Girl sitting to me at Starbuck. She opened me about how to get Internet. I used something I learned in a self improvement group - how to talk openly about what you feel in the moment. it's a cool fun way to connect with people and build relationships. my fourth sentence to this girl was

me: i feel nervous
her: why do you feel nervous?
me: because i never talk to people at starbucks
her: oh i go to starbucks but i never talk to people here too.
me: oh so you are not nervous now, just calm?
her: yeah.. (smile. some pride in her face. also she is more relaxed now)

(we end up having a three hour conversation, she leaves and comes back to sit next to me.. i ask if she wanna go play pool and she says no. so then i decide not to email or number close.)

Lessons:
Talk about feelings in the moment, it lets the girls warm up to you and allows you to connect
Do not offer an activity, do not ask probing questions, just go for number close.
Always follow up when a girl opens you. Girls usually dont open you unless they want a convo.

Met PUA for instruction at a nightclub. Opened two tables and a two set next to us. Openers:

Table #1
My friend dared me to come up and talk to you.
Oh we are on our way out

Table #2
You two look bored. My friend over there (point to bar) dared me to come up and talk to you.
oh really who is your friend? what do you do for work? blah blah I work in ___
What do you do for work?
oh i just... count money. but i wanna be a child life specialist
Oh I've seen a child life specialist at a hospital on a pediatric floor. You'd be good it at.
(smile) oh really why?
You have a playful quality about you. blah blah oh can i get your number?
(awkward pause and i laught it off and leave)

Two set
My friend and I were just talking about how intimidating it is to talk to you..
oh really?? why??? leads to good conversation, my wing isolates her female wing, but mess it up by saying "my friend is a dating coach. did he hit on you yet?"

Second time out with two PUAs

Two Set #1
"oh is that a doctor's bag?"
no are you a doctor?
no i work there and there. (leads to a good convo and they laugh)

Two Set #2
What language are you guys speaking, Polish?
no bolgarian
(i point to their Armani Exchange bag) oh that is obvious only us Europeans like this brand.. laugh it off bail out

Sticking Points:
verbal difficulty: fishing for words, saying awkward things, convo flow not smooth, not sure what to ask, and faking interest in what they are saying
body language - hold beer bottle close to chest so arms are closed (learned to let my arms hang by my sides including the arm with the beer makes me look more social), i look down when i open a set (learned to look slightly away and plant feet firmly)
posture - i slouch (solution is i have been doing pull ups four times a day for two weeks. it fixed my posture because the muscle tone in my back holds my back straight efortlessly now and i look more buff)


3rd night out

Five set:
I open the really big girl but who is kinda cute (nice hair, pretty laugh, kinda interesting personality),

why do you come to this bar - to talk to people, to dance, to drink? you do not dance?

no i am watching the bags for my friends

i dont dance cuz i am self conscious. blah blah (10 minute convo)
(her friends come back and she talks to them. i interrupt them and call her by her name)
Rachel that guy over there (point, make gesture like i am wearing a cap, copy his hands to make it funny) what do you think about his look. (the big girl is kind of at a loss for words anxious maybe but her friends get excited and all wanna jump in, they are very curious, this blonde girl says ahh he is ok but you are cuter and she kinda rubs her boobs against my chest. so i shake her hand and say my name is John. the friends leave and this girl and i have a 20 minute convo. she initiates kino by standing near me, so her boobs touch my chest and talking in my ear cuz the bar is loud, and i escalate by bumping her shoulder, shaking her hand)
blonde: i sell insurance and i work 5 days a week
me: (half a hug around her shoulder and pull my head in) yeah your life sucks Rachel haha (was it a neg?)

