hi folks!

long story cut short: i was getting to know someone in february (long distance, 2 hrs apart) it went for a month, didnt work out because he wasnt ready for something new..seemingly because he had split up with his 3year relationship (on and off relationship) and she kept on insisting that they should try it again, she kept on stalking, he kept on seeing her, so somehow they maintained their "cant be together, cant be apart" on a different level.

he wanted to stay friends with me, but i declined, because i would rather want to continue dating/getting to know him, but i respect that that is not possible at the moment. no hard feelings, very friendly, non-drama end between the two of us.

2 months later he gets in contact with me over the phone again, we chat for an hour..he tells me that he resumed sleeping with his ex but doesnt know where they stand because he was preoccupied with other things. he suggests that we could meet up again. i ignore the offer. a few moments later he texts me that he thinks my new facebook pictures are great. i text back and tell him that he should get in touch with me AFTER when he has his situtaion with the ex resolved. he responds by saying that their situation is a never ending story and that that would take another 10 years and/or i would be off-market by then. so he suggested again because he would be in my city that weekend, i refused. the whole texting was on a semi-joking note, so there was no drama involved/it was on a light note.

my question: i really like this guy, but i really cant be bothered to enter this messy situation (again)...dont have oneitis, i`m seeing other guys, yet i want to know what i can do from my side to move things forward here "from a safe distance". should i call him next month just for chattings sake, but continue declining any offers to meet unless he has his shit together? or should i wait till he gets in touch again? how do i (re)act upon stumbling across him in a club (which will happen sooner or later) - try to ignore or pull and push ?

questions over questions...

The most important thing is to stay in his life. Make sure you grow on him. And then strike from below.

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

thanks for the resonse! so in other words i should establish contact know and then..but how do i avoid that ending in a telephone-friendship?! its also very difficult to "strike" if i dont meet up...and the reason i dont want to meet up is because as long as there is this (unresolved) "ex" in his life something will always hold him back and it will end up like the first time . would be great to hear specifics!

He wants to have a one nite of sex with you. the quote explains it.
In his head he sees you 2 go out to bar get intoxicated come back to your place and bam!.

knowing me, he knows that that never would have happened and wouldnt even have attempted going in that direction, was more of a "lets go, sit down and chat". he was always honest about his motivation, if it would only have been about having sex, he wouldnt have mentioned the (still) unresolved situation with his ex (i didnt even ask him, he brought it up)...

Well it is easier to change a guy from the LJBF zone to something more than it is to change a girl... So yes, it is ok if he sees you as a friend at first. Then you make your move when he cannot resist your charms anymore...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

ok, so i guess the conclusion is that if i dont want to enter a messy situation (= meeting him whilst he still has something going on with his "ex") i should stay in contact now and then and hope that it triggers/ignites a change with time..

but i know that he will suggest meeting again before that happens and my fear is that if i bring up the "get your shit together first" that it will seem like i am setting things up / the path for a relationship and that might scare him off because he might feel that i am expecting some sort of a comittment.

am i being overcautious or is it not big of a deal to make any further encounters dependant of him resolving his situation?

or will i lose attraction through this and is the only way to start meeting him again, trying to ignore the fact that there is someone else, and see if it works this time around?