Yeah, it's pretty cut and dry. Girl I just went out with blurted out, "I think you're really attractive," while we were making out. I said she is, "really tiny and I think that's adorable." She then melted into a warm puddle. That's my kind of power.

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31 and still figuring it out.

not bitter, but a realist. a beautiful girl will hear she's beautiful 10 times a day. but she won't necissarily be complimented on her dress style/fragrance/something more subtle. that's the point i was making.

propping up insecurities sets a really bad frame IMO, i mean if we see a guy seeking validation from a girl, it's considered weak. no different if we see a girl seeking validation from a guy.

a well placed/earnt compliment = good social manners. i'm not anti compliments at all. but if your not giving compliments when YOU think they are deserved, your being fake to earn something (sex, whatever).

and if she's milking them from you (i.e. "i feel fat") then really she's just taken over the frame. she's a little kid asking for a cookie, and your just handing them out... first step to having her lose respect for both the compliment, and you.

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

Yeah well, some girls like comfort in a relationship. If she's got cramps and feels nasty, I'm going to validate her. Sometimes in the relationship I might feel insecure and want validation (if I get fired and feel worthless, for instance). It doesn't bother me that women are more insecure than me and need more validation, the media sets them up to be that way. So if a girl you just screwed says, "I really like your body, it has really artistic lines. Now you say something about me!" Are you just going to leave her hanging or make some stupid joke? Or if she says, "Was it good for you?" I agree that canned compliments are worthless, but sincere compliments spread joy. I don't see how being a source of joy will make a girl respect you less.

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31 and still figuring it out.

I don't think your understanding my point.

a genuine compliment may spread joy...

but if she's "fishing" for a compliment by saying "do you think i'm hot" or "i think your hot, now say something about me", it's NOT a genuine compliment. she pressed your buttons, and got her cookie. your no more than a vending maching. and guess what, she KNOWS that... and the validation becomes LESS meaningful, because she then thinks "damn, he's only telling me i don't look fat/whatever so that he can keep fucking me".

All girls like comfort in relationships. i never said not to comfort them if they are in pain/grieving etc.

but when it comes to insecurity, i think the best way to combat insecurity is to make the girl feel secure NATuRaLLY in the relationship. if she feels your in it for the right reasons, if you give GENUINE compliments when they AREN'T being fished for. if you DEMONSTRATE you value her, then she won't need to fish for the fake validations...

and if any chick asks me "was it good for you", i always answer "it was until you asked me that..."

can't stand a girl that is insecure about sexual performance... i moaned, i came... i came back for seconds... what more indication did you need that i enjoyed it...

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

So, if a girl tells you she feels ugly (for whatever reason), you just shut her down and change the subject? I didn't say you should lie to her either.

Lets just agree that if you give a compliment because you want something in return, that puts you in a needy frame. If you give a compliment just because it's something positive people do, not expecting anything back, then no harm no foul. Either way, it won't enhance or hurt your game. A thoughtful compliment makes a good opener, but there is no "compliment game".

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31 and still figuring it out.