I'll skip the story, but I haven't been put into this situation before so I'm seeking some help on how to approach it.

I've offered support for her like any boyfriend, but I have made it clear to her that I can't fully get her through this and that she needs 3rd party help. The issue is that she doesn't want to talk about it with, let's say, a therapist or a counselor. She won't report it to the police because she believes it's useless. The rapist used a condom, therefore she believes that she doesn't need to get checked up; but i still think she does just for the sake of making sure there's nothing wrong.

She's depressed and feels worthless - this is the only thing I believe that I can somewhat help with. She also doesn't want to have sex or for me to touch her, which I respect because she's undergoing a lot physically and mentally (i didn't ask for sex incase you're curious to know if i'm a douche ) In the end, I think a professional is truly the only way to help her past this horrible experience.

If anyone has undergone such a situation, or if anyone wants to leave some advice, then please do because I feel somewhat useless.

I'm truly sorry for you, it's a really hard situation, not only on your girlfriend, but also on you..

I've been so unfortunate that i've experienced this twice; once with my ex girlfriend, and once with my best ladyfriend.

I remember that i felt almost excactly like you did, simply overhvelmed and in the darkness..


Try keep her in motion, take her out for dinner, for the movies, always do something, and be with her as often as you can, she needs to be in motion.. Always be there for her, it's crucial. I also suggest you talking to her friends, - make them keep her in motion. Hopefully, with time as a healer she will slowly start to open up to you, talk to you, and become more open to a doctor, but this is a matter that heals with time.

Other than that? How are you holding up? I remember it was a thing that truly consumed me, when it happend to my girlfriend. Make sure you have good friends that take care of you, and people that you can talk to..

PM me if there's anything .. It's a truly terrible thing, hope everything works out!

Dude, that is terrible.

I just want to chip in and say good on you for not reacting in the selfish way that many guys do (I did, when I was younger and dumber in a similar situation). That is, letting your anger and feelings of helplessness drive you to try and take control of the situation or worse yet entertain thoughts of vengeance and the like.

You are so right that professional help would be a huge positive for her, better yet you also seem to grasp that trying to force any course of action on her is not going to advance your cause. Maybe remind her that she could pursue medical attention and or counseling with complete confidentiality, especially if she doesn't want to engage law enforcement, she can get help without setting other things in motion. I would reinforce the fact that she is in control of how things move forward, and that you support her unconditionally.

Basically I'm saying you seem like an awesome guy, keep supporting her, don't feel useless because you are the furthest thing from that right now. The fact that she told you shows an incredible amount of trust, you're already making a difference for her, keep being the man you are.

Best of luck to both you

I dated a girl who got gang raped 3 years ago. She's still far from OK. Some of the problems are:

* She's disappointed with justice. They caught the guys, but couldn't nail them for the lack of evidence. Unfortunately, I really think that your girlfriend is right in that probably this guy is gonna walk. They usually do. But I think she'll feel better in the future for at least having made it harder for the guy to continue doing what he's doing. The more people that reports the same guy, the greater the chance that they'll nail him. However small, it's worth it the shot. Also, reporting is a way of making a stand - she does not accept this and she refuses to feel ashamed for it. Both those points are very important for her to make both to others and to herself!

* She's disappointed with some of her friends, who weren't there for her enough. It's hard for people though. I know; I had a friend who got cancer. However much I wanted to be there for him, I didn't know what to say - and as time passed, I felt more and more guilty, making it harder and harder for me to be there for him. The same is probably gonna happen with some of her friends, don't let it happen with you.

* She feels disgusting sometimes, even though she knows at some level that she's beautiful.

* She's very hard on herself. Any time she receives a compliment, she will credit something external for it. For example "you did really good in the horse riding competition" -> "ah, well, I have such a great horse". Little things like that, all the time. She never give herself any kind of credit. Also, whenever she does really good at something, like an exam for example, she beats herself up for not doing even better.

* She has short, ultra-intense relationships with both dates and friends. She's not good at taking care of relationships.

* She seeks constant attention. This means for example that she always want people around, and she always posts statuses on facebook that she knows will render responses: "Super drunk last night, had to argue with the taxi driver to get him to drive me home instead of to the ER", "Warning sign of the day: The bouncer knew exactly what I need to get fixed on my car", "Captain Morgan and lace underwear", "I'm bored, anyone wanna fuck me?", stuff like that. Not good stuff, but it gets her some attention.

* She pushes away anyone who tells her the things that she needs to hear. She surrounds herself with people who will follow her on her self destructive adventures, or who will initiate them.

* Since lately, she has started going out drinking virtually every night.

I know that this does probably not make you feel better. But this is the kind of things that may come out of this. I can't even begin to say how important it is to start working on this. It will be hard enough to do this with the aid of professionals, but it's impossible without. She really needs someone who is unbiased and disconnected. It will probably feel really weird and uncomfortable in the beginning, but she'll grow confident with it, for sure. Maybe it can be arranged for you to follow her to the first few meetings? Maybe you can go see the same therapist every once in a while, making it a joint therapy. You may actually need it too, because your job is not gonna be easy.

And hey, give her space. This is really important. If she doesn't want to be touched, just be near. If she wants you to, just hug. Say nothing if she doesn't wanna talk, listen whenever she does. However, gradually, you'll need to start talking, at least about how she can never, ever blame herself or accept to believe that what this guy did to her is OK. Also, you need to get her into therapy. But give her space to start with.