Sticking points:

Kino - i am afraid of kino. the girl opened me and she probably wanted a hug. i have a fear of hugs and fear of touching a girl and it being socially inappropriate it offending the girl. i should have given her a hug and when the convo got boring i should have given her my hand like lets dance and let her dance with me. also i got my phone out to show her the name of a dj that i wrote down and she got her phone out too. i think i could have number closed but i was too afraid. she and her friends all had wedding rings on their hands so i thought maybe they were married or maybe they wear the rings so guys dont hit on them)

lessons:
i need to find a girl to practice hugs and kino with so i am not afraid of it. i also need to figure out a way to try to number close without feeling awkward.

what works:
i come to the bar. spend 5 minutes in 4 different spots getting used to the bar, watching around, and getting less anxious. then i open just guys at the bar like how are you man? watsup? i stay away from creeps and drunks but there is usually one or two guys who say something about themselves and have a little convo. so today i learned one guy is a financial analyst, the other a dj who came to listen to the dj playing at the bar. so then i opened the least attractive girl at the bar. her friends noticed me and one of them opened me. she probably thought "i am better looking than her, i should be getting the attention" also when you talk to any woman, even not attractive one you DHV yourself. why did i start by opening guys? makes you look more social, also some girls might notice you and see that you are not a creep just talking to everyone, and also when you start a convo with a girl you can DHV youself by telling her interesting stuff about people at the bar. also starting a convo with an ugly girl is good because you physically place yourself in the middle of women so you can ask the whole group of girls by asking the ugly girl loudly. also if you point to the person who brought you to the bar makes you look more sympathetic. the girl looks at your friend and tries to judge and compare you. if you are dressed very differently, my friend was dressed total opposite of me, it makes them curious.

Street:
One set i saw on the street before walking opposite direction.
Material used - advice on stopping girls on street from approachanxiety.com
(i walk, glance at the girl, but dont stare her down, normal pace, no arm movement, headphones, then when she is four steps away, i stop, PLANT MY FEET FIRMLY, half face toward her and look slightly in front of her, take out my left ear phone out of my ear medium speed, my arms hanging at my sides, my face about to smile but relaxed, and say in a quiet voice like i am talking to a friend at a quiet coffee shop)

i saw you walking the other direction and you are walking back (smile)
oh yeah haha
(i smile and walk past. she smiles too)

lessons: thats the right way to stop women. but next time ask something like directions that is more time consuming to explain.

Book store.
goal - approach one girl on each floor.
i walk around for ten minutes.

girl reading Orchids at a table
(I walk medium pace, stop three steps, don't hesitate, lean in a little and ask quick, right away, in a quiet medium paced voice like i am talking to a friend)
you are studying orchids?
well no i am just reading (confused taken aback look)
oh you know you can grow them in bottles in your closet.
(she smiles, realized i am giving her attention, i smile and leave)

lessons:
what works - dont hesitate before asking, come up, and ask right away, do not wait for them to make eye contact or even see you, otherwise you look hesitant. speak in a quiet, medium paced voice like talking to a friend, hands hanging at your sides, face relaxed about to smile, and do not move your feet, do not follow them or be in their path, finish with a smile)

Sticking Points
Fear of Hugs and kino
Fear of number closing
Overstaying my time in a set/hanging around for too long

Plan
Going to try switching from formal to bad boy look
Going to try to get hugs from old dates from okcupid, especially the big girls who are flirty
Going to get out my phone, show them the dj's name on it, and then ask them "what is your number?" just out of the blue, but it a quiet medium paced voice.
Meet more PUA and guys from forum
Sarge in the mall, circulate through 10 different bars at night
Take a dance class so I can ask girls to dance when timing is right
Take a stand up comedy class so i can tell girls jokes
Do pull ups 5 days a week, and work out with weight 3 times a week.

Setting: Busy Night Club
Openers:
FAIL: "How are you?" "It's short.. life is too short not to come up and talk to you on a Friday night" Positive Response: "I like you t shirt" "Why did you come to this bar"
Results: Women physically avoided me after I approached them.
Lesson Learned: in night club, you need to be dressed like you are going to a prom, women judge you by your clothes and who you are with. Bring friends who you can have fun with, to DHV yourself and appear safe to women.
Sticking Points: shirt looks cheap, no jewelry, don't know my wing well enough to work in sync, don't know how to work with a wing, physically leave the set when my wing enters.

