Mindsets.

What Exactly Is A Mindset?
A mindset is defined as an attitude, disposition, or a mood.
Now before you get caught up in the swirl of the PUA methods and theories I highly suggest you learn how to use mindsets to your advantage.
For example: If you were to go to a club pissed off and then go up to a set with a "Im a happy and exciting person" you will fail.
Why? Because women can see your emotions easier than you think, especially a negative mindset which will repel women faster than you can imagine.

So How Do You Get Into A Positive Mindset?
To be in a positive mindset all the time, you have to first learn to love life.
So to start off loving life you have to first tell yourself "From this point forward I will try to be a more positive person everyday"
Then you must keep your word to yourself.
In other words actually try to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Overall:
The main point of this is to get you to believe in and enjoy yourself.
You may or may not believe it but your emotions can be more noticeable than a big fuzzy hat or what ever peacocking you do.
Once you learn to love life, you will notice how women will gravitate to you and how attractive you will become.
Believe me, women can spot someone who is 100% comfortable with themselves.
In other words no method will ever work unless you have a positive mindset.
Who knows after you tried this, you may feel there is no need for methods and theories as I have come to find.

Serj

Good post, but I think the term "positive mindset" is kind of misleading/vague. Or maybe that's just because I've met too many people whose "positive mindsets" positively annoyed the hell out of me.

Anyway, perhaps you could elaborate on the term? At the moment, just being happy going into a club isn't going to get a lot of women. Especially since you will probably become miserable if they reject you.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

so are you going to tell people how to become comfortable with themselfs or at least offer examples of how to do so, or are you just going to give them empty and vague advice?


Forgive the harshness of that, just, it's all good saying 'yeah if you are like this, everything will be good'. But if you're going to say that, at least give some examples of how somenoe can achieve said thing.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

Yes It may have been a bit vague, the overall concept is easy to understand.

But to elaborate..
The whole point is to not be walking into a set with a "there's no way I can get this girl or I'm going to get blown out attitude" or a "negative mindset" before you even say a word because you will have blown yourself out before she has even said a word. But if you have a "positive mindset" or a "I can do this attitude" you will notice a dramatic improvement in your game.

Does a positive mindset mean I'm in love myself and you are a douche low life nothing? Absolutely not, which most likely the "positive mindset people" you are thinking of.

The fact is there is no "exact formula" to being comfortable with yourself.
That is something YOU have to do.

The closest thing to an exact formula I can give you is, if you don't like the way you are then change yourself for the better. If you are fat, go work out.. If you are a shy person, talk to every fucking person you pass. Get the point?

While you may see it as empty and vague advice, I see it as a way for you to do some thinking for yourself.


Serj

While I understand what you're saying, and it is good for people to change things they want to change. This isn't the real way to becoming 'comfortable with yourself'.
The way you are suggesting here is dependant on external factors, some goals of which may never be obtainable, especially for the kind of people who nothing is ever enough.

Anything reliant on external factors or material success, is very weak and damageable, and therefore having your emotions and thoughts dependant on them can be very dangerous.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

I'd say you both have good points, but I just have quick questions for both of you.

Serj: That, I would say, is a good formula, to a degree, but I think it could be even more specific. If I conquer my feelings of shyness, yes, I feel better about myself, but you could still have a bajillion problems that still prevent you from obtaining a positive mindset. Plus, I think there are more components to a positive mindset than you are mentioning. More specificity, please?

Finesse~: Very true about the "you can't rely on external factors" point, but could you clarify how exactly some of these rely on external factors? I believe everyone has a great deal of control over their lives, and so this kind of self-improvement should be possible without relying on external factors.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

Is it not the way to become more overall confident with yourself?
When I go to the gym nothing makes me feel more confident because I've changed my looks for the better.
Making me confident about my looks --> therefore gaining overall confidence.
Were there days when I just wanted to up and call it quits? Absolutely.
Did I push through those days? I did and I picked it back up the next day.
Did it take me awhile to achieve it? Of course it did but nothing good ever comes easy.

