If you've ever watched Blind Date, I'm sure you've seen these two types of dates:

Date A: Conversation goes well. Guy and girl are talking and no awkward silences. These are usually the ones where both say they want a 2nd date

Date B: Conversation doesn't go well. Guy and girl talk a little, but it's just random questions here and there and full of awkward silences. These dates don't usually lead to a 2nd. Girl always says she didn't feel they made any type of connection.

If you're out with a girl, she needs to feel that you and her connected on a personal level. This connection leads to attraction or builds on it.

But most guys can't carry a conversation. They have no idea what to say, they ask a question, girl answers, then they sit there looking around because they ran out of questions. The girl thinks the guy is boring, dull, and unable to handle the simplest of tasks. Girls love to talk, but they will toss you aside if you can't keep them interested with a basic conversation.

Before I get into techniques and methods, you need to understand people love talking about themselves and enjoy the company of those who take a genuine interest in them. By doing this to a girl (in the right way), you let her talk about herself, but you control what she is talking about. You don't want to hear about her personal problems (intellectual whore). You just jump in every once-in-a-while with a "me too" statement to let her know that you guys are connecting. You GUIDE the conversation completely. This puts you in control. When the conversation starts heading off track, you bring it back.

80-90% of our communication is done non-verbally. Your body language is extremely important because it says more than you think. When you're talking to a girl, keep eye contact. Don't sit there staring at her chest or looking around the room at other people. Don't look like someone with a short attention span.

Tone is also very important. How you say something is more important than what you actually say.

Words, tone and body language make up a conversation. But words are the least of the 3. Keep in mind tone and body language will actually deliver what you're saying.

Take a genuine interest in what she's saying. Don't try to fake it. When she tells you she went to Europe for 3 months, don't say, "That's cool." That's a big thing. Ask her about it. What did she like? Where in Europe did she go? What were the people like? What differences are there between Europe and the US? You could talk to her for hours just about her trip.

Ok, now lets get into some techniques and tips for holding or initiating conversation.

1. Always be aware of your surroundings!
Some of the best conversation starters are based on what's going on around you. Maybe something funny happened, maybe there's a guy that looks like Tom Hanks. Maybe the girl dropped her cell phone in water. Whatever is going on around you, learn to use it to your advantage.

Ways to practice this: When you go out, look for things happening to people or in your surroundings. Then, approach anyone (guy or girl) and talk to him or her about it. Make it seem smooth and if you can, funny. Then, let that lead into more conversation. This is probably the best way to do a cold approach IMO.

2. Don't ask random questions!
This isn't 20 questions. Don't ask a girl a question and then proceed by asking her a totally unrelated question when she answers. Keep the questions related to her answer. Base what you say off of her response. DON'T PLAN OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY NEXT. Go with the flow.

Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Really? I hear they listen to quite a bit of rap in __ (just an example)
Girl: Yeah they do! I'm not too big on rap though. I prefer acoustic bands like John Mayer or Dave Matthews
Guy: Dave was just up at the Gorge for a concert last week. Did you see the concert?
Girl: I really wanted to go but got stuck working the whole weekend
Guy: etc etc

Instead of

Guy: Do you live around here?
Girl: I actually live about 20 min away in __
Guy: Cool. What kind of music do you listen to?
Girl: My favorite would have to be any acoustic bands
Guy: Did you go to the Dave Matthews Concert?
Girl: No, I got stuck working
Guy: Where do you work?

You see the difference? The first conversation is going step-by-step off of what she is saying. It's smooth and comfortable. She doesn't even realize you're changing the subject because it's done so smoothly. The second conversation is terrible. It's rough and she's practically being interrogated.

3. Keep the Conversations Positive
There's nothing people hate more than a negative person. You know the type: Those people that complain and argue about EVERYTHING. Always try to avoid anything negative. Stuff like

"This food sucks."
"Wtf is with this line?" (You could make a funny comment about the line, but don't complain about it)
"I hate.."

Girls don't want to hear your negative talk. It brings them down and gets annoying. Keep things positive. That doesn't mean to talk like, "Oh it's a splendid day! The sun is radiating and the birds are chirping a beautiful tune in the gentle breeze". But avoid being negative. NEVER whine or complain and don't argue.


