but I am not willing to ruin a friendship. However I'm also pretty sure that the two of them would not be able to have a relationship because, as my superior friend said himself, my second friend isn't really able to make conversation in a way to keep her interested.
Edit: Moved it to another section as I see it to fit better there.
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