Hi
I'm on the crossroad looking to the left and right don't know which way to take...

I've been meeting "that girl" who has broken up with her boyfriend. I started from LJBF zone. I've been trying to get out of it... sometimes worked sometimes I put myself back to that great place. Now I'm aware I don't want the relationship but she can be my friend.

Looks great. Problem solved... though.

I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks. But still got feeling for her. Each time when she calls me and I screw it up on the phone - I'm down... Each time when I see/getting to know her having an attractive lifestyle. (Which I don't have at the moment) I'm flying down to the bottom. It hurts. Each time when I put my mind to the position where I'm the lord of my life - she's showing me I'm not. She's the only one that somehow can make me feel like that.

I see each situation as something to learn from. And deep inside I'm glad I'm making these mistakes. ...

I also don't want to feel like sh**. And she's making me feel like one. I'm wondering: what's better? The way of creating an lifestyle with her around making me feel like noone - and learning time after time or just focusing at creating the lifestyle without that great source of women knowledge?