Plan: find a wing, get to know each other well enough so we have a good time hanging out just the two of us and discuss how we will open sets. Tomorrow, I will go to my college campus and approach there, then go to a beer tasting event with post college guys and try to make some connections so I can break into a social circle and get invited to parties, then go circulate between several bars and settle one with promising sets. Approach women at book stores.

Goal: find a venue where there are women and where I have a reasonable success rate.

You seem to demonstrate right away that you are uneasy talking to strangers:
You should probably be saying exactly the opposite of those.

So the opposite would be:

"My friend and I were talking about how natural it feels to approach you."

"I wanted to show my friend how easy it would be to come up and talk to you."

"I'm surprised how much you put me at ease."

The reason I opened with "I feel nervous" "..it's intimidating to talk to you.." because I was aiming to say what I feel at the moment in order to let my character shine, be honest, build rapport/trust, and be like a breath of fresh air. I think it worked, but the girls may have looked down at me for feeling nervous and intimidated in the first place.

Starbucks - girl sitting next to me

I said "How are you?" when she said down, but I said it too quietly and not facing her, so that failed. Then I glanced at her several times and she sensed I wanted to talk, so she opened me about the song that was playing. We talked and then I said, "Here take down my email"

Busy Bar Saturday Night
Crowd: mid twenties to late thirties. Girls pouring in and out.

Opened a large girl in a Bachelorrette party of 13 for fun and to get introduced to her friends through her, I had a good time with her, enjoyed it, but her friends were on the dance pad.

Four set with three dressed up girls and one shy awkward one. I leaned in and interrupted their conversation, and said "I like your style with the glasses and the hair (hand motions)" She looked taken aback, I leaned back, and neutrally said

Me "Why did you come to this bar?"
Her "My friend's birthday party."
Me "I've talked to people here, it's my second time, and it seems women come here either for someone's 21st birthday or for a bachelloratte party. Right now, there's two Bachellorette groups right now." (intoduced myself, shook hand, then held my hand out to dance and she said no she does not dance. I said she does not have to go, I am not forcing her, that's fine, I don't dance either, she did not believe me, so I said she cannot read people at all. I said at a summer camp in High School we had a night club at the camp and a dance, and older girls would pull guys to dance like this - grabbed her hand and pulled (kino) - and then I tried to dance and guys made fun of me, so that's why I don't dance. Then I told her how I came back to the camp and stuff about myself. I said she looked like she does not like large crowds) I got taught to take the girl out of the bar or to get her number so I said

Me "It's so loud in here. Your friends aren't around anyway, let's go outside and talk."
Her "Ohh I cannot be away from my friends, I've got to stay here."
Me (took out my cell phone) "I'm on my way out, got to catch the train, listen here take down my number" (she takes her cell phone out, I take hers and hand her mine. We exchange numbers.)

Me "I'm getting a good vibe from you Lauren, do you wanna go out for coffee some time"

Her "Sure"

(I giver her a hug and leave)

Then I text her an hour later "I'm on my way home. Call u tomorrow."

Questions: she did not reply, should I have waited longer before texting? She is a nervous and shy girl, and her hands were closed while I was talking to her, but she did not avoid any of my kino, so I figured if she is shy, it would make her less nervous if I told her when I would call so she would expect it.




H

Sunday night slow at bars.

Black girl waiting for the train.
Me: "That's a huge ring"
Her (smiles) (comes up closer to hear me cause my tone is quiet) "blah blah"
Me: "I noticed it's becoming popular, women are wearing big rings and huge watches."
Her "Rings yea, but watches I have not noticed blah"
Me: "Maybe you are starting a trend (smile)
Her (smile)
Me (i walk away and dont even try to close because it is on the train)

Lesson: if you open a black girl, she is more likely to be happy to get attention because guys dont hit on them as much.

My game plan is this. Keep my apartment nice, prepare clothes to go out so I always look my best, do pull ups every day, open at least 3 sets a day, and keep meeting pick up guys and learning from them. I also need to spend more time talking to people at bars because i feel nervous there and it shows in my body language. I also need to find a good wingman.

veeveevee from what I've seen in your earlier field reports I would say that we have a similar experience in the sense that when you said sometimes you feel like your fishing for something to say. But it doesn't look like you have that problem all the time because from what I've read it looks like you can get pretty deep in conversation with some girls.

