Building attraction and comfort via text



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PostPosted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 11:23 pm 
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So met this beautiful chick through a social circle. Opened her group of friends. IOIs from the whole group. Pick of the litter, picked up her number. DHV all night, she initiates the kino. Created scarcity. Whatever whatever.


Wait a couple days

So i need feedback on this text convo. Slowly building.

Me: So I met this really amazing girl the other night, hopefully she lives up to all the hype. (4:06 PM)

Her: Guess we"ll have to seeee (4:56 PM)

Me: And delay the inevitable? No. Let's find out right now! What's your favorite color? (6:17PM)

Her: Purple! (6:20 PM)

Me: Ooo wrong. Sorry but it will just never work out between us. (6:22 PM)

Her: Ha whateverrr weirdo (6:25 PM)

Me: Its cool. We can still be friends ;) see ya later (6:40 PM)

Her: See ya dudee (6:50 PM)




OKAY. So I'm not lacking confidence but I am seeking criticism. Are you catching any subliminals from her that IM not bc she seems playful in her responsiveness. i tried to reward that. Definitely ears open on this one.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:33 am 
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IMHO, you played it perfectly until you said something about we'll never work out.

You used the right neg, but I think you used it prematurely. I like the way you led into it using, "I met this awesome girl..." and then pulled her into it. It showed her that she was the awesome girl (it shows by her enthusiasm that she was happy to be the awesome girl).

Props to that.

But, I really think you jumped the gun to negging her via text. I would suggest this:

send her a blank text message (or another one from the post on here about text message game) and reply as you see fit, just be cautious using negs so early.

hope that helps

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Worst pickup line I used, "Great! I f*cking love dogs!"....it was to a female K-9 unit officer; only after did I discover "the game" by Neil Strauss.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:08 am 
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Yeah man. You should have just kept going on doing what you were doing. Hopefully she doesn't think you're an asshole now.

Just keep talking to her, ask her out somewhere like coffee or something. If you do text, I find that girls actually like it when you say cheesy stuff to them. Texting is where I build the most attraction and comfort.

Heck, you can almost say anything and just follow it up with a jk. Last year (before I was in the game), I would flirt with a girl and randomly be like "Hey wanna make out?" And most of them will just be playful about it. If you get a negative response just say "Oh I was just kidding silly :P" They're literally that stupid.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:00 am 
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Quote:
Me: So I met this really amazing girl the other night, hopefully she lives up to all the hype. (4:06 PM)

I don't really like this opener. First of all, I feel like you're giving her way too much way too early. I mean, you don't even know her and you're referring to her as "really amazing". I realize that it's kinda tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken literally, but still, I'd prefer something more playful. Also, it kinda comes across like you have some expectations about this whole thing which may make you appear needy or clingy.

I'll defer to your judgement if you really felt like you could get away with this. After all, you were the one there talking to her all night, not me. This could be an exception, but as a general rule, I don't think it's good.


Quote:
her: Guess we"ll have to seeee (4:56 PM)
meh. ok. not a lot to go on. assume she's being playful and continue I guess.


Quote:
Me: And delay the inevitable? No. Let's find out right now! What's your favorite color? (6:17PM)
this is great. well done! when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. there wasn't tons to work with but you very smoothly turned it into an interesting conversation. i'm definitely going to steal this.

Quote:
Her: Purple! (6:20 PM)
now you've got her insta-responding to you. she's interested and the exclamation point is definitely a mini-IOI and shows that she really wants this conversation to continue.

Quote:
Me: Ooo wrong. Sorry but it will just never work out between us. (6:22 PM)
i like this for tons of reasons. it's funny, it shows you're not taking this conversation too seriously, and it's so ridiculous that she's never going to take it seriously or misinterpret it.


Quote:
Her: Ha whateverrr weirdo (6:25 PM)
she's still responding very quickly. you definitely have her attention and she seems like shes enjoying the conversation.


