Journal Entry 06/23/10 02:40:38 AM



Today is the first day that I am going to attempt to journal my life. I have been trying to surround myself with inner game material for the past few weeks, recognizing that I don't feel the way I would like to. I've been trying to get my hands on some good NLP Ross Jeffries material. I don't really know what that is, or what to expect if I ever find it, but credible people have referenced his material as a good instruction in inner game. I've also been trying to find applicable inner game material from Neil Strauss and style life, as from the media I've seen of him, he seems like he is genuinely at ease (Very rare, even from gurus). I did get my hands on his Master of the Game pack, and the parts with Ross Jeffries (now even higher on my hit list), Carlos Xuma, and Hypnotica have been very intriguing. Xuma, I believed talked about journaling as a helpful inner game technique, and I found the same sentiment on the PUA forums. I need to start posting, but I feel it would be helpful to actually be talking to girls (or people) before I get into that.


02:50:38 AM


The big resource that I recently found was David Deangelo's Deep Inner Game seminar. I say it is Deangelo's, but the doctor has really done all of the explaining. One basic idea is that a person should have strong personal boundaries. These boundaries should separate what we control from what we don't, and we should build the boundaries such that they keep the bad out, and let the good in. He takes this idea in various directions, explaining how trying to control things outside our boundaries brings suffering (via expenditure of emotional energy), and how stressors can bring hurt and pain, and those are resources that we may use to better ourselves, using our observing ego (or inner life coach). I haven't come close to finishing those videos yet, but right now, I'm wondering what actions I should take and sink my teeth into to improve (i.e. get in any way, shape, or form) my inner game. I've been hearing a lot about why I may feel the way I feel, and I've been hearing a lot about what state of mind I should strive for, but I haven't heard a lot about what to actually do to get from point A to point B. Or rather, from A to B to C to D to E to …...


03:02:11 AM


So that's what I've been focusing on in the past few days. That, and my vast amount of schoolwork (I'm getting a PhD, so I'm very busy and poor). Am I overusing parentheses? Anyways, I've cobbled together fully two ways to try to improve my inner game. The first, of course, is journaling. The second is slow, full, conscious, rhythmic breathing. I try to keep my upper body straight. Deep Inhale. Hold for a second. Controlled Exhale. Hold for a second. Repeat. I am trying to do this for extended periods of time. Last night I did it for about 20 minutes, and while I couldn't keep my mind from wandering, I felt that strange, toxic energy (Like when you remember something particularly embarrassing, except I feel that way to some degree all of the time for no reason) dissipate to a startling degree. I really did feel much calmer and much more positive. So that is one technique I will keep, and try to do every day. I feel like I have taken a big step towards being peaceful and relaxed when I am entirely alone and away from any pressure. So still, a lot more to accomplish.


03:15:03 AM


There is something else that I need to do, that I know for a fact will improve my inner game. Right now, I have tests to study for, a class to prepare to teach, and an apartment in need of some cleaning. The last one could be done fairly quickly, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I've noticed a strange phenomenon about how I behave; When I have only one thing on my plate, I get on it very quickly. When I have multiple obligations to handle, I procrastinate, saying to myself that I shouldn't be taking care of one of those issues, because I have other pressing issues and I won't have time. Then, I end up doing nothing productive. I shouldn't be cleaning my apartment because I need to be preparing for class. I shouldn't be preparing for class because I should be studying. I shouldn't be studying because I should be cleaning my apartment.
Don't get me wrong, I have been chipping away at my duties, but I haven't done nearly as much as I could have, and that needs to change. In fact, right now, I am writing down specific goals for tomorrow. Short Version: create 10 lesson plans.
Crappy thing about studying for a test is that you never know when you have studied enough to get the A, and you always wonder if you are studying the right things, and constructing the information framework the right way. That statement works for inner game improvement and pick up as well as it works for a PhD program. Of course, fail in a PhD program, and you are done trying to get a PhD. Fail with a woman or a social situation, and you can always find others. This should make approach easier, but it doesn't. I spend so little time with people that I take everything from everyone personally. I know this is wrong, and it's one reason I want to develop inner game.


