If a girl have a really sad past that is similar to yours. Should you talk about your past to her?

Like this girl I like was abandoned by her father when she was little. She sort of told me about it, but didn't go into details.

I told her that my father left me when I was little too. I also didn't go into details.

So my question is should I talk about my father to her?

What effects might this have? Would this ruin the chances of us being together as couple ?

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

The thing is with talking about your problems is that if your gaming a girl, she wants you to be fun, interesting, high value etc. By talking about your problems, you show weakness, your serious, and it's not realy fun. it might show her that you're pittyfull.

However, in this case, if she was abandoned by her father and you ar abandoned by your father, you can create a huge emotional connection with her by telling her about it right. you're not gonna be pathitic about it. you say something like "i know how you feel, my father abandoned me too when i was young and me too i had a hard time". because you have the same experience, you can start telling things about herself before she ever talked about. she will be like "yeah! exactly" " or "how do you know?", and she might give you the doggy-dinner-bowl look. you will be the (only) guy who understands her, you will be different, you might be the one who will heal her woonds, and in the same way, she might want to be the one to heal yours.

however, don't stick to it. once you've created a good emotional connection, you'll have a great trust and comfort, and thus rapport. so get of the subject when you feel you have created enough emotional connection and start a converstation about something funny or a passion. then just kino her etc., and she will be a 90% succes rate for the kiss close.

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You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

Well, it should make it easy to state match. Then move the vibe back to fun.

"Don't be the shoulder she cries on; be the one who makes her laugh again."

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Don't hate, just dominate.

IMO it's best to associate positive feelings to yourself when it comes to seduction. Frame control conversations so that they avoid negativity and move toward something positive and sexual.

I was on a date one time and the girl started talking about something sad. I immediately stopped her and told her straight up, "Hey, when you're with me, I want it all to be about feeling good," and I changed the topic to something that made her smile and feel good. She became one of my closest FWBs.

You don't want girls to be associating negative feelings to you, or else you might become the emotional tampon who's such a great friend who knows how to listen to all her problems.

Also, some girls might be nothing but negativity. It's best to avoid those types of people.

Can you expand a little more on the association of negative feelings and you? how might that happen in my scenario?

From how I see it. By caring about her, this associates me with positive feelings, not negative feelings. Sorry, but I don't truly understand where you are trying to get at, and I would appreciate a thorough answer.

Lastly, what's wrong with being her emotional tampon? Isn't being able to support someone emotionally a criteria that fosters a positive relationship? When I say support someone emotionally, I don't just mean being able to make them laugh, but also to take your time to show that you understand their problems and that you are there to help her go through it.

Thanks in advance.

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

This is why all those girls you've tried to get with in the past have given you the LJBF, assuming you've tried to hook up with girls before.

By accessing painful memories and retelling them, she's putting herself in the same negative emotional state from that memory. She will then make an involuntary subconscious association between that negative state and you simply because you're there.

Example from a scientific study: If someone has a stomach ache, they will like the people around them less.
The way you are rationalizing this is the same thing every other white knight AFC virgin nice guy does.
You have a lot of studying to do. Please refer to David Deangelo.

All in all, being the "nice guy" won't get you anywhere. That's common knowledge here.

“By accessing painful memories and retelling them, she's putting herself in the same negative emotional state from that memory. She will then make an involuntary subconscious association between that negative state and you simply because you're there.”

I agree, but the positive feelings she now associates with me outweighs the negative, and I will use Shyler’s point to expand on this:

“if she was abandoned by her father and you ar abandoned by your father, you can create a huge emotional connection with her by telling her about it right. you're not gonna be pathitic about it. you say something like "i know how you feel, my father abandoned me too when i was young and me too i had a hard time". because you have the same experience, you can start telling things about herself before she ever talked about. she will be like "yeah! exactly" " or "how do you know?", and she might give you the doggy-dinner-bowl look. you will be the (only) guy who understands her, you will be different, you might be the one who will heal her woonds, and in the same way, she might want to be the one to heal yours.”-Shyler

She now sees me as someone who will be able heal her wounds, and in the same way she might want to heal my. The positive feelings she associates me from sharing about my past with her outweighs the negative.

The experimental example you provided highlights that when people have a bad day they generally feel more negative towards the people around them. In the experimental example, I guess all I have to do is just walk up to the person and ask them if they are ok. Won't they like me more for this?

