First off, let me begin by saying that I'm no stranger to PUA.

I listened to RJ's Speed Seduction. I have Tyler Durden's Blueprint. I read David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating. I listened to DiCarlo's Dating Diablo. I read Sex God.

It's been three years. I am now 20, and still a virgin. I have-

-Gone to the gym
-Lost enough weight and gained enough muscle to be complimented by my primary care physician.
-Found hobbies[paintball, skateboarding, Martial Arts]
-Found Friends
-Went to Parties
-Improved my conversational skills.

However, my situation has totally failed to improve, because of a few rogue elements that no PUA guru seems to have accounted for.

I live in the boondocks, the South Shore of Long Island, New York. All the best clubs are an hour's drive away. The closest mall is a half-hour away. I drive a big car, it drinks a lot of gasoline, so it makes going out difficult for me. Most of my friends are also far away.

As if that weren't bad enough, I also have familial issues.

My mother is on several strong medications prescribed to her by her psychiatrist. She has Major depressive disorder, and constantly reminds me that I'm the only reason she gets out of bed. Most of my waking hours are spent taking care of her, making sure she eats, keeping an eye on her, driving her to the shops, to the grocery store, to her doctor, her psych, and so on.

The medications have zombiefied her. She has no energy, she's most listless, and prone to falling over. Last week, we were outside the grocery store, and she fell down in the parking lot, said she lost her balance. She's heavy - lives a sedentary lifestyle and doesn't exercise - so she injured herself a bit. I've had to take care of that as well.

If I go out with my friends, it upsets her visibly. She pretends to be okay with it, but then she'll throw in something like how when she's dead and cold in her grave how I'll miss spending time with her. She is horribly misanthropic, hates socializing, hates friendship, distrusts everybody, and generally radiates the exact opposite of everything PUA related. I am more or less the only person she talks to at all. She shuns her friends.

I can't move out and get a job because my father has no money to assign a caretaker for her. She also goes on crying jags, becomes extremely angry, and upset at the thought of me going to college. I have been homeschooled most of my life by her, which further complicates things, and has strengthened her attachment to me. She makes a point of mentioning how she should just kill herself in front of me, regularly.

When I'm out with her, any hopes of sarging I might have had are gone. Women give me dismissive stares, look disgusted, afraid, or laugh behind my back. If I talk to a woman by some miracle, my mother runs over and yells, "I'M HIS MOTHER", and usually the woman disappears like melting snow.

By myself, which is very, very rare, I get smiles and looks from women. I can carry on a conversation well, and I've been told many times that I'm a great guy to be around. Once, a JHB9 opened me, but in my shock and dismay at being approached by such a goddess, I let her slip away. I was unprepared for being met with such a warm, clean frame, and so many IOI's at once. By expecting adversity and meeting adversity so regularly, I didn't know what to do when it was handed to me.

I was extremely angry at myself for days, letting a prime opportunity slide by like that.

My mother also buys most of my clothing. I wear sweatpants, sneakers, and a T-shirt most of the time. No woman will pick up a guy in sweats. It just doesn't happen. But if I suggest anything else, she starts crying and talking about how she's a bad mother. I can't peacock, I can't choose my wardrobe. I have no job, so I can't buy my own clothes.

I'm at my wit's end here. Please, if anyone has any ideas, I could use them.

Here's an idea, stop making retard excuses. Women are everywhere. Unless you live in a dying town that is only populated by people that are too old to move away, there are women in your area. Try online dating if you're out of ideas. Yeah, yeah, life is hard, your parents are leeching your energy. You know what, these are people that are supposed to take care of YOU when you're young. If you're spending all your energy taking care of one or both of your parents, you're getting fucked over.

That all said, it doesn't sound like you have a lot of options. You're gonna have to focus on the positive, focus on the shit that you DO have control over, and put #1 first. If you're considering suicide, join the military. It's a surefire way to win your independence and cut ties to people that are basically dragging you into their graves. I decided to live 1200 miles away from my family because they were killing me; emotionally and financially. Don't give up, and don't wait for your mother to die before claiming your freedom. I was pretty much a virgin at 20, too. I turned out pretty fucking good, you can too.

