I have been living with my buddy for about six months, and we get along swimmingly. The problem is that he has absolutely ZERO game, and the longer I live with him, the more it frusterates me. It is clearly effecting his happiness.

He has only two close friends. One is married and the other is stationed away in the military during the week (he lives with us on weekends). They both are far more outgoing and tend to soak up all the attention in any given scenario. I know he is resentful of their alpha-maleism, but if these guys are not around, he rarely even leaves the house.

When we go out he stands around awkwardly. I have tried to introduce him to my friends several times. They call him "The Quiet Guy" because he is so shy... He has resorted to picking up women online, but after a few dates they all either blow him off or give him the LJBF speech. He knows he is too much of a nice guy* and we discuss this often.

How can I help him blossom?!

He is a clever, funny, good-looking guy with a decent job. I recently helped him to update his wardrobe and he looks great. I gave him The Game and he said he liked it, but no change. All of us try to encourage him to be more assertive, and even help him out in social situations with women - but this only makes him close off more. What can we do?

*he woke up at 5AM to buy a $75.00 Disneyland pass so she could go to DLand with her family (not him) for the most recent online chick. After two dates.

It's an interesting one and a dilemma that's been hot on my mind for a long time now.

I've introduced game to some people and worked with PUAs etc.

Oftentimes it works really well because they have a level of inner game or competency.

Sometimes, like your friend however - they just lack that core inner game. And I just think to myself...my god...this guy requires some massive overhaul of his entire life systems before he could even start to learn game. Learning 'game' as we conventionally know it for these people is not something I would necessarily recommend. I know one guy like this who's been into this stuff for like a year now but still can't really bag results. And to me it's so clear why - he's just a deep-rooted nice, quiet & shy guy. Really clever, great job etc. But just can't break out of his beta habits.

I have one close friend who's in this situation at the moment. I started introducing him to game by taking him out with a wing of mine and myself and picking up some girls to show him what is possible. I think you need to provide both a stick and a carrot - this of course was the carrot. A stick and carrot helps provide motivation, and that is what they need.

Trying to get someone field practice who has bad inner game like this, however, is a bad idea in my opinion. They will only fail and their poor self-esteem will be reinforced by this failure.

So they need to at least understand inner game (even if they cannot attain it) before practising outer game.

After that, I would treat it psychologically as a phobia, with a mixture of two classical techniques - one is systematic desensitization, i.e. to take baby steps, such as asking strangers on the street for directions to a train station. The other technique is overload (known by many different names), where you just chuck them right in the deep end. So, making approaches with a dildo strapped to your forehead. If you can make them do the second technique (unlikely), awesome. But certainly use the first.

In summary - I would be careful. I would provide a stick and carrot, then don't try to push him anymore. His inner game is so fragile, and it requires such a massive structural overhaul of his character that it's a dangerous and difficult situation. Take him out, show him what's possible. Then if he asks questions, take it to the next step. Don't force anything on him. Such a change can only come from within.

the question is does he want to learn pick-up? he might be happy the way he is. i doubt it very much i know its quite depressing hanging around a loner but its his choice and you arent going to bring him out of comfort zone over night,

first take him to a barbers change his hairstyle get him a hot towel shave

then try taking him shopping and getting some new clothes and some cool accessories and asking opinion openers from girls in the store and the hb assistants

take him home to get changed into his new 'cool' clothes

now take him to a bar and this will be harsh play 'have you met ted'(if youve never watched how i met your mother watch it or this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYbqLEwdXv8 ) he has to say something to her it would be rude not to

the thing is he has to get used to the club enviroment

approach anxiety is basically because they've never tried enough times and they have a fear of being laughed at, i used to go to clubs just to get blown out because it desensitises you from being rejected

a lot of puas will disagree with what ive said but its better then him being a hermit

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

It's a long road going from shut-in to player. Fixing his inner game is definately the most important issue now. Don't even bother with picking up women yet. Just focus on making him more social and assertive.

Don't be afraid to push him hard. If he gets fed up and stands up to you, he's already improving.

YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE IT DRINK



Show him what it is, let him decicde if he wants to give it a go.


Forcing something on someone has shown little result in the past.

the thing is you could as much inner game stuff with him, wether it be hypnosis, meditation, affirmations and so on but at the end of the day if he isnt going to physically do something about it its in vain!!!! if you wanted to ride a bike would you use hypnosis to make sure it went perfect the first time, or learn how to drive by visualising a motorway and you moving the steering wheel, no it comes from experience... YES GIRLS WILL GIVE THE BRUSH OFF, YES GIRLS MIGHT TELL YOU TO GO AWAY, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT!!!

i used to be like him but i studied every book on pickup that i could from mystery and ross jeffries to the ridiculous dating guides i could find and heres the simple reason i was looking for a formula that would work without fail EVERY SINGLE TIME without practise but like riding a bike you need the experience and yes falling off will happen but sometimes alling off and learning from mistakes is part of the fun

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

Maybe you should try smacking him around...

statistically speaking, has NOT smacking a bitch been working for you?

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

Embarrass the hell out of him in public. Just make sure you don't do it too much at one time.

Sir, you just took those thoughts straight out of my head. I agree 100% with Rafiel's advice, and I think he hit the nail on the head.

My best friend used to have the EXACT same problem! What brought him out of his shell, turned him into a party animal, and led him to NATURALLY getting girls left and right? He moved to a college town with me, dove right into the deep end of all the craziness up here, and suddenly leapt out of his shell! I think that if you cannot spare the time and patience to take things slowly with your roomie, I would try to insert him right into ground zero of the action. Submerging one's self in the middle of anything is usually an effective way to open up and blossom.

The only downside to it is that it works best if it's their CHOICE. Forcing somebody into it might end up taking more time.

This is true. However, you can hold it in front of a river in 110 degree heat and I guarantee it will eventually take a sip. Fear is powerful, but necessity is even more so.

From experience of being like this guy, I wish someone would have pushed me like that. Might have been hard at first, but would have zipped my development ahead a few years.

So what can I do (as a female friend) to help him be more social?

He always says no when I invite him out, and gets defensive when I suggest approaching a woman or getting out there more.

Are there any subtle ways I can help him feel more confident, without him knowing that I am pushing him?

Go out and have fun without him. Briefly mention to him that you miss him coming, or that someone asked about him, or how it just wasn't the same without him.

He's as far as he's ready to go now, and might be somewhat overwhelmed. Time to let the bit of help you gave him sink in.

I think you have to find out what he wants in terms of people and/or women. If he doesn't want to get laid, you can't make him.

More likely the case, however, is that there is a part of him that wants to get laid - same as for everyone. He has to be in a certain STATE to want to get laid.

So I would say if you want to help him, your job would be to get him in a state that allows him to want to meet women.

In order to do this I would find out first what sorts of things motivates him in terms of people, or what he enjoys in terms of people etc. You need him to give you information about what he wants. If he cannot think of something, ask him to think of past experiences (even if they are exceptions) where he has enjoyed being with people, and would like to do something like that again.

As you rightly allude, it's gotta be done in a manner that does not appear forceful.

Embarrass the hell out of him.
So drag his ass out then and drag his ass to various girls and start talking to them with him right there next to you.
I doubt being subtle here is going to work here. Primary because I never head of it working with this type of issue. You basically have to "drop" the guy in the "wild" and make him "defend" for him self basically. He is going to have to leave the nest some time and learn to fly on his own at some point.

get him drunk off his nut and let him bang a stripper