Lastly, in regards to the point you implied about it being bad to be her emotional tampon and putting you in the LBFZ, there is a phrase “My lover is also my best friend”. Aren't good lovers ones who can emotionally help and make each other stronger?

"All in all, being the "nice guy" won't get you anywhere. That's common knowledge here."

I think that phrase needs to be changed to "All in all, being "JUST" the nice guy won't get you anywhere"

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

lol you're fucking stupid bro....

Like I give a shet? If you're so smart, then learn to back up what you say if you can. Unless ur being sarcastic, then thx.

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

Read the forum rules. This is your warning for flaming.
Wait until after you have sex with her to establish that emotional connection or else those strong feelings of connection may not go in the direction you wanted it to go.

Those "positive feelings" you create do NOT outweigh the negative in regards to what's important in seduction. Stop trying to be a white knight. It doesn't work. Despite what Disney fairy tales have told you, women don't want to be rescued. Well, at least not the sane women with a decent level of self-esteem anyway. Instead, they want to be stolen away by an adventurer who can show her a brand new world without any attachments or connections to her old world.
You can't run before you learn how to crawl. The "just friends" guy tries to be the friend first and becomes asexual in the eyes of the woman. The lover who is also a great friend was her lover first.

The lover who is also a great friend is actually making a great sacrifice by becoming the guy who will listen to her problems. He is decreasing the spiciness of their love life by becoming less sexually thrilling and enticing. He is willfully trading some of his sexual appeal away for a good connection because he can already fuck her hard and make her cum, and she knows that.

The prerequisite to romance and other good relationship-related truisms is sex. Ever met a pathetic guy who's trying to be something that he's not? That's the nice guy who's trying to portray the qualities of the perfect boyfriend...without the prerequisite understanding of his own and women's sexual nature.

It also depends on how long you've known her.

If this is a girl you've gone out with for a while, then it's OK to talk about that stuff.

If it's a girl you've only had several meetings with: I wouldn't talk about that if I was you.

Last thing you want to turn into is Dr. Phil.

It'd be a different story if you've already established a strong relationship with her.

What you said is stereotypical of girls who are shallow. Some girls have been hurt so much that what they truly desire is someone who can support them emotionally, someone who’s different from the other guys ( who just desires sex or what not).
What these non-shallow girls really want is someone who can be there for them in the short and long run. Someone who will also open up and share his problems. And together help each other get through and blossom. I think this is key that leads to long lasting relationship and eventually marriage.

Again, the kinds of girl you are talking about are the shallow ones.

Rest of the stuff you said, I agree with.

Except this remark: "That's the nice guy who's trying to portray the qualities of the perfect boyfriend...without the prerequisite understanding of his own and women's sexual nature."

Again I think this needs to be changed to "There is no such thing as the nice guy, only smart and sensible guys(who is unselfish, understands themselves and the needs of their partner). Too much emphasis is based on sexual desires and adventure seeking.

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

Guys, i think the discussion is becoming too heated here.

it's just simple: be overly alfa, the teasing guy, never be the nice guy, be interesting, and yeah telling too much about your problems and helping girls with hers can make of you "the best friend who has a shoulder to cry on" ...

But aren't we forgetting some things?

1) sometimes it's important to create an emotional connection, and in this situation (reread my post above), if done well (which ofcourse means that you shouldn't be too pussy, and remain alfa etc., but everyone should know that by now). it can create huge atraction, especially if you can tell something about her. (Then again, i've red someone who said: "sure, emotional connection is important. there is time for emotional connection ... after sex".)


2) almost every girl i know, they like leaders, alfa-males, teasers, ball-busters etc, storytellers, etc. They say it, they show it. BUT they also tell me always, that they have to have some weakness (and ok, don't attack me now now that i've said that, cuz i don't mean AFCness). Women LOVE guys who tease them all the time, but at a moment when they're talking for a while, going deep and showing some weakness or a problem,. It can create huge attraction, because that is what makes us humans DEEP and MYSTERIOUS. were not MACHINES, but HUMANS. Men always have to be (emotionaly) STABLE, but we also have feelings, showing them makes us humans.
Again, it is important to say that when you tell about a problem, that you only tell a small part of it. you're not going to tell your whole life story or make it a big deal, because you want to stay mysterious, which makes you sexy in girl's eyes.