03:27:29 AM


Big, crucial topic: I need to spend time with people. I know I have next to no social skills, and I'm fairly certain I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (Another goal for tomorrow: See campus psychiatrist), but I need to get over it. To use PUA lingo, I have all of these limiting beliefs. It's summer, I won't be able to find any girls. My car is shit, if I drive it to a club or bar, I would be embarrassed. I'm one of those 95% of guys who will have a bad experience, freak out, and hide in my apartment for the following week (not much to lose there). It's raining, I'll look like an ass hole walking the strip. Terrible body language. Terrible voice tonality. Won't be able to think of anything to say. Not enough people, If I fuck up, which I will, I'll become infamous on campus (even though campus consists of about 35,000 people, and city consists of about 350,000)
I'm ugly, somehow fat and skinny at the same time. I want to say like Dale Gribble, but my reality and body image isn't that warped. I'd say I'm more Gribble-esque. And I really only have a stomach when I'm sitting down. I have bad skin, and can never manage to look clean no matter how many times I shower and wash my face. (Another goal for tomorrow: Set up appointment with dermatologist). Can you tell that I fixate too much on my looks? I've heard plenty of times that looks don't matter; knowing it and feeling it are two different things.
I know what the SPAM is for all of these limiting beliefs, but bringing myself to go through with it is the hardest thing. It's another reason why I am so interested in inner game. I'm hoping it would make these hard things a little bit easier. I'll say it. Another goal for tomorrow: go out and talk to at least 10 attractive girls, and at least 20 people. Aaaarghh, too much stuff to do tomorrow! (Another limiting belief). Another goal for tomorrow: Buy Sensuopoly for club time fun, paste on extra blue squares. You know, If I post this, I would be more likely to actually follow through.


03:50:52 AM


I need to come up with more general goals. What goals do I have in terms of women? What professional career goals do I have? Who do I want to be on the inside? I just read this on the forum, I should ask myself what I want to look, sound, move, smell, and feel like? Definitely good to have goals. Vague notions of what I want may be more damaging than helpful.
Lots more to write about, but it's getting early, so I should get some sleep. Before I go, I need to toss around some pseudonym/nickname ideas.

1)The Rambler
To unfocused, rambler gives off that 'vague ambitions' vibe.
2)The Slider
Love Marc Bolan and T-Rex, but I don't do drugs, and sliding just sounds like a lack of control.
3)The Parisian
I'm not from Paris, and it sounds kind of gay.
4)The Smoke Detector
Like the implications, but it just doesn't feel right. Feels too try hard and goofy.
5)The Student
Decent web pseudonym, but it's probably already taken. I don't think I could ever use this with women, or as any kind of public persona. Not charismatic enough.
6)Satyr
Again, probably taken





About me:
23 years old
I play a little guitar
I do a little rock climbing
I do a lot of studying, I'm getting a PhD
I've read a bit, Style, Mystery, Ross Jeffries, David Deangelo, the obvious
I wouldn't say I actually have any technique. I've read things, never
implemented anything.
I'm extremely poor right now, but have a friend who is into this stuff. Most
of what I've got has come from him, or a huge second-hand media/book
store. And ebay.


I want to make this a daily thing, should I keep it here? Should I do a new thread for each, or one long running thread? Ah, nobody will get this far.

Oh, and the paragraph indentation dropped away when I copied and pasted from word, so if this post seems a bit disjointed, sorry.


04:19:53 AM

Welcome to the forums.

It seems like you have started to build a foundation of your PUA game by reading a variety of materials and methods.

The most important thing you can do is not take yourself, or talking to women, so seriously.

In my opinion, the art of pickup or getting girls is called "the/a game" not because we are tricking/gaming girls into having sex; but because if we think of picking up girls as a game, it becomes easier. Realizing that rejection from a girl can't hurt you, and that you can almost literally press the reset button when a set goes bad, eject, and then start over with a new set.

It's all easier said then done, and just like everything in life, you will only get better by doing.

No amount of reading/studying can replace actually doing. You could spend 1000 hours studying for every 1 hour of actually talking to girls. So read until you have a better understanding with what girls want, and then trial and error until you get better.