4. Understand people have opinions where there is no right or wrong
I've met so many people who always have to argue with people's opinions. That's just their way of thinking. Don't agree with a girl just for the sake of agreeing. If you have a difference of opinion, and think you can back it up, then let her know you disagree, but do it in an adult-like manner. Don't insult her way of thinking. Just like you, she probably has reasoning for her opinion. You could ask her what her reasoning is behind that. Throw in your point of view, but acknowledge her points.

5. Nouning

This is a technique I read about that will help those of you who have trouble with conversation. You'll be able to hold a conversation without a problem. It could start with the simplest of questions like, "What did you do today?" You'll learn to do this with practice without even thinking about it, but for now, here's how you do it. (this is taken from another post)
quote:

You: So what do you do with yourself?

Her: Oh, Im in Trinity College in Dublin studying Law.

Take the nouns out of this reply... (Noun: a person place or thing!)

3 Nouns in her reply:

1- Trinity College
2- Dublin
3- Law

Pick any of these and ask her a question about it! Let's say you pick 'Dublin':

You: Dublin eh? So what do ya think of the place?

OR

You: So what's the nightlife like up there?

Or if you chose 'Law':

You: So what made you choose to do Law? Is it tough?

Then she'll answer with something like:

Her: (In regard to 'Dublin' nightlife) Yeah the nightlife's excellent, especially Club Spirit. Although it can be pretty rough after the clubs close, especially in Grafton Street!

Now repeat the process, taking out the nouns and asking her questions about them.

Nouns in the previous answer: Club Spirit, Grafton Street.

Make sense? This is an easy way to keep the conversation flowing from what she just told you. I'd suggest you go out to coffee with a friend that you don't know very well and see if you can keep the conversation going using this technique.

6. Use Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer, and they easily lead to more conversation. Examples:

What are you studying?
What did you do today?

How was...?
What are your thoughts on...?
What's your stance on...? (to get her opinion on something)
What do you like about...?
What do you think about...?

7. Men want facts; women want feelings
This of course is a generalization that I read somewhere: Men like to cut to the facts. They don't like all the small talk and stuff in between. Men organize thoughts in their head and then say what needs to be said. Women use talking as a means to organize their thoughts.

Women also like to talk about feelings and how something makes them feel. The feelings associated with things. Have you ever talked to a girl for months, but the conversations were just based on facts, so you never really got to know the girl? What you want to do is take any facts she gives you, and dig deeper to get to feelings.

Girl: I really like Brad Pitt.
Guy: What is it about him that you like?
Girl: Well he's got a great sense of style. He pulls off different looks and they all work for him. He seems really confident and...

You want to get her to expand on her original thought. Let her talk but make sure you're controlling where the conversation is going. Never let the conversation go out of your control!

8. Listen to Her!
I'm sure you've all heard girls complain about guys that don't listen. If you ask the girl the proper questions and just sit back and listen, she'll tell you exactly how to seduce her. She'll tell you what she looks for, what she likes, and what she doesn't like. You guide the conversation then use this so you know what she wants to hear and how she wants to hear it. If any of you have ever done sales, you'll know what I'm talking about. Always let the customer talk first and they'll tell you what they want to hear.


Girls like guys who can keep them interested. Try to keep the conversation different. Take risks. Talk to her about stuff other guys usually wouldn't; you'll stick in her mind. Watch the news so you know what's going on in the world. You can use that to get opinions out of her if you need something to talk about.

One more technique, which is a little more advanced, is using statements instead of questions. This isn't to carry a conversation, it's just a technique you can use to change things up a bit and display a lot of confidence.

Are you tired of meeting weird guys?
=> You must be tired of meeting weird guys.

What school do you go to?
=> So tell me what school you're from

How was your day?
=> Tell me about your day

They usually start with

"So...", "Then..."
"You must..."
"You could..."
"It must be..."

Statements they take a position and a risk. If you say, "I prefer dogs", you're taking a risk. She might prefer cats. Saying, "I'm not interested in a long term relationship right now" is taking a risk.

Making these statements shows her your courage and confidence instead of being a guy who sits back and asks safe questions. It also gives you more control because you're telling her to tell you something, not asking her nicely (but stating it isn't rude either).

You don't need Q-Cards to keep a conversation going. Just go with what she says. It's as easy as that.