"6. You need an aura of depth and mystery. You must maybe show a vulnerable or wounded side of yourself, you must not give away everything for free, you must be a puzzle she wants to figure out and maybe even have a wound she can heal. Switch #6 then is hooking her with your DEPTH and MYSTERY."
- Style said it

=>http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/ ... C/218.html

Period.

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

What I said is generally true about any girl with a healthy level of self-esteem. It's the damaged ones that want to exchange sob stories with their potential lovers.

It's easy to dismiss girls who don't respond well to your mating strategy as "shallow" or something like that, but you're dismissing too many girls, as well as the highest-quality ones.

Also, keep in mind that more physically attractive women will appear to be more "shallow" at first, but every woman has depth and inner beauty somewhere.
Again, you're not talking about "non-shallow" girls. You're talking about girls with low self-esteem who open up and talk about their problems as much as you do. You lean toward this because this is probably how you've primarily "connected" with people in the past, and you're futilely trying to use this strategy you're comfortable with as a means of seduction.

I'll agree with you when you say that communication (about problems) is definitely one of the keys to a successful long term relationship, but you have to seduce her before you make her your girlfriend. Again, you're putting the cart before the horse. You need to get all the dirty shallow shit out of the way (raw seduction without all that nice guy BS) before hitting paydirt in those depths you desire to swim in.
What you're perceiving as "shallow" is a rationalization by your ego in order to save face.
And you're putting too much emphasis on an ineffective and unfulfilling mating strategy. I'm just trying to steer you in the right direction.

And, in regards to what Shyler said about exposing vulnerabilities, that IS indeed important. But, put too much emphasis on showing how much of a pussy you are and she'll forget that you have a penis.

Not every girl is the same. All this really comes down to is really knowing about the type of girl you are dealing with (what they want), and knowing how to deal with them.

“It's the damaged ones that want to exchange sob stories with their potential lovers.”

You’re pretty much implying that the healthy esteem one are not damaged. They are. They just don’t show it. And trust me, at some point they will. So how are you going to deal with that? In regards to that point, I think you are not differentiating “opening up” with “omg, I have a problem” type of girls. Also, opening up does not imply low self-esteem. To tell the difference between girls who are “opening up” or just “complaining about their troubles”, identify their purpose of sharing their story. Are they telling you about their life, because they want you to know, understand and others, or is it because they "purely" self-pity. The shallow ones complains. The non-shallow ones share.

Lastly, opening up is a sign of confidence, someone who is sure of who they are.
Also it is “needs to, willing to, happens to” not “wants to” exchange sob stories for the non-shallow girls.

“Again, you're not talking about "non-shallow" girls. You're talking about girls with low self-esteem who open up and talk about their problems as much as you do. You lean toward this because this is probably how you've primarily "connected" with people in the past, and you're futilely trying to use this strategy you're comfortable with as a means of seduction.”

By non-shallow girls, I mean girls who look for guys who are genuine, above and beyond, such as deep emotional connection (laughing all the time with a guy is not deep emotional connection, but if girl perceives otherwise, this validates my point about them being shallow (They don’t know what’s reality)). Non-shallow girls look for guys who decides to put a smile on the girls face and not wanting anything back simply just because they know the girl is sad “Good guys”. Shallow girls are the ones who puts “adventure-affinity or sex appeals” as priority criteria when a guy goes up to them. Non-shallow girls don’t value adventure or sex appeals as much. They desire it, but they don’t value it.

"
What you're perceiving as "shallow" is a rationalization by your ego in order to save face.”

I’m looking for a wife not just sex. I learn PUA to maintain healthy relationship with girls, upgrade myself, and not just for sex and random plays. But what you said works in the sense that it applies to guys who are not for the same purpose.

“Also, keep in mind that more physically attractive women will appear to be more "shallow" at first, but every woman has depth and inner beauty somewhere.”

I agree with this point. not like I judge people by their cover. And also, I don’t choose girls because they are shallow or non-shallow. We don’t judge our relationship with a girl based on those criteria. People are to some degree shallow regardless. Lastly, being shallow is not really a big thing. "It is being human"


Lastly, I also agree with Shyler's point about how we have to be able to emotionally connect with a girl, but at the same time don't over do it and do it right.

_________________
"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"