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Hello NoMoreMrNiceGuy,
Your situation reminded me of a short story called "First Love" by Ivan Turgenev. You're couple of years older than the protagonist in that story, but the girl and your role in her life seems alike. If you decide not to go to the party, you should read it online instead.
Now about your attraction toward this girl. It is only natural that you would want to spend time with her, get her to know you and to see the new self that you've managed to finally create out of your old "nice guy." Natural because, as you said, "attraction is not a choice," and you're absolutely right, so I say you do what your heart tells you. If you do deny your feeling, you deny yourself, she might notice you, but soon you'll stop being who you are and you are, right now, the guy who has feelings for this girl or the guy who wants to fuck her, whatever direction your attraction is taking you.
I would go to the party, especially if there are 6 other guys invited. I find it much more interesting with competition around, and it's a better way for her to get to know you. Sounds ironic, I know, but the truth is, it's much, much easier to show who you are when you're alone with the girl, when you have her all to yourself, it's similar to living in a rural cottage, where it is extremely easy to be calm, relaxed, enjoying the stillness and slowness of life and connecting with nature. The exact opposite of which is an apartment in New York, where it is extremely hard to find piece of mind; this is similar to the party you're invited to. Now the real genius, to paraphrase Emerson, is one can find peace in this noisy neighborhood, after all, anyone can do so in wilderness.
Going to this party and doing your own thing will show first to you, who you really have become, and then to her who you really are. The bigger man will leave the background and become the center of attention, for her and therefore the group or vice-versa. If you neither seek attention, nor ignore her (denying your attraction and therefore lying to yourself and everyone else around you) in due time she will see you and (woman are good at this) you will see an indication of interest in her.
Just some things to think about. I just want to say congratulations on your transformation and best of luck whether you decide to ignore this girl or follow your heart.
Thanks a lot my friend. I'm learning from those posts every day.
In fact, today I have chosen to take an assertive line by being honest about some disputes with my friends. It has worked out and I am proud of it. At least I have chosen to be someone and not to let them run over me.
My feelings towards her are not purely sexual, there's more to it. I don't just want to fuck her but also find out if she really does have a vulnerable side, and is not the hypocrite and she shallow slut that people claim she is. She's very extravagant and everybody notices when she enters the room. She is a drama queen, but at least she leaves a very explicit impression. Which doesn't mean that every thing she does is oke for me but in some way she keeps me interested.
I think I will join her party but I'm not sure what to think about it. Many guys will not attend and I'll be surrounded by her female friends of a similar age. TBH I think she has invited me to brag to her friends that someone much older likes her.
Given that prospect I'm not too sure if joining it is a good idea. I don't want to be her tool. I think I'll just stop by for a short time and then leave
I hope to keep it up in the changing process
CHAT
do you want to fuck her, or get her into a ltr or am i not getting what you mean?