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DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

I really, really like this. One of the big steps to becoming successful in PUA is learning to hold long, and (at least to the girl, and hopefully to you) meaningful/connecting conversation without awkward silences. You won't ever get a higher class girl if you can't hold simple conversations for more than 20 seconds.

Remember, you think that girls will find you weird for talking to them because 1.) You find them weird when talking to them and 2.) you are constantly censoring yourself. Small talk is a girl's best friend and their sphere of reality is 100% different than yours, so stop judging situations with that "logical" brain you've used your entire life that's brought you here, in the throes of romantic failure and imminent disaster.

I think those of you who are brand new to the scene should read this daily like a Bible passage and go out and HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH WOMEN. They don't have to be attractive conversations and at first i wouldn't even suggest trying it. You need to desensetize and orient yourself in the social and sensory world of those whom you seek to attract before you can ever hope for any of these PUA techs you read about and practice at home to be useful.

Learning to have enjoyable small talk is an absolutely FUNDAMENTAL skill to natural game. Stay true and thx to civilian for the great post.

Thx Bro
Stay Jolly!

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DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

excellent article. Cheers

this is a very useful post and i would like to thank you for posting it up here. I would go on to say that it would be good for people to also read up on the subject, through books e-journals or whatever. i would recommend the art of conversation or, what to say, and when by catherine blyth. Its a good book with a lot of good information. Im not saying just do whatever it or anyone else says however i am saying you should give things like this a look as it can only help

thanks again

I.C.

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"Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated." -Ernest Hemingway

thx you guys

_________________
DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

Huge props on this post Civilian, it is incredibly helpful

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

great post, civilian. loving the NOUNING technique. it's pretty damn genius! gotta tag this thread for future reference. thanks again.

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have u ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Thx Guys,
Keep Gaming!

_________________
DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

Thanks a lot this read was very useful!

The best post I've seen on this forum regarding conversation. This should be stickied... Thank you!

thats my thoughts exactly

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DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

All of the information in the original post seems intuitive (in theory, not in my practice lol). That's my way of saying I think it's all good stuff. Cheers.

Nice work dude. Natural conversation is hard with out rapport and no one really knows how o have a conversation they just do it.

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Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com

This is just to add to your post sir.

MY style of gaming makes heavy use of conversation, of course, I'm still learning everything, but this is what I always NATURALLY did BUUUUUT I added sexual attraction to the mix, and my results got waaaaay better.

I say a lot of over the top things, as long as I've been confident with it, women usually respond well.

So, she'll say something to me like:

"So what did you do all day?"

I respond:

"Well, I jerked off for five hours straight, then I ended up robbing a bank and ordering a pizza. How about you?"

I say this straight faced, and she usually finds it hilarious. HOWEVER, you HAVE to have instilled your comical vibe in the first place or else it will become awkward. What I mean is, if you say really funny shit the first time you meet her, she will assume that's how you talk, and with the notion women want to have fun, she'll also love it. However, if I approach her trying to do some "I'm smooth and overly serious" shit, and then say something like, "Wooooooow you have sexy fucking legs" she'll be like, "uhhh what happened" in her head.

I've talked to girls I hadn't talked to in ages, and they knew me before as this sweet nice guy and said this sort of shit to them, and they seemed weirded out.

Back to my initial point in my first paragraph:

Say I'm talking to a girl and she says,

"Yeah I'm from a small town, I live in *insert random ass small town in this space*"

I'd respond something like:

"Ohhhhh shit! Really? Most girls I meet from small towns look like hunchbacks or some shit, but you're really sexy!"

She'll usually chuckle or something, then I say,

"Actually, you know what, I'm kind of disappointed now, why don't you have a hunchback?"

And this sets a comical vibe and she always finds me fun.

ADDITIONALLY, being so open and direct with the girl cuts the bullshit, so instead of spending eight million hours in a bar trying to build rapport, I cut straight through it because I already made my intentions clear.

Usually the first minute or so, if you act this way and she accepts your frame, you can pretty much do this all you want and she will almost always respond positively to you if you're confident with what you're saying. HOWEVERRRRR, I must stress, you CAN OVER DO THIS in some cases, it's ok to allllways be fun, but saying outrageous things can also come off to some girls as trying to overcompensate. Or at least, I had gotten that vibe a few times before.

Balance is key.