Since we seem to kind of have a similar experience I'll tell you what I'm going to try to do in field and tell you if it works. From reading around a bit I realized that its hard to get into a conversation with girls in the beginning of a set because of what Neil Strauss calls a hook point (where the girls stop wondering when your gonna leave and want you to stay). From what I've read, to get to this point you have to provide interesting topics to talk about because the girls aren't really interested in talking with you yet. So in that sense you have to use interesting topics as bait until they gain some interest in you. to do that I'm gonna try to get a routine stack of interesting topics to keep talking about until i get to that point.

Anyways I'm new to this too and I don't know the ropes around this game yet so im just giving you my thoughts.

oh and I not sure if I missed it but I dunno if you used negs in your sets?
btw I got a field report up too let me know if you think I can improve on anything

I have not gotten past the hook point in my approaches yet, other than a woman on the train. She was reading a book about how to teach kids to write stories, I asked, "Are you trying to teach kids how to tell stories?" she told me about it a little, then I asked how should I teach my little brother and then told her about how I epic failed working with kids for two weeks at a camp. She seemed interested because we walked out of the train and out of the station together and she did not shudder away from me, we walked in sync. Then I waved good bye.

Latest advice from PUA buddy - wait for women to look at you and send you signals before you approach. I stood at a bar for two hours on my own and women did not notice me at all as if I was not there. I have not gotten any work done on my sticking points other yet, have not started working out, have not prepared better looking clothes for going out. The only thing I am doing right now is approaching 5 female strangers a day.

Sticking points:

Underdressed at a bar - women do not notice me
No wingman
Posture, I slouch
Sad face I don't look like I'm having fun
I may look tense and stiff a lot
I stare at people and look around at the bar
When I go out alone, people can tell that I am alone right away

Latest advice - in a night club, do not wear a light shirt, wear a dark shirt.

Went back to same night club. Last time there women shuddered from me. This time much better! The difference was that before I was wear a blue shirt that looked average, and now I was wear a matching dark shirt with rolled up sleeves, flashy fake watch, and a fedora hat! I thought I looked ridiculous, but it matched and I think women appreciated the costume. Also, I stood near my friends and talked and talked to a guy who began grinding a girl who looked like a super model. I approached an African American girl and a guy standing together, I thought they were a couple and I was just making conversation, I asked, "Where are you guys from?" She leaned and said Kenya, and I immediately took her leaning in and moving closer to me several times as an IOI. I talked to her at her side and touched her shoulder and just kept giving her a back rub. I pointed out my friends at the night club and she asked if my friend was Indian and I took a step toward him and asked him. They were not a couple, it was her brother. And then she said "We are going to go dance" and left. I just stood thinking I lost. I went and opened a Bachelorette party by asking one of the girls "What are the challenges for the Bachelorette, what are you making her do?" And then one girl took my hat and began dancing. I just fixed it on her head to the side and left. Then I went back to the African American girl and stood two steps away from her and motioned her to come closer she did not, so i motioned her again, she motioned me, i shook my head and explained to her that girl stole my hat with my hands and lips. She smiled and then I motioned her and she took a step toward me and leaned in, then, I told her and grabbed her hand and took her away to show her the girl with the hat. The Bachelorette party girl came up to me and gave me back my hat and I put it on the African American girl. I kept touching the outsides of her arms and her back like a back rub and she just began grinding me. I did not enjoy the grinding, it felt uncomfortable and stressful. It was kind of awkward because she wanted to dance but I can't dance much and did not feel like putting the work in anyway. So I just kept doing my thing with the hands and working on the back of her neck playfully. A guy opened her and she seemed responsive to him, but I just gave her my hand and took her away. Then we sat down and I kept sliding my hand up and down her arms, giving her gentle back rub, and touching her leg once in a while. She gave me her number about an hour before that, but now I said "Wanna give me a kiss on cheek?" she did not so later on I said "I might not call you tomorrow if you don't give me a kiss on the cheek." She kissed me on the cheek and then I kissed her on the cheek, gave her a hug and left.