Not too bad of a guess, actually. I live in Suburbia Hell, everyone on my block is over 60+, or they died, or they moved out. I go downtown, and there's a Home Depot, some 7-elevens, fast-food joints...kinda hard to get your mack on in a McDonald's, but I've seen some hot chicks there. I think you got something there.
I swore to my family I'd never join any armed forces. Some more background on my mother: she's an immigrant to America, and dislikes everything the US stands for, in spite of living in it. She and my father insisted that none of their children would fight for this country. I really do want to enter the Air Force, I've researched it and thought about it a lot, but I couldn't because of my vow.

Obviously, I've got to kick all that shit to the curb. She won't stop reminding me that if I leave the house for more than two days, the shock would kill her, so I probably just have to grit my teeth and live with it.

I'm not considering suicide though. I'm just frustrated with myself. There's no reason for me to be a virgin at this age, and I'm watching my youth pass me by while I spend my waking hours in my house taking care of my mom. I want to LIVE, not die. I want to go and do and see things.

sarging is not everything in life bro.

its just ur way of getting more comfortable with urself and then with others.

as for ur issue, i totally feel u. but it dosnt seem to me like you have a choice.

why dont u try moving somewer nearby along with family, someplace wher u can find a job and come back home pretty quick?

u gotta study there no other go, u HAVE to.

the global job scenario is so much that with home schooling i dont think u can find a place anywhere.

study further, convince them sumhow, im sure ull make it.

every1s born with brains, its how much of it which we make use that matters.

put ur heart into it.

unless u do something concrete in ur life there no point just sitting n thinking about the worries.

great things happen only after great choices.

dont lose hope.

a lot of multi millionaires in this world came from the streets, had little or absolutely nothing.
they only thing they had in them was the determination, the NEED o live a better life.

lifes full of shit. u gotta face it.

take care bro

I feel for you mate, I really do. The way I see it is this:

You are at a crossroads. One road leads to great prospects. The other leads to great pain. From your post I believe that your mother has told you how to do things your whole life and you have been around her all the time, spending very little time away from her. She's scared of losing you and you're scared of having the life you want because it means not conforming to what your mother wants. Your mother is selfish, that isn't being disrespectful, that's the truth. She is depressed and is dragging you down, it's not fair. Life's too short to live it in someone else's mould.

I urge you to talk to your mother and tell her your feelings. Even if you don't think she'll listen, even if you KNOW she won't listen, tell her you feelings anyway. If she doesn't accept you then that's her problem - she's the stubborn and selfish one to believe you should do everything she wants. I know you're scared of losing her respect but upsetting her doesn't mean you are being disrespectful. Telling her what she doesn't want to hear doesn't mean it's disrespectful. YOU HAVE LIVED THE LIFE SHE WANTS YOU TO LIVE FOR TOO LONG AND NOW IT'S TIME TO CHANGE.

You are still a young man - seize the day and spread your wings. Go and join the military if that's your dream and don't let anyone get in your way - even if you love them. Live your own life, not your mothers.

Well, if you join the Airforce, chances are you won't do any fighting anyway; your vow would still be intact. Just like a girl who vows to save herself for marriage and only gives bj's and does anal. Your mother lived her life, she had a kid. You're not obligated to give her your life, too. Just because your parents hate this country, you don't have to. You ALWAYS have options.

Fastway, I know how you feel, my mother is bipolar and schizophrenic and thank God the medication usually keeps her almost "normal" so she can go work! But I have been living alone with her in the past, when she was suicidal and depressed.

What you have to realize is, how unfortunate it is: you're mother is not thinking right, because that is a part of her illness. So you can't talk with her rationally. YOU and your father have to make sure she doesn't buy you clothes she doesn't want. YOU HAVE TO BE THE ADULT in this kind of situation.

And you HAVE to get education/a job, preferrably both! You can't be a full time caretaker for your mother forever!