Good luck, and you can PM me too if you want to talk about anything.

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Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

Also, she has no idea who she is. She was 17 at the time, and since not too long after this happened , she's never been single (until two months before I met her). She has always been defined by her boyfriends, who haven't really been good to her. The first one (I think it was the first one) used to beat her up. I think that the loss of self-esteem made her accept this kind of SPAM, and left her unable to say "I don't want a boyfriend right now" in the first place.

Dude. You're not a PUA right now. It's great that you're doing this for your girlfriend. Don't give in. There's nothing more important than helping her get straight with this. You've just been assigned the most important job in the world.

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Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

Are you the only one she's told this too? Was this an acquaintance rape? You need to tell someone close to her like her parents yeah she'll be angry at you for a while but so what.

Right now she's not doing herself or anyone else who could be a potential victim a favor. She definitely needs to go to the hospital. YOU NEED to Go here http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/ its the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline call their number they have professionals who can better help you deal with this situation.

This situation just makes me mad

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

All I can say is that you're an awesome guy that you're helping her through this.

Best of luck to you.

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I would like to be there for her as often as I can but my life isn't exactly solid at the moment. I'm somewhat in a daze since I'm constantly being told that she will cause more harm than good to me if i stay with her. Yet, now that this event has occurred, I feel more so responsible for helping her through a tough time.

In regards to this event, quite a few of my friends and family are skeptical that it actually occurred which doesn't give either of us much support. The reason why they're skeptical is that whenever we fought/argued and ended in a "break up", she would always come back with some sort of crisis which would have just occurred. This plays with my mind a bit making me wonder if she's lying to keep me around or not. As much as I wish this was a lie, I don't think it is based on the severity of the crisis and the way she acts now (unless she can act damn well).

She's considered the idea of medical attention and possibly reporting it to the police, but not without resistance. The way this girl thinks isn't exactly what I call your norm, so that could be the reason why she doesn't believe the former actions are necessary. One of her reasons is that she doesn't want to force herself to think about that night. I understand where she's coming from but I also believe that some actions are necessary though they might not be the most enjoyable. Both our parents are telling her to do the former actions, but she feels like she's being pressured. I've decided to let her choose on her own time when to do these. This could be foolish of me but I respect her space and I want to show that I'm the last person who's trying to pressure her.

She needs to get checked up and see a psyciatrist, this will effect her for some time.

Coffee

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"At the end of the day these are women's lives we're dealing with, not mere entertainment."

"We are what we repeatedly do. excellence therefore is a habit and not an act."

Terrible! Just terrible!

I would say that she needs to see a psychologist and she needs to go to the police.

This is something that if it doesnt get out now it is gonna grow inside and she is gonna have all kinds of problems later on in life. You are a great guy man, support her, let her take her time and see to her needs.

I am truly sorry for her.

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Forcing herself to think about that night is exactly what she needs to do. I understand that she doesn't want to, but there is no avoiding it. The longer she waits, the harder it will be.

This kind of things makes me so mad. If only the guys who did things like this would know just how much they destroy another person's life, they would (hopefully) never do it. It makes me want to go out to schools telling young guys about the girl that I had the chance to get to know. It would probably get them thinking and talking to other guys.

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Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

I realized it was an unhealthy relationship at a certain point, but I still gave her a chance. Well, the relationship is now over since we got into a large fight. This means that I won't be the one to watch over her anymore. Hopefully someone else can keep her on track.

I do want a healthy relationship. Even though this one was unhealthy, it was still very intriguing for me.

Regarding inner issues, this could be true. I've noticed that my inner core isn't as good as I once believed it was and that this relationship tested it vigorously. I definitely don't enjoy the drama, i mean who would? This crisis is one of the few dramatic events thats occurred. The thing is, subconsciously it feels as if i somewhat enjoy the drama. A healthy relationship would be great with your usual ups and downs. This one, which I would label unhealthy, had huge ups and downs to the extremes. At the moment, I can't tell if I could last in a healthy relationship because it might seem...dull (I know this sounds stupid and ridiculous, but hey that's how I feel at the moment). I haven't been in a healthy relationship so I have yet to actually determine this.

I don't want to try an discredit anyone because I don't know the situation, but one study found that roughly 97% of rape victims are raped by someone they know, and roughly 60% of those rapes occur (depending on what study you credit) by someone the victim has had, or will have intercourse willingly with in the past or future. Usually someone the victim has been on several dates with, this is by far the most common situation women are raped in.
You said in your initial post the rapist wore a condom? I'm just a bit confused how this would play out. Did the rapist hold her at gun/knife point while putting on the condom? This would make him a violent rapist, and he would have a VERY long prison sentence to think it over.
If this is not the case, you may want to take a minute to contemplate this. Many times the women make bad decisions, such as cheating (or make the situation up) and this is the reason they don't want to report it. If this was truly a rape in ANY sense of the word, SHE NEEDS TO REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY! A rapist will almost always rape again. Even if there was not enough evidence to convict, the complaint will stay on his record, so if he does it again, he will probably be found guilty.
I'm just playing devil's advocate, and maybe I missed something because I skimmed, but something doesn't ad up.

That's exactly what I've been told by others. When I think about it, I do wonder as well how he had time to put on a condom...