Anything is possible if you set your mind to it.
If you think you cant achieve a reasonable goal then you're lazy.
My suggestion start off with a small goal and then once you've achieved it, appreciate it.
Anything reliant on a magic pill or an exact method to confidence, is very weak and four times more damageable, and therefore seeking out a magic pill instead of trying to better yourself can be very dangerous.
Magic pills or methods to confidence will only be temporary.
For example you listen to a hypnosis CD saying you are a good looking dude. Then you have this idea in your head you are good looking then some one calls you butt fuck ugly. OR You tell yourself everyday you will be more comfortable with yourself and then someone calls you butt fuck ugly.
Which will damage you more? The magic pill because the confidence built with the CD will be no where as strong as confidence you build yourself.

Overall:
If you are afraid to try something because you think you might get hurt is just sad.
First that's a negative mindset, second if you were so unwilling you wouldn't be on this site. ~Finesse if you truly believe what you wrote then you're insecure with yourself. Putting your emotions out there is part of the game and you will not get better at gaming until you decide to do so. Besides hiding your emotions is one of the worst ways to live life and is exactly what got us here in the first place.


Well first off, ask yourself what are the problems you are having keeping you from a positive mindset? Then ask yourself what can I do to improve these?
The components you need for a positive mindset is a willing attitude, a willing to change for the better, and keeping negative things out of your life.
I've given you the equation but it's up to you to put in the components and solve it.


Serj
"Make todays good feelings, be tomorrows bad feelings"

You missed my point here. Goal achieved, yet goal = not enough.


anyway, your mindset is clearly a bit odd, seeing as the only one talking about magic pills here is you.



Being confident and being comfortable are totally different things. Someone can be confident that regardless of their looks they can get chicks, but they can be uncomfortable about their looks.

The only way to become stabily and safely comfortable is ACCEPTANCE. Your confidence is based on external factors, what if you become unable to keep up your appearance, or you feel happy that you are 'built' yet you get more and more reasons to believe you are not.

If you build your confidence and comfortableness off of external factors, you're running a risky path. As external factors are so easily and constantly changeable that one small (big) change in what you're placing your confidence in, then you're back to no confidence and no comfort.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

You missed my point here. Goal achieved, yet goal = not enough.
Yes but you sir only quoted part of my statement.
Therefore you missed my whole point.
And I understand that external factors you can not rely solely on.

anyway, your mindset is clearly a bit odd, seeing as the only one talking about magic pills here is you.
"so are you going to tell people how to become comfortable with themselfs or at least offer examples of how to do so" ~Finesse
Really? Because in your first post you were looking for an exact way to do so...

Being confident and being comfortable are totally different things. Someone can be confident that regardless of their looks they can get chicks, but they can be uncomfortable about their looks.
Very true but being comfortable with yourself will lead to being confident, vice versa.

The only way to become stabily and safely comfortable is ACCEPTANCE. Your confidence is based on external factors, what if you become unable to keep up your appearance, or you feel happy that you are 'built' yet you get more and more reasons to believe you are not.
Yes but alone just accepting yourself will only be temporary.
For it to be permanent you must build it up your confidence bit by bit, which may external appearances and internal thoughts, though loving yourself is the main goal.

If you build your confidence and comfortableness off of external factors, you're running a risky path. As external factors are so easily and constantly changeable that one small (big) change in what you're placing your confidence in, then you're back to no confidence and no comfort.
The whole point of this is to change yourself for the better.
You can do it in so many ways, It doesnt have to be just external factors it can be internal.
And dont forget only relying on internal factors is a risky business because that can be destroyed just as fast as external factors.

Anyways I won't reply for awhile I'm going to the beach.
Serj

Giving people examples of how to become comfortable with themself, isn't giving a 'magic pill'. It's giving them the advice on how to go about it.

Your advice is just as pointless as saying "Hey, wanna know how to get good with women? Easy, you just have to know what to say!" It's empty advice.


Relying on internal factors is far safer/better than external, for this reason. Internal = within your control entirely. External = often out of your control.


Without the internal, none of external matters. 'cause it all comes down to your mindset of the situation.


Let's look at this for example... Being good at conversations...

Right, let's say you get all your confidence/comfort from external factors. This means you're having good conversations, and therefore are confident, based on results. Now lets say conversations stop going well. You're going to start losing your confidence, because it is dependant on your results (External factors).

Now lets say you get it from inner factors and mindsets. You find a way that you view every conversation as 'going well'. Then nothing can rock your confidence, because everyconversation is going well, and always will.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

I just don't understand where you people are getting the idea of internal vs. external confidence. I had assumed from Serj's original post that the confidence he talked about was internal.

If you go to the gym and get a rock-hard body, you will probably be more confident. Stop going to the gym, lose it, lose your confidence. That's an external factor.

My ten cents is this: the only way to improve true confidence is by continually facing fears and challenges. If you become comfortable doing this, then nothing will be able to scare you any more.

Finesse is dead on about being comfortable. You have to accept yourself. My only thought on this is that one generally learns to accept themselves once they become confident.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

Damn straight.


Yeah, that does work/help. But, as I keep explaining, if the confidence comes from external, it is dependant on a highly changeable situation. Say you're like 'yeahhh I got 18 inch biceps, rarghh, I'm confident now', say you lose an inch, you gonna shit yourself?

Confidence has little to do with comfortableness to be honest. I'm highly confident that I could go to a club, have chicks attracted to me, and fuck 'em. However, this doesn't make me comfortable with my 'looks'. Though it 'should' according to Serj's theory...

If I was comfortable with the way I look, but it was based off success, any time I have a bad night, I'm going to lose my confidence/comfort/self esteem drastically and instantly, due to my emotional dependancy on external factors.

If I was comfortable with my looks, due to acceptance, having a bad night/getting shit results won't cut me up.

I'm sure you can all understand this.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

~Finesse:
Giving people examples of how to become comfortable with themself, isn't giving a 'magic pill'. It's giving them the advice on how to go about it.

The question is what is considered as a magic pill?
To me it's using a process (examples) to better one self from advice you have received.
Therefore in my eyes you were asking for a "magic pill"
So what is your definition of a magic pill?

Your advice is just as pointless as saying "Hey, wanna know how to get good with women? Easy, you just have to know what to say!" It's empty advice.

To better ones self is a vary broad topic.
To write down every example on how to do so would take weeks to do.
Which is why I gave you the main idea on how to do so.
But since you are dumber than a fucking dog Ill spell it out for you.
X = Your insecurity
Y = Your solution to your insecurity
Z = Your accomplished goal
So...
X + Y = Z
You find the problem.. You ask yourself how can I change this for the better.. Then you strive to seek that goal.
How is that empty and vague advice?
I just figured someone that had an IQ of 40 could put that together but obviously you cant.

Relying on internal factors is far safer/better than external, for this reason. Internal = within your control entirely. External = often out of your control.

Here we go with this again.
Now Before you read any further pay close attention.
I used the gym as an example to show how to do it.
You saw that as this post is only about improving external appearances only when this can be used to improve both internal and external factors.
As I have stated many times but you just skim through posts.

Without the internal, none of external matters. 'cause it all comes down to your mindset of the situation.

Please for the love of God please read the very first word of this topic.
You are so incredibly lost its not even funny.
I have said it many times and will say it once again.
BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL FACTORS MATTER.


AFC Royal:
I just don't understand where you people are getting the idea of internal vs. external confidence. I had assumed from Serj's original post that the confidence he talked about was internal.

Yes it is about internal and external factors and learning how to improve yourself.

If you go to the gym and get a rock-hard body, you will probably be more confident. Stop going to the gym, lose it, lose your confidence. That's an external factor.

Just used as an example.

My ten cents is this: the only way to improve true confidence is by continually facing fears and challenges. If you become comfortable doing this, then nothing will be able to scare you any more.

Exactly you got the point, this post was to just help people work on better themselves making them eventually being comfortable with themselves. Both internally and externally.
While my initial post was first about internal thinking I wanted to show it could also be done using external factors.


~Finesse:
Yeah, that does work/help. But, as I keep explaining, if the confidence comes from external, it is dependant on a highly changeable situation. Say you're like 'yeahhh I got 18 inch biceps, rarghh, I'm confident now', say you lose an inch, you gonna shit yourself?

Dude drop the whole external only bullshit.
If you took the time to read my first post you would see that the main point is bettering yourself inside and out.
They both are important.

Confidence has little to do with comfortableness to be honest. I'm highly confident that I could go to a club, have chicks attracted to me, and fuck 'em. However, this doesn't make me comfortable with my 'looks'. Though it 'should' according to Serj's theory...

From an internal point of view confidence has little to do with comfortableness.
From an external point of view confidence can have a major impact on comfortableness.
When I said that confidence can increase how comfortable you are with yourself I was still on the topic of an external view.
For example: You work out and your lose weight. You become more confident about your looks which will make you more comfortable with yourself.
But from an internal point of view it wont help much at all.
Now before you go judging a theory I suggest you think about things from a different point of view.

If I was comfortable with the way I look, but it was based off success, any time I have a bad night, I'm going to lose my confidence/comfort/self esteem drastically and instantly, due to my emotional dependancy on external factors.

Don't twist my words.
Did I say you solely rely on your game with your looks? No.
Please show me where.
Besides everyone knows they will have an off day eventually...

If I was comfortable with my looks, due to acceptance, having a bad night/getting shit results won't cut me up.

Yes that's true.
But if you only solely rely on inner game you can be cut down by words. Believe me words can cut like a fucking sword causing your game to also decrease dramatically.
Either way external or internal game you rely on, you will eventually be cut down but everyone knows you have to push through those days and pick it back up the next day which is why I think both internal and external factors matter.


Serj

I would agree with you... except you're wrong.

You clearly don't understand how acceptance or 'internal' stuff works. If you are effected by what people say, then your inner isn't good. In fact, it's very bad.

If you're effected by what people say, this is because you are relying on external validation.

If you are trying to 'look good' or 'get ripped' to a point of 'oh people will think this looks good', then you are a slave to others. And always will be. Because, let's say, you reach this goal, then, people start 'cutting you down with words' about your physique, if this affects you, it is because you are seeking and reliant on external validation.

again... PEOPLES' WORDS WILL ONLY AFFECT YOU IF YOU ARE DEPENDANT ON EXTERNAL

If your inner game is good, if your self acceptance is good, if you aren't dependant on external validation. Then what people say to you, will not affect you. If it does... this is because you are dependant on external.

As we can clearly see, Serj, your understanding of internal/inner game is poor, or you at least have a very bad inner game, as you've shown you are still placing importance on external factors/validation.

Until you can get past relying on external validation, you are always going to be a slave to others.

Love & internal validation

~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

My head is spinning. At this point, I have no clue what the hell we're discussing. I will try to distill it, however.

One main point is comfort vs. confidence

I define comfort, in this scenario, as "the feeling of ease one has within their own skin that allows them to move about without restraint". Serj appears to say that you can become comfortable by accomplishing some goal that will improve yourself. Finesse advises acceptance.

In the case of your insecurities, the only true way to "get rid" of them, is to accept them. This is the much stated, "I don't give a fuck" approach. Serj, some insecurities can be overcome by external factors, but, if, for example, you're insecure about your height, you can't really do a lot about that.

Eckhart Tolle gives the excellent advice, "You can do three things in a situation: you can accept the situation, improve it, or remove yourself from it". You can't remove yourself from your height, and you can't improve it, so you have to deal with it.
Basically, my theory is that external FACTORS don't matter for shit. External ACTIONS, however, can change your internal world, which will create your new outer world.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.