How long as she been on this heavy medication?
I don't know how you're health insurance situation is and what options there are for better SPAM, but you and your father have to find a way that someone else can keep her supervised or even better she gets better SPAM, so that she can be left alone, even if you have to move to another town, which you probably must.

There are self-help groups and centers for advice how to cope with these situations.

and if you find a job and can support your familiy so that they can afford a professional caretaker or other help for your mother, that will help all of you more than you taking care of her full time!

For now: just focus on onine dating and don't worry about the clothes, since it's a boring town, just think to yourself that you're the highlight and any female who meets you there should be glad.

Try not to let your Mom drag you down, take control of the situations!

Really hope this helps!

oh and p.s. there are other options than the airforce, don't do a rash decision

First off, EXTREME props for dealing with this. That is some tough shit.

I presume this is a dumb question, but why doesn't your father do some of the caretaking? You could get a part-time job and try and make some money as well, possibly use those opportunities for sarging.

If your father has a full-time job and this is not possible, you could honestly look around for welfare programs. I get the feeling that there's probably some welfare out there for people who have one parent that is crippled so severely.

Even if there isn't, I presume your mother goes to sleep fairly early, and for a long time? Also, presumably, your father is home late. I would try and apply for online classes or try and go to night school.

Best of luck man.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long to reply, I have been dealing with Real Life Issues(TM), much along the same lines as before. My mother is on a NEW psychiatric drug prescribed by her therapist, which means more stress on my part. Having her change medications is always a trial.

AFC ROYAL: Not a dumb question, actually. My father just doesn't care. He believes that my mom will just 'snap out of it' someday and decide not to be mentally ill. He has interesting views on this sort of thing.

He is rarely in the house to begin with. In fact, there's many a night where he'll just go over to his brothers(my uncles)or stay out late until like 4:00AM, and then come back and go directly to sleep. When he wakes up, he leaves immediately for work. This happens every day. Even the weekend.

I have considered taking online classes, and have in fact been occupying myself with finding out a good place. It's difficult for us to get welfare, because we make just enough money to get above the poverty line. Thing is, most of the money my father earns goes directly to his job in the form of tools, material, parts, and paying his workers.

FEMME85:

She has been on this heavy medication for approximately four years. I was 13 when she had her first major panic attack. That was when I started having to stay in the house frequently. She would have fits if I left, and generally had problems coping on her own. Her life consisted of lying on the couch, staring at the wall, and watching TV instead of sleeping.

She proceeded to have two more major panic attacks, the last one resulting in her hospitalization. Then she was referred to a psychiatrist, who immediately started her on a regime of Paxil, Xanax, and Remeron to help her sleep.
Rather than helping, the drugs more or less began to sap her of her energy and vitality. She gained weight, she sank deeper into depression, and refused to leave the house unless I went with her. I kid you not, she said that when I'm out of the house all she wants to do is stay under the covers and never leave.

I was 16 then. I live nearby a gym, so I can go there very quickly - an hour is the longest I stay there - and then return. If I'm longer out than that, she calls me excessively, asks me what I'm doing, where I'm at, and when I'm returning. I'm now 20, and she hasn't improved a bit. If anything, it's gotten worse. She's begun falling down around the place, passing out from the drugs and being unable to move from where she's sitting or lying, and as I said, she instantly throws a tantrum, with crying fits, if I suggest that I'll be over at anyone else's house, or if I say I'm going to a party.

My father sees that she's losing her mind slowly, but it's a joke to him. He mocks her for not remembering things, calls her a psycho, etc. It's all fun and games from his point of view.

She joined a self-help group, but left it, saying that she hates people and wants nothing to do with them. This was after they suggested that she go outside occasionally. I've considered going to one myself, but I can only imagine how much more shit I'd have to take from my parents if I did so.

Minsok:

I've been told that by two of my friends who joined the armed forces. I've been seriously considering it, especially since everyone talks about how the AF is like Military College. The guys were talking about how they were chilling on base with their laptops and MP3 players and whatnot after taking classes.