Quote:
Me: Its cool. We can still be friends ;) see ya later (6:40 PM)

I really don't like this. unless you had a legit reason to end the conversation, it doesnt make a lot of sense to me. i mean, she just started the name calling, so now it's on (yes, i know that it's always on). this gives you the opportunity to tease the shit out of her playfully. i might have gone with something like "you're the one who loves the color purple and I'M the weirdo? whatever you say, barney".

overall, i think you did a pretty good job, but i would have kept it going a few more messages and just left it at one 'we'd never work out' type of message.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:47 pm 
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First off... thanks for the response. The insight is something i respect of your honest opinions.
I thought about it and I really feel like I ended the interaction prematurely even though there was an opening for teasing, like you said itsalwayson. I need to be quicker and make like of anything at the drop of a hat. Its cocky/funny but seems counter intuitive when I feel the excitement of rappot building. How do you continue? Do you conciously practice an attitude or frame of mind?

Turbo92 hahaha yeah man I hope she doesn't think I'm too much of an asshole. But if she can handle it and not take it too seriously I kind of see that as making her valuable. I mean the next day we had this convo:

Me: congratualtions 6:41
Her: on whatt 6:42
Me: I was just thinking about you. Congratulations :) 6:45
Her: wowwee I feel schpeciall:) 6:47
(Insert retard joke her (but I digress))
Me: I was reading my sweedish massage book and I remembered how much you said you love massages. 7:01
Her: what r u up to handsome? 7:02
Her: omg! I doo I dooo! Maybe you can give me one sometime!7:02
(At this point it becomes obvious I have dhv. I mean I did sing for the girl ;))
Me: well okay... but don't get any ideas. Happy endings aren't free;)7:03
Her: well maybe if its good I would return the favor 7:08
Me: don't do me any favors baby. Do yourself a favor and find out. 7:18
Her: I like that 7:20

after that I said nothing... I don't know I feel like I cut it off prematurely again. And to top it off I didn't even go for a date. Its like right when she shows she's really interested... I disappear is that a good or bad thing bc its what I do naturally. Little help plz...

Anyway the next day I sent her... "mi amore!"
Actually it was yesterday...... and she never text back.... what do itake that as? Do I wait do I pursue?
Someone free me of AFC!!!! Lol


And btw library I think my opener was based of the level of connectedness I displayed to her. I can relate to what you're saying though bc the thought went through my head but I just decided not to hesite. Thanks for the response! More feedback plz.... am I overthinking it? Was this girl just busy at the time?


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:54 pm 
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Btw before I get bashed for saying "mi amore!" Hahaha
I chose the opener bc we are both italian and I thought she would get into it
So any recovery based on this extra info idk.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:57 pm 
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Don't use this line while texting, you can show it's a playful answer because you can't change your tone in a text


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:08 pm 
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Props to you man. . . you really had her going with the massage convo. You definitley ended it early. She was definitley replying in terms of sexual ones. You have to understand her mind set. You have done well with the attraction-she gave you her number, dhv-when you first met her, and your txt, push-pull/cocky funny-good. Sexual escalation-good.

Ok so you chased her, she was enjoying your interaction and you let her go. She didnt reinitiate - which is ok.

I think after you cut it off 2X that when it was getting escalated on the massage - a role play . . . could have been good!
Also think at this point you could have immediately asked for the date: I would have called and said something like "This **** Massage Parlor. . . were just calling to confirm your appointment at (whatever time and day you want to hook up) . . . will you be available (if she doesnt catch on that you are really asking her out and shes just playing along) Transition . . .repeat the day and time and say well meet at such and such. Does that work?

Hope it helps: and if anyone has criticisms for me, please I am super AFC. Havent gotten a phone number from a girl i didnt already know in 2-3 yrs


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:52 pm 
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Quote:
P
Also think at this point you could have immediately asked for the date: I would have called and said something like "This **** Massage Parlor. . . were just calling to confirm your appointment at (whatever time and day you want to hook up) . . . will you be available (if she doesnt catch on that you are really asking her out and shes just playing along) Transition . . .repeat the day and time and say well meet at such and such. Does that work?
This would actually be perfect, because it's playful but kinda expected to exchange massages, and for levels of kino its one of the highest. It allows you to caress (not touch) areas normally forbidden so soon. On top of that the chick is (or was) already to fuck, so the only thing stopping you is flow. You are flinching, and that kills it, especially if she was going to shit test you. Never slow your flow, and if you DO need to cut the conversation short, use a time constraint but stay around a little longer then you indicated;

"haha thats great I love a chick that blows bubbles! But hey, I have to get going here in a few minutes."

