This is a long post - bear with me.

Change. A big word that triggers a lot of different thoughts in every one of you. It's the reason that we're all here, for that one little word. We all need to change.

When you think about it, change doesn't seem like it would be that hard to achieve. Theoretically change should be simple. You point out something you don't like about yourself, something you aren't satisfied with, and... well, you change it. You fix it. You look at the problem and find a solution. Too bad in real life change is much more difficult than that.

Let's not make this one of those long, meandering, interpretive posts that leaves you thinking "So... what?" (Guilty). Let's make this as comprehensible and to the point as possible.

How do you change?

1. Identify the problem.

Most of you are far ahead of this step. Most / all of you are / were unsatisfied with your sex life. You're success with women wasn't or isn't where it should be in your mind. You have standards for yourself and you don't meet them. There could be other things though -- you aren't sure of who you are as a person, you don't know what you want to do with your life, you don't have any skills, you don't have a good job. It is important that before you go trying to solve your problems, you know what your problems are.

2. Filter out the uncontrollable aspects.

Ask yourself this question: "What aspects are out of my control?". It's important to recognize early on that there will always be some sort of extraneous factor that negatively affects you that is out of your control. This game we are all a part of is a prime example; ever approach a woman and get rejected? Rejection is one of those factors that you cannot control. You will get rejected. You will fail. I know you have heard this 100 times before, but you need to get it through your head and accept that you cannot control it. Accept, and move on.

3. List the essential aspects that you feel you need to improve on.

These are the specifics; approach anxiety, opening, mid-game, closing, escalating, being funny, oneitis, handling rejection and failure, getting in state, game methods, negging (sorry to bring this one up), shit tests, etc. You get it. These are the aspects that you really struggle with.

4. Find a solution to these problems one by one.

I can't emphasize that last part enough. Solve these problems one by one. You need to do this so you don't become completely and utterly lost in self-improvement. If you overwhelm yourself by trying to fix everything at once you will become confused and will hardly get anywhere. Pick one specific problem and fix it. Once you are comfortable with it, move on to the next problem. There's no reason you can't treat this change like a math problem: list the problems, find the solutions, implement the solutions one by one until the main problem is solved.

You are probably having trouble find the solutions to these problems, though. This is the main obstacle. This is where this forum and all those posts you read comes in. This is where all those self-improvement books and all that theory you spend hours memorizing and understanding at your computer comes in. It is completely baffling how often you actually know the answers to your own questions without even realizing it. Look at the specific problem and address it rationally using all the concepts and ideas you talk about here, and read about in those books. That is what they are for. If you have a problem with, say, opening, read up on the basics of opening. Ask someone on the forum to explain openers to you, and to help you go over some. Every problem has a solution, you just need to find it, and...

5. Implement the solution.

Implement. The. Solution. Implement means act. Do. Put into action what you have so far figured out. So many of your problems would now be fixed if you didn't get stuck at this one step. From my own experience, this step has been the one that most intimidates me. You actually need to go out and practice your openers. You need to go out and close. Afraid of escalating? Your solution probably involves - you guessed it - escalating. This step is all about action. Execute the steps outlined in your solution blueprint. If you don't do this step, that blueprint never turns into a house. It just gets filed away as a useless piece of paper.

6. Step out of your comfort zone.

Change is all about challenging yourself. A bodybuilder never gets stronger if he uses the same routine over and over. Bodybuilders change their routine on a regular basis to constantly challenge themselves and put themselves out of their comfort zones and into new and exciting ground. If what you're doing isn't working, then doing the same old thing everyday with a little more theory behind it doesn't help much. If what you are doing isn't working, something needs to change. You need to make that step out of your zone. Do something a little different every day; get up at 6 in the morning and go for a run. Take a cold shower. Learn a few words in a different language. Try writing with your left hand. Approach a girl with a new opener or style. Try a different technique of closing. Challenge yourself. Always.

Change is such a broad term that we can so easily get confused as to what it is. We all know we want it, but yet we don't know what we're chasing. If you don't know what it is you want, how are you going to get it? It is almost necessary to go through steps similar to these and break down exactly what it is you want; change isn't objective, it is subjective. It is different to everyone. Breakdown what it is you want, and then do it.

Ask yourself something right now; how badly do you want this change? If you want it badly enough, then it is about time that you did something about it.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

Another great post man, but seriously, you think far too much. Just lead your life without overthinking things, you've even said it yourself that being too much in the head lead to you actually becoming a worse person.

You're so right. One of my biggest flaws is the fact that I overthink nearly everything. I get so caught up and confused in all the little things. This is one of the things that I want to change, but I don't know how to go about attaining that change, which is why I posted this, to try and help myself learn. But yes, I think way way way too much.
No disrespect at all, I really appreciate your honest feedback, I think it's necessary for me to get better at this. And to answer your question honestly, I don't really practice PUA in person. I learn all of these things in theory and on paper, but I just don't know how to apply it in an actual social situation. I don't know how to go about practicing it. This is the real core of my troubles right now. I have no idea how to actually get better at it. As soon as I get into a conversation, I usually forget about PU and just resort to regular conversation - no escalation, no application of theory, just me being me. This doesn't work, though, because "me being me" doesn't attract women, it doesn't build valuable relationships, it doesn't do what I want it to do.

I guess the real question is, how do I go about improving myself?

Thanks for being honest guys, I appreciate it.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

A lot of what you post is seemingly good in theory and on paper, but like you I don't know what it's good for other than a good read.

Remember "empty your game backpack"? Your head shouldn't be thinking of things if you've truly learned it.

I don't use any routines or anything, sometimes being me works, sometimes it doesn't. Be funny, confident, use kino, tease them a bit and make them work for it. Always be leading. Make sure your body language is dominant, straight tall posture etc. Take up lots of space sitting down so you look ompletely comfortable and approachable. And a PUA cliche 'always be the exception'.

I think that's probably all that's ever been use to me. That and knowing how to break LMR and isolation.

Oh, and strong inner game, leads to a strong frame and eliminates every single 'what should i do/what should i say' question. I lead, they follow.

You definitely overthink things!

All of the above you can apply in your everyday life.