DesertSun:

I'm more afraid that I might indirectly cause her death. She keeps dropping hints about committing suicide...talking about buying a bunch of pills and eating them, hanging herself, and all kinds of other disturbing things. Needless to say, I'm not a fool or a baby, so I already know the message she's sending.

Plus, she has a weak heart(unsurprising, because she hates exercise). So, I'm not so much worried about losing her respect as I am about losing her, period. Mind you, I'm a big boy, I used to get along fine without her when she was immobile on a couch. I cooked my own food, went shopping for groceries, and interacted with her. But I know for a fact that my father will hold it against me forever if that happens. He's a great, kind man like that.

But you are most absolutely right in saying that this can't continue. Even her psychiatrist tells her that she has to let go of me. She hates him for that, unfortunately...

Mystrix:

Thanks for the support. Yes, I know sarging isn't everything. Yet I still feel slightly pathetic for not being able to go out and run game on some chicks. I feel like -that guy-...you know, the guy who stays at his parents' house and doesn't do anything. The thing is, I want to do stuff, but I basically am prevented from doing so, and have been for a while.

My father is adamant about not moving. If I try to talk to him about something he doesn't want to do, he just leaves the house. There's no point in trying to argue with him if he's not even listening.

I hate to say this, but if your mom is ruining your life, you're a big boy now, you should leave her 2 years ago, get your own place, find a job and do whatever the hell you want to do. To be honest, you sound like a 10 year old now, complaining about your miserable life.

Get yourself together. There is nothing in this world, however dear to you, that should tie you down like that. You're a man now and you gotta have control of your life, cause you've got only one chance to live a life you, not your mom, want.

I hope all goes well. Live for yourself....

Agreed, put on your big boy pants. No one likes a guy that's stuck and won't do anything to get himself out. It's especially revolting to women. You don't even have a plan. It sounds like you just intend to stay where you are until your mom dies, which could effectively make you a 40 year old virgin. I know she's your mom, but if she's threatening to kill herself unless you waste your life with her, you need to say fuck it, your real mother died a long time ago and left you with this soul sucking ghost. If she attempts suicide, call the police and let the state sort her out; it's probably the best way this could end. If she doesn't attempt suicide, then you know she's all talk, and you're freer than you think.

You have other options, you could talk to her psychiatrist about how her meds don't work. Just freaking DO SOMETHING. Looking at your responses, you haven't DONE shit since opening this topic. Look at your damn options already instead of telling everyone how any advice they give is impossible. Your solution is on your side of the computer, no-one here can solve this shit for you. If you want pick up advice, we can help you there; but that's the least of your problems right now. You sure don't need to be dragging some sweet young girl into your personal hell.

Fastway,

I've gotta say, you sound pretty mature and emotionally healthy given your excruciatingly difficult situation. I've got a mom that is very overbearing and controlling, though not to the extreme that your's is at. She works, but is very emotional and unstable, I've fought with her constantly since childhood. After college I lived at home till I was 25 because I'd always been told by both my parents that I was worthless and I'd never make it on my own, and I believed them. Eventually things got so unbearable that I made a decision to move. I quit my shitty fast food job, sold my car and moved the fuck outta there and into the city after finding a decent apt on craiglist. I've been living here for the past year, eventually found a good paying job, and now I'm doing improv at Second City and trying to work on my pickup and social skills in general. Still a virgin tho, cross your fingers .

I think in your case, if the Air force is something you would really be ready to get into, that's probably your easiest ticket out. Your mother will be forced to either grow up or commit suicide, and I hate to say it, but you'd be better off in either scenario. My parents and especially my mom were the biggest drain on me, it was only after I stopped listening to their BS and moved away from them did I actually start to really evolve and grow as a person. And that's what you need to do asap. You might be able to handle your mother now, but eventually you'll reach a breaking point where you'll do the right thing and leave.

I know how tempting it can be to sacrifice yourself for your mother (especially when she has medical issues) but don't do it. Don't waste your prime just because your mom doesn't have her shit together. A situation like yours (I'm all to familiar) is exhausting and the negative energy will drag you down and consume you. Get the fuck out while you still can.