She's more than likely going to try to end the conversation with a bye or some shit, but keep talking like you never said it. Then when youre done, say

"Well, you've kept me longer then I wanted and now Im running late, thanks! Lol, Ill catch ya later when Im done doing whatever."

Its a neg AND a compliment, because you WANTED to talk to her knowing you were leaving, and now youre late because she held your interest. So its neg because its HER fault, and its a compliment because you wanted to keep talking.

Best bet is just randomly call her around 7 or 8pm and ask her to go somewhere, right then and there. Worst case scenario you schedule a date for the weekend or the next day. Best case scenario you get that happy ending!

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 8:57 pm 
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Wow role-playing? I wish I would have. I'm gonna keep it in my bag as a voicemail for when I call her tonight, just in case she doesn't pick up. But guys...

Seriously badass feedback. Deviated rationality, your perspective definitely opened my awareness to the flow and continuity of the routines and transitions. I forget that saying something is better than nothing in these cases. I left her hanging but can that be a good thing? Like... I DON'T want to flinch and I know exactly what you mean. Its like she's saying imattracted imattracted imattraced "ilikethat" and I just let the opportunity pass me by. Like when she straight up says she likes something I don't want to just say "I know you do." Lol

Do you understand what I mean? I'm trying to build continuity but I got hung up and I don't see what it is that put me in that frame. I guess I justified leaving her hanging bc I didn't know what the right approach to a response to "I like that" would be.

Idk now I'm even more frustrated bc I'm overanalyzing it and I just want demonstrate I'm still on top.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 10:38 pm 
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1. You can't over analyze anything. You can misinterpret, but never over analyze. Reason being: further down the line when you are more experienced, you are going to see more and more things you should have/could have done, that I didn't see or anyone else. Each realization should be treated as a lesson.

2. Leave her hanging is ok, but not at *that* point. When a woman turns to sexual thought, she typically hides it. When she does freely talk about it, she's putting her self out there and that is a vulnerability, and we all know how well women handle being vulnerable. So basically she gave herself to you, and you ignored it. It's recoverable, and not that bad this go around.

3. My response is a general push/pull neg. I would have said, "We'll see about that, in due time. For now, lets take our time and see what's what." More or less, that's what I would say. Situation dictates, as always. Most of the time Ill say "give it time," instead for the second sentence. It shows you have patience, you want her, and that your are DHV'ing because you are in no rush, while she is being pseudo-negged because she now feels she is being the horny one, and she needs to convince you to do the same(which generally is the exact opposite,) and sometimes that alone will make her seduce YOU. Not all of the time, but I've had it happen.

4. Gambler actually put it best so far: The more a person is talking/initiating contact, the more they are investing in that person/relationship. In other words, give her one or two more chances, but space them out. Don't seem to anxious. You want HER to be chasing after YOUR attention. It seems counter-intuitive but that's exactly what I'm learning right now, and out of 5 cases, I have 3 chicks vying for my attention, one was interested but lost interest, and the other just didn't get gamed right as she is a Burlesque dancer that lives 2hrs+ away from me with no job and a life so busy I rarely ever talk to her.

3 out of 5 isn't bad. On top of that, none of them think we are committed to each other, and that I do date other women (I tell them I have a 3 month dating rule before I commit.) I'm currently working on 2 more chicks, possibly 4 if I get the time. The goal here is to unite 2 or ALL of them (unlikely) for crazy sexy time. I can do that with one so far, and I'm literally training another to be a slave (slave as in BDSM, not forced slavery or sale, but a total and complete submissiveness that would do anything and everything I want.)

Moral of the story: Keep a consistent flow of game, never flinch, and be totally honest and up front about what you want. Most women will respect you more, and in the end, if things don't work out, you have a good reference and a new pool of chicks to date because that chick WILL talk about you with her friends, and that is another great avenue to walk down since you already have social proof and High Value.

Edit: If I was you I would stay away from the sexual innuendo for now and let it build back up, as opposed to jumping right in again and hoping shes a slut. This way, she will think there's something more than just sex in your head. Start off with a story or two about some shit like girls that have muffin tops or outrageous fashion from the 80s that should have stayed in the 80s

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 2:11 am 
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wow man, you sure choose some interesting times to end your conversations lol.

as far as my frame goes, i like to be playful and teasing. the more attractive the girl, the less likely she's being teased and messed with by the other guys pursuing her. they're just being their nice boring selves and you're setting yourself apart with your wit and playful banter. at least that's the plan haha.

obviously you don't want to come across as an arrogant asshole. i think a lot of guys overdo this type of thing trying to be too witty or creative and end up being either too mean or too tryhard. I would say that 80% normal conversation with like just 20% of you teasing her and being silly/random is enough to do it. As David D has been known to say about c&f, this stuff is just a spice.

Quote:
Her: omg! I doo I dooo! Maybe you can give me one sometime!7:02

Me: well okay... but don't get any ideas. Happy endings aren't free;)7:03
I think you gave in way too quickly here. I would have gone with the 'what's in it for me?' approach and see if you could get something out of her. that might have really brought her sexual side out.

I have a general rule (stolen from Lovedrop, IIRC) that whenever a girl asks for something from me, no matter what it is, i don't just immediately give it to her. once you develop this and work it into your game, you'll immediately set yourself up to be a challenge almost subconsciously. it's one of those subtle yet powerful things i feel every guy should internalize.

also, i think deviated rationality gave you a lot of great advice/opinions that you should definitely heed. great job by him itt.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 3:03 am 
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Thanks for the praise. If you think i deserve it, hit the rep buttons on the + side :D

I think more people need to make use of the Reputation scale, and not just for shits and gigglez. If someone really deserves it, don't forget to give it to them!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 3:52 am 
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Don't sweat it! Don't Rush it!

I agree with deviated on point #2 it was a mistake. . .but you learn. It is very easy to come back from that!
-She probably thought she scared you away. . .because every time she began to tease "with" you, you took off.

I would definitely not chase her at this point . . .she is not answering for several reasons she was busy or she thought she became vulnerable and put herself on the line and you told her you didn't want her. -She is now trying to regain her value and worth! -she will gain this if you chase!

Here's the catch you need to chase without chasing: you want her to get her value back or become comfortable with you again . . .but you don't want to lose value or have her gain more value than you.

I think you should give it a day or 2 . . .before re-initiating again (only if you think she is invested in you and you have high value in her eyes) If not I would Text her or call once a day (not both) Also steer clear from doing so at such times to help you build value: Don't call or text on Friday, Saturday night after 7 or 8 pm. You can call from 11-1pm (lunch hours) and after 5pm. This innately will show you have higher value when she sees the time you called or text.

I like how you went right into direct game with her - good display of confidence and she was drawn to that -seen by her response.

When she says she likes that . . . you dont have to respond in a cocky matter. you could try cocky/funny or say something like you're totally a jello girl. . .(switch topic but still fun) her: what do you mean? You could give explanation: (cant think of anything now sorry lol) or you could switch/build whats your favorite flavor? She will be thinking so many things . . .

Never be afraid to get to know her more personally though. . .you can ask things like wow you seem pretty adventurous. . . whats the craziest adventure you have ever had? What would the craziest adventure be like for you? What do you like to do. . .

*****Very important: If you are going for the date go for the date: Like what you have done is good so far: Ask if she would like to come out with you and before she responds say something outlandish like who would win between spongebob and a Turtle? It will side track her mind relieve the pressure or automatic response she had and she will think about it and choose which to respond to. If she responds to the turtle/spongebob don't take it as rejection - she may still respond later or you have not built enough value or comfort with her yet. . . so you know where you need to focus!*****

All criticisms and thoughts on my advice are appreciated!


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