Strengths - stuck with my friends, pointed my friends out to her so she knew I was not alone, wore a costume that projected confidence, opened her brother, and waited for her to give me IOIs before escalating, did not chase her right away, but went and talked to different girls when she left, and then went in very lightly for the second attempt, and accepted her offer to grind/dance, teased her about her being a couple of years older, tried to take her outside of the bar, escalated the kino, at times lead her and at times let her take my hand from her back and put it on her thigh.

Weaknesses - slouched posture, could not dance with her and she was disappointed (I suck at grinding and dancing of any kind), got embarassed and worried about how I look and fished for words and responses to her.

good first convo

_________________
.
I'm not actually Braddock. I'm only his friend.

The African American woman texted me back after a day. Good thing I did not call after texting - that would have made me look desperate.

So I got conflicting advice about day 2s. First one say, call next day around lunch time because it shows confidence and lets your character shine through in your voice. The second one says the opposite - text because calling puts too much pressure on her, she still does not know you, so text back and forth to break the ice and build it up. Crack a few jokes then tell her about a place you want to go and invite her along. I've been trying the first one many times and it did not work. So I'm trying texting now.

Idea: sign up with a non-profit and volunteer to hand out leaf lets on the street to get rid of your approach anxiety. Nobody will notice if you focus on approaching HBs

Learned: if you as a question that sounds like out of the blue and the woman reacts like "what?", don't feel like you have to excuse and explain yourself, just ignore her and deliver your pitch with enthusiasm like it's a great thing she really wants to know. I asked a bartender "How do you feel about serving people alcohol?" She felt uncomfortable and weirded out and replied "What do you mean? It's just my job. I like alcohol too, so I don't mind." Instead of saying "Oh I meant how do you feel about it, or ..." instead of fishing for words and coming up with an excuse for asking, I should have said "This guy left making great money bartending for a humble little day job!!!" this would have made her curious and if she said "Why?" I should've replied "He says he did not feel good about serving people alcohol, because he observed it only caused people problems. I'd enjoy working at a coffee shop or at a bar, but I don't know if I'd feel guilty about serving people alcohol too. Do you think I could keep up at a coffee shop socially?"

I have been coming up with reasons not to approach. Today, I opened a girl at a coffee shop "What book are you reading?" then I should have followed with something that would force her to talk (she was shy) like "How did pick this book?"

I have been getting a lot of feedback from women that I make them feel awkward. With the help of my friends, I realized why - I become needy when I want a woman to like me, she senses that, and it makes her feel awkward and tense.

I realized that I do not like to use canned openers - like telling every girl the same thing. I size a woman up and try to say something that relates to her or the setting (for example, the book she is reading, the music playing at a coffee shop), but the problem with this is that you lose time by thinking and the target may leave, you also end up fishing for words when she responds. The advantage of canned direct openers such as "I like your skirt. Where did you buy it? I wanna get one for my sister, it'd surprise her." 'Why?' " Because I'd never buy clothes for someone and it'd be the first time in my life I bought her a present. What do you think about that?" the advantage is that you don't fish for words and if it's a compliment women are obliged to respond. If they call you out by saying "Why are you hitting on me. Hit on those women.' You can say "Why can't I hit on you?"

Lesson Learned: girls love to talk (ramble on), and are dying for you to give them an opportunity to do it.

Two girls walking down the street: "Where's a good place to eat around here?"
Response from girl: positive

Girl on bench in front of coffee shop with a missing cat flyer in her hand. Asked her about the cat, then let her ramble on about her friend's cat and her land lord.
Lesson learned: targets don't want to hear you talk about yourself, they want you to ask and make affirmative statements to let them talk it out. I teased her about being a cat lady.

Two girls (closed body language) at a book store laughing at a comic book. "Would that make a good coffee table book?" -no response- I take a step toward them and lean in "If you guy are enjoying this book so much, would other people enjoy it too?" They stare at me, stop laughing, put the book back on the shelf and walk away abruptly without saying a word. I bought the book for five bucks because it was funny. Who cares if you get blown out by lesbian hipster chicks?