Situation:

Lately, I just sort of behave like I am going to break up with the girl and she can see that, and this sort of made her upset.

I feel bad about this too, and I have my own reasons.

So right now I thinking of saying something like

"I'm sorry about what I just did. I was just having a rough time and couldn't really handle this. From now on, only you can do what I just did to you. I give you that power."

in hopes of making her feel secure again so she won't leave me.

Because her dad and mom have abandoned her in the past, and I am now sort of regretting what I just did because it will bring back those sad feelings for her. I just came back to her, but I'm worried that she will now think that I will leave her again in the future, so she might call it quits before I do.

And I want to say what I am about to say above to make her feel secure again while using reverse psychology about giving her the power to break up.

I would appreciate any advice or enlightenment on my situation.

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

You should know her deepest fears and why she feels that. She fears that you leave her because she has a trauma of her parents who left her behind.

So you should say something which has something to do with the things standing above.
"FEAR", "NOT BEING THERE FOR HER" and "LEAVING" are kind of trance words. So if you want to say something to her, say something the opposite of this.

It's good that you're appologizing for it. You have to give her a reason for your behaviour. She will be more understanding as a result.

I'm not very experienced on this part, because I never had the same situation. But I think you should do the following if you love/like her and want to continue the relationship.

I wouldn't tell her right away that you're not going to leave her. Instead, take her out somewhere, on a date. Act realy spontaneous, happy and energetic. Do fun stuff, go to the fair, go shopping together or go to a nice place where you can eat. Do a lot of fun and exciting and fun stuff together. That way, she will be relieved and thinking "he would not dump me if he is taking me out on this very funny date and act like he is realy loving me". But still, because of her fears, she will be still doubting. She might be concerned that a few days later, the fun will be over again and that you will be acting like you did before, and thus, she will be affraid that you might dump her again.
So then go to a romantic or intimate place somewhere outside, or maybe to "your secret little spot" where you used to meet or date a lot in the past, and then tell her right away what you wanted to say to her:

"I'm sorry about the past period. I was having a rough time and I tought mostly of myself and not enough about you and how you feel. I know I made a hard time for you, but remember: I love you. I realy do. And therefor, I will certainly not leave you. I am there for you"

It might sound a bit cheesy maybe. But I think this is the best thing you can do. If she realy fears you're going to leave her, she should be realy into you. Telling her you love her will do miracles (especialy if you haven't told her before). She must realy feel that you like/love her and that you will not leave her. She will feel secure again as a result. She might feel so happy after you said that that you might make out passionatley and have sex later on .

I would not give her the power tough. That would make her dominant, and that she should decide when to break up or not. If the relationship turns out bad in the fuuture and you want break up, you will be a jerk because you told her that she could decide, that it was up to her. Always keep that decision and the power, because you know how you can use it and if you give it away, you don't know how she might use it.
Besides, it has to be said that there should always be a slight fear that you might leave her. That will stronger the relationship and bring more excitement in it. But keep it under control. You can use this power to punish and reward her if you wish: if she does something good, make her feel that you want to stay with her for a long time, if she does something you don't like or act bad, make her feel indirectly that you have the possibility of leaving her. This is called "willingness to walk away". it's the same principle you use during pickup in a bar.

I have to say that, if you apologize for your behavior in the past, that you also tell her that you will not do it any more. Later, you should not behave like that again for the period/ next (few) month(s) that are about to come, if you want something serious.

Cheers!,
Shyler

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

openMinded,
So you are back with contact? And she was upset?

If so, it's a great thing. When someone acts emotional they care.

I would do it this way, go to that meeting/date or whatsoever, when you see her give a big smile and hug and kiss and make sure you are a warm person and you're happy to see her. When you feel she is having a good time, opening up and there is a good vibe around you two. Tell her: Give me you hands (take control, make it romantic and sincere): ...her name..., i know we have not been in contact lately. I really missed you.

She will probably have some things to say, but I think it will take a lot of worries from her side away.
Don't think you should appologize, she didn't contact you either, right?
If I was her I would see this as an excuse, like your rough times and not handling things are more important then she is.

There are 3 ways to respond for her during whole meet-up.
1.Cold, you feel like she doesn't care, better cut those heavy chains yourselve (once again.
2. Hurt, wich probably is the case seen your Post, you have to be very caring and alpha, take control make her feel like whatever happens you don't give up on her.
3. Acting furious, act calm, collected, don't interrupt, don't give answers to her questions until she is calmer. Then just say your speech, tell her you came to work out things and wait for her to react.

Riqueza.[/quote]

_________________
It's not nessacery to be strong but to feel strong.

Dude, seriously... are you for real? I'm beginning to think that you're a troll.



Why would you say that? That's fucking odd. Right. On the chance you're being for real, I'll answer you...

Something better would be.

"I've been having a real tough time lately, and it has made me behave a bit odd. I'm sorry if it has worried you in any way or made you uncertain about my feelings towards you, but I really enjoy us being together and want you to know that."

Done, over.

Just reassure her. Why are you making all these posts about trying to give the girl all the power, and pretty much bully you around? Are you being serious? 'Cause it's rather hard to believe.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

Hey Thanks for the advice.
Not all the power. I don't think relationships should be about power struggle. And besides, it is not like I am really giving her all the power. I'm trying to make her feel secure that's all.

And also because I find it hard to resist against my urges all the time. At times, I want to be able to let her know that I am weak, and that if she wishes to stay with me, that she accepts me for my weaknesses.

I think this neediness and power thing should not be a static concept especially when it comes to relationships [not pick up].

_________________
"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

Thanks. I think so too. No, it is not cheesy at all. Quite romantic actually.
LOL I just want her to be happy around me that's all and winning her heart possibly. I'm really tired of this Pick Up thing and I just want to be able to settle down with the girl I like.
I'm actually curious to find out how she might use it, but I agree with you insights.
Thanks again,
openMinded

_________________
"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

[/quote]

Yeah. You and Shyler brought up similar points. I am going to just show her that I still care about her by bring her out somewhere and spending time with her.

And btw, she was actually furious LOL and she played the "willingness to leave" card. I just considered it as her being upset well at least that is what I think it means when girls get angry.

Now, I don't know if that still means she is really into me. Perhaps you can still let me know? =D

_________________
"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

Of course, bro. This is the way things should be in a really good relationship. I think this is, or at least borders on 'love'. As in... someone I know put it very well...

Loving someone for there good points.
Loving someone despite of their bad points.
Loving someone for their bad points.


Now the thing is, while this is how things should be, and it is good to show weakness from time to time...
You're right, but you're going the completely wrong way about it. 'Cause you're basically saying, well, the vibe I get from your posts is this is how you sound...

"I depend on you, I need you so much, I can't be without you. Please, you are my ruler, my leader, my God!"

This is what your actions and words say. And this is NOT good in the slightest, you know it's not good. You're just really going about this in such a bad fashion.

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....