Hi Guys, first time posting for me, so here goes.

I met the girl in question a few months ago. We, got on really well with each other and went out for a few dates. In that time I noticed she had some scars on her arms, I asked her about them and found out that was where she used to cut herself. My initial thoughts were to do a runner, but she said that was in her past. She was mostly ok now, although she explained she was bipolar and did suffer from manic and depressive episodes.

Anyway, we ended up having sex on the 2nd date and then again on the 3rd date. Everything seemed to be going pretty well.
Time went by and we didnt see much of each other for a few weeks, she had work to do and I had some exams to get sorted as well as training for an Ironman.This is where our "relationship" if you can call it that kinda changed.

She went from being a nice outgoing person to being completely introverted. I didnt hear from her for a couple of weeks at all. I text her about twice and called a couple of times. No reply. In the end I sent her an email saying basically thanks for the memories, was nice to meet you etc. I got an email back later saying she wasnt so great and that she had basically been in hiding had been feeling very depressed .

I managed to arrange a date with her about a week later and we had a really good time. Bit wierd at the end of the date when she wouldnt even kiss me as she explained it was a bit too much and that she needed to sort herself out and needed friends right now, more than anything.

The week after that it went downhill again, when went on antipsychotics for a few days to help her mood swings, these didnt work for her though and she came off them after a few days.

At the moment I want to be with her, but she needs to sort herself out. She has her mum and dad regularly visit her twice a week as that is how worried they are about her. I have texted and spoken to her quite a lot and keep offering her cool things to do, like coming to the zoo with me, going for a drink or going shopping. All of these have kind of been rebuffed. The thing is, I want to be there for her and give her an outlet something to do etc, but I dont want to come across as needy. Where do you draw the line ? I guess I do have oneitis, what do you recommend I do in order to salvage something ?

Thanks

I have a sister with bipolar disorder. If this girl is troubled now, there isn't much that will change unless she seriously educates herself about her condition and seeks the proper professional help / medication. It's unfortunate, but I can say it really will not change without her initiative.

I have dealt with a few myself. Being a little crazy I attracted the crazies! If it starts to become a strain on you, distance yourself. The only thing you can do is like you said, be there without being needy. Extend the invitation to hang out again and if she rejects it, let it be. If you are seriously concerned with her well being, obviously contact her parents or someone who can help.

Anyone object to that advice?

I may well be going against the grain here but so what if you look needy? You are helping her out as you care for her and like her. As long as you are helpin her so what if it comes across as needy? (although I dont think it does cos you call her and talk to her about her so she will understand)

this girl i like has been goin through a bit of crap especially last week but i called her everyday and we would talk for an hour or two every night. She knows its not me bein needy but me being there for her and encouraging her.

youre doin the same. youre only needy I think if you are wanting her to come out for you to be happier and you cant have fun without her etc etc etc

Honestly I hate to be a dick but...GTFO as soon as possible, why u ask?
1.First off she has a mental issue, theres plenty of normal ones out there.
2. She wont be gamed normally, lets just say normal pua stuff becomes less reliable.
3. Do not start helping her, Yes its nice that you are wanting to help but u 2 arent dating and you are not in friendd zone. This will put u in the wierdest place ever, its unnatural.
4. When u do invariably start helping/saving her, you will grow an attatchment to the helping and wanting her to get better, yet u'll want to date her. This will cause many a problems in your head.

Trust me Ive done it, its horrible, It causes problems that dont even exist in the normal dating world. Uve quoted things that have happened to me and shes said.
1. you will start to help
2. you will start having deep talks about her pain, it will ellicit this dangerous emotion called compassion, it create an enormous amount of care.
3. you will start saying u will wait for her till shes all better
4. no matter what you do you will not save her, this is a black hole...all the care in the world cannot fill her pain,
5. she will start to suck the emotion out of you making u sad.
6. she will do irrational things that make no sense what so ever, this will make u go wtf. u will rationalize it as its just her disorder, ull let her get away with shit out of care.
7. u forget that she is a woman and letting her get away with shit makes her start to not respect u even if you are doing it for the right reasons the best reasons, true care.
8. you will try to reason her, ask her why she does said things that make no sense, all she can say is its my disorder im srry
9. you will suffer with her so much that you start to remind her of the suffering-hence you accidently anchored yourself to negative emotions .
10. Some guy who she meets who wont help her and doesnt really give a shit about her shows her some fun and sweeps her off her feet out of no wheres.
11.You are left with caring a shit ton and feeling betrayed.
12. she invariably will come back into your life say shes sorry she didnt kno waht she was doin and suck even more care out of you, and continue acting irrational.
13. Now you are so f'd in the head you actually have mind problems.

LOL or perhaps Im over exaggerating but remember attraction and love do not come from caring, this caring can give u the illusion that you are attracted and perhaps even in love, this can even give her the illusion but she will act irrational.

i can give u psych articles that worn about the dangers of this. here is a quote from one of these articles

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Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

Thanks for the replies so far guys. I would GTFO but she is pretty awesome when she is "normal". I think I will leave her to her own devices for a week or two, then re initiate contact and see how things go from there. Not an easy one...

lol they usually are, but theres lots of great girls who are always normal

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Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

I agree with Jelly. This is something that you can't solve and she probably wont change too much even though you invest so much effort into it. I havent got a lot extra to add to Jellys post as I think that covers basically everything.

This is going to cause you emotional pain and take your time away from meeting other cool girls. There are plenty of girls out there... dont just settle go for the one you like who will be good to you. By good I mean a girl that is secure and who is reasonably predictable in her emotions.

You cant "fix" her.

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I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